Page 272 of Steeling Her
A much deeper meaning to a simple tattoo he has. He’s being so raw and honest with me and it’s the part that I love most about him. He’s not afraid to show this side of him, especially with me.
“So, how come you can’t see them in photos?” I ask as I wonder where they all go when it comes to his side job in modelling.
“I wear tops that cover them, and for photos, I get the editors to edit them out. They’re personal to me, and I don’t want everyone to see them.” He smiles tightly as he looks up at me in the water. The light is reflecting on to his eyes, making them bigger and brighter to me.
He points to the two constellations on his shoulder next to a pair of wings hovering over the stars. “I got these because of the night we spent together on the roof during a party. You taught me all these facts about space. These two represent you and me; you’re the little dipper and I’m the big dipper, because you’re my little one. It’s a reminder of when we first kissed.” He then points to the wings when he notices me staring at them. “And that represents how much of an angel you are to me.” I run my thumb over the wings and smile softly down at them.
“The words ‘Amore Eterno’ means ‘forever love’ or ‘eternal love’ in Italian, the so-called language of love, according to Mozart.” He stands a little higher to show me the scripture on his ribs. “I think that one is self-explanatory. I thought it sounded nice. I also got that when someone made a comment about you that didn’t sit well with me, so I wanted to get it for you.” He settles back down into the warm water and pulls us both over to the wall of the pool so he can lean against it.
“What comment?” I ask him.
“They knew you dated me and saw you with your dad on TV. He said that you looked hot. You did, but I just didn’t like hearing it from someone else’s mouth; it was disrespectful too.” He shrugs and looks off to the side out of embarrassment.
“Even when we were not together, you’re still my knight in shining armor.” I smile cheekily back at him only for him to roll his eyes. He still couldn’t suppress the smile. “Continue.” I chuckle at his reaction.
“The red rose represents the time I got you those white roses when you were in hospital and for our first date. I knew white is a sign of purity and innocence, and I thought it was fitting to get them for you at the time, but I wanted a red rose for romance and our relationship,” he beams back at me. I stroke the side of his face with my thumb to soothe him. “Even when we weren’t together, I would keep seeing white roses everywhere. I knew that I should have bought you red roses at the time as a sign from me, but I also knew white was your favourite.”He continues to hold on to me as we drift closer and closer together, like we’re whispering between us and keeping this a secret.
“This one”—he points to the words “Bella Piccola” on his shoulder to bring my attention to it—“is also Italian, meaning ‘beautiful little one,’ because that is what you are to me and always will be. Inside and out, you are just so beautiful. I wanted to be able to get the chance to call you ‘little one’ again someday. I held on to that hope and prayed nobody other than me called you that. I cannot get over how beautiful you really are, little one, and how lucky I am to have you in my life and with me right now. I’m lucky that you gave me another chance.” He brushes a piece of hair that had fallen loose from the side of my face. My hair is tied back to stop it from getting wet because I don’t want to deal with that mess later on. I want to go straight to bed and relax with him while watching a movie on the big screen he has in the bedroom.
“The wolf and the human face here is probably the most stupid choice I made at the time, but I have come to accept that it’s part of who I am. I see it representing, like most people in society, the demons inside me. It really showed through after the break up and what happened with my dad. Everyone saw me as this football player who has an attitude problem—a heartless man who would sleep with anything with a pulse. They saw me as an aggressive brute on the field and sometimes off the field; a beast, some might say. That is why I got it. The people around me thought I was becoming this big shot football player looking to be scouted for the NFL. You didn’t, you saw me as Nick.” The sadness in his eyes is leaking out.
I knew that some people only wanted to be around him just to say they were with him instead of really getting to know the true him. They immediately categorized him, as did I, as soon as they found out that he was one of the best football players in the country in college. He worked hard, but people only wanted the final product, not work with him on his journey. He knew that, and took advantage of it, but is now regretting it judging from the tone in his voice.
He swiftly moves on from the wolf-human head. “The two birds; the one in front represents you and the other one behind it represents me chasing after you. I got the first bird as a sign that maybe I should just let you go and let you live your life, but I came around soon after and realized I just couldn’t do that. It’s selfish, but I can’t picture myself without you. I was in such a bad place at the time. I was drinking and going to bars, picking up girls I didn’t want to be with. I just didn’t want to deal with it all, but I knew I had to at some point.
“I regretted letting you walk away that day. I should have ran after you, taken everything I’ve said back, and kissed you then and there. I should have kept you by my side throughout this journey, and yet I let you walk away.” I can see the shame on his face and in his hunter-green eyes that I just love looking into.
The sadness his face is shown clearly when we think back to that day but it’s part of our history. We learn from our mistakes. Now we’re back together, taking it slow and getting to a stronger place with each day that passes. To be frank, if we had stayed together in college, we may not last as long as we hoped to or have thought. Then again, maybe we would have?
We will never know, because it never happened. This is the road that we took and have taken on as ours. We’ve moved forward together, even though we were separated. Our past is what happened, and we’ve all learned from it so we can be in a better place.
“The boat is from our first date. Although it’s not the exact boat, it’s close enough.” He nudges to his shoulder just below Bella Piccola. “I got it three years after our first date. I was out on some yacht the day before and stared at the ocean the entire night, thinking back to that moment we had.” He nods and licks his lips.
“The ‘I Trust You’ on the side of the boat is what you said to me on the first night that we got intimate. Believe it or not, that was a special moment for me. You trusted me enough to do that with me and you felt safe enough with me the whole night. I also have a slight confession,” he speaks through his closed teeth like he probably shouldn’t have said it.
“Oh yeah? And what’s that?” I ask, intrigued by what he wants to confess. I lean back and smirk at him for keeping a little secret from me.
“I still have our pictures from our first date. I would look at them when I couldn’t fall asleep.” He rubs the back of his head embarrassed.
I laugh out loud, making the mood lighter and letting him know it’s okay to have those memories. He’s a sentimental guy and holds tightly on to those memories. He’s a lot more sensitive than you may think. For most of his life, he’s been expected to be this type of guy who is perfect at everything he does. But everyone has flaws, and in order to make a relationship work, you accept them wholeheartedly. No ifs, ands, or buts.
What he doesn’t know is, I kept them too.
“I have them in the back of my wardrobe back at home in a small box where I kept most of the things that you either gave me or reminded me of you. I haven’t looked at it in quite a while but I still have them. I got them printed off a few days after the date and stuck them around my dorm room. I always looked at them when I started my day in college, but when we ended things. I had to put them away so I could handle all of it. Even then, I still kept them.” I watch him grin like a big fool, my arms wrapped tightly around his thick neck. I roll my eyes and laugh.
We both lean in for a kiss; it’s a soft, gentle, and the most perfect kiss that I’ve ever received from him. Every time we kiss, something within me lights up in a way that I cannot explain. This feeling is something a whole lot greater than before, something that I knew was always there, but this talk has ignited something different within me; different kinds of feelings.
Excitement.
Elation.
Freedom.
Euphoria.
Spirited.
Allurement.
