Page 216 of Steeling Her
“I’m being a dick?” he exclaims. “He fucking hit me, Carter! You saw it—”
“Yes, I did, but you were asking for it. What is it with you and him? It’s like watching ‘my dick is bigger than yours’ and it’s bullshit!”
“Mine probably is,” he mutters and I glare at him for being so childish.
News flash, honey, it’s not.
“Really?” I glower at him and he shoots his hands up in surrender. I can’t believe this. He should know that I’m not messing around right now. “I’m sick and tired of this shit! I need my space, Ted, that’s final!”
“Carter, are you trying to break—”
“I’m fucking close to it, Ted. Don’t push me!” I begin to storm off but get held back.
“Don’t walk away from me,” he demands with a growl as I meet his blazing red eyes. He usually gets like this when we have a fight and he doesn’t get his own way.
“Lose the attitude,” I threaten him. “Now!” I match his anger as nothing will stop me from this. I usually back down from any confrontation, but this time it’s different. I’ve reached my peak and I’ve had enough. I need to be alone with my own thoughts.
I need time to think about this.
As soon as I say that, his eyes stay the same but his determined grip loosens as I unravel myself from him and shake my arm out. Stepping backwards to get much needed space, I begin to walk away from him.
My mind is clouded by both men, and I need to get back to reality and think about myself. I need to put myself first; I never do.
As I walk down the crowded street, people flood the bars as I pass by. I keep myself locked away from the surrounding crowd and stroll to nowhere in particular. I walk until I see nothing but bright lights.
A boardwalk.
It’s full of rides, games, and food; the smell of hotdogs, cotton candy, and popcorn wafts through the air as groups of girls scream while laughter fills the air.
Shirtless college guys joke around with one another as I put one foot in front of the other. A football is thrown in front of me and I’m beginning to reminisce about the game I just watched today.
I remember the way Nick handled his play, how fluid he was with the team. It’s like he’s been playing with them for years. His style is still the same, he’s just sharper and quicker on the release. I smile thinking about how I criticized that part of his game at the party we went to in college. It looks like he took my advice after all.
I remember apologizing endlessly, thinking I had offended him. I felt bad. I always do when I’m about to point something out that may be another person’s flaw. I wouldn’t like it done to me. It wouldn’t feel nice.
I find an empty bench and sit down on it by myself and let the cool breeze flow through my long hair, smelling the seawater as I sit and wait. I take a deep breath and hold it until I can feel my heart rate slow down after walking around and being in a heated conversation. Then, I release it—let it go and float in the wind along with my anger.
This is what I needed, some time to myself; Alone with my own thoughts.
Over the wooden barrier, I see the reflection of the ferris wheel in the water. The yellow, orange, and bright pink reflected on the water, lighting up to it’s own beat and creating hypnotizing patterns to keep me entertained. I can see the water rippling as the waves come in and out in a beat to its own drum.
I’m grateful for the alone time. It’s what I needed. No men, no influences, and no words; just me and my peace.
After what feels like forever out here, I decide to bite the bullet. It’s now or never.
I need to speak to him.
I need to speak with Nick.
I order myself a taxi to pick me up and drop me outside TJ and Haley’s house. Next thing I know, I’m pushing the bell to let them know I’m here in the dead of night.
The entire ride here, I’ve been thinking over and over how I’m going to approach the conversation, different combinations of different scenarios, and none of them are going to be what actually happens.
I haven’t stopped crying because I have never been faced with this before. I have never questioned my relationship until Nick returned. It’s all gone downhill now, and I know that we need to clear things up. I need to fix things.
As soon as the door opens, I’m greeted with TJ’s friendly face.
“Hey,” he says carefully.
