Page 214 of The Perfect Spiral
Emptiness sets in. I lie on my side, staring out into the nightthrough my window. Watching the flies outside trying to get in because they’re attracted to my light.
I switch it off and hear a sigh outside, along with some movement.
I no longer have a heart. It died, and I buried it in that cemetery. Six feet under.
Chapter 74
The Fourth of July, a day of independence, and in a quiet corner of my heart, I was celebrating my own. It had been a week since the incident with him and his Barbie doll of a girlfriend.
I hadn’t uttered a single word to him, despite his attempts to reach out. He’d been messaging me, especially at night, sending me a heart each time I turned off my light.
It was as if he was waiting outside, watching for the darkness to envelop my room. But I didn’t look at him, didn’t speak to him.
I’d leave the room the moment he entered, usually with her in tow, in my own family home.
Every night, I’d climb onto my roof, bottle of alcohol in hand, and sit there under the stars, talking to myself. Some nights, I’d drink too much and wake up with a hangover that would earn me disapproving glances from my family the next morning. I’d just ignore them.
Sleep had become a luxury. Nightmares of what I’d seen—him with her, and then walking in on Drew—kept me awake. I was afraid to sleep, afraid to see those images again.
Between those nightmares and the living one across the hallway, I’d hear Lauren’s moans and screams when she reached her peak with him.
He’d leave the room once she was done, slamming the door behind him as he descended the stairs. I didn’t know where he went, and frankly, I didn’t care.
He’d usually return an hour or so later, when he was sure she’d either left or fallen asleep in his bed.
Every single night, it was either a nightmare about them or a nightmare about catching Drew. Sam, Tyson, Hannah, and Andy were the only ones who knew what had happened.
I’d told everyone else that Drew had called me to get back together. It wasn’t a complete lie. He had been messaging me a lot more lately, which was strange. He’d gone MIA for a while, and then suddenly, it picked up again.
Andy would always come in with Hannah to hand me two Advil when she knew I’d been drinking the previous night.
At the moment, I was in the kitchen with Adam on my hip, peppering my cheek with kisses in an attempt to cheer me up. He was resting his little head on my chest, his arms hanging down his side.
He lifted his head off my chest to look up at me. “Alex, why are you sad?” he asked so innocently, and I felt a pair of eyes on me. I knew it was him. I could always tell when he was looking at me.
“I’m not sad, baby, I’m just tired. That’s all,” I reassured him, kissing his head to make him giggle before he rested his head back on my chest. He whispered to me, “I can hear your heart beating.”
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I let out a breath and whispered to myself, “Barely.” I kissed his head again, then took him outside and set him down so he could run around on the beach with Eden and Noah.
He took Eden’s hand when she fell over in the sand, making sure she was okay. Normally, I would have smiled at this, but I just couldn’t. I was too tired to smile, too tired to do anything.
I walked over to the side of the deck where the shade was and sat down next to Cole, who had Reign in his arms. Sasha was upstairs, taking a much-needed nap.
“Hey kiddo! How are you feeling?” Cole asked me, looking at Reign who was staring up at his father. He was such a beautiful kid.
“Fine, just tired,” I replied.
“Still not sleeping?” I shook my head no. We sat in silence for a while, and I could feel his eyes on me, but I was looking down at Reign.
I gently stroked his cheek, and he started to smile at me, but I couldn’t return the smile. I was just too exhausted.
“You want to hold him for a while, while I get something to eat? You know, fulfill your godmother duties,” he joked, but I didn’t laugh.
I nodded, and he handed Reign over to me. I laid his head on my chest, just like I had with Adam.
“I miss your smile, sis. You know you can talk to me about anything. I know this isn’t about Drew, but I want you to trust me enough to tell me,” he said, kissing my forehead. I gave him a weak smile in return.
He headed back into the kitchen while I lay back with Reign on my chest. I closed my eyes, relishing the silence around us. I stroked Reign’s back, soothing him to sleep.
