Page 168 of Steeling Her
And that what makes this situation hard.
“So, TJ and I went to the Bahamas, as you all know, and we went swimming with the sharks, pigs, stingrays, did the tours of the Cays around the main island and went scuba diving. But . . .” She looks at him beaming at her. She shuffles closer to his seat as we wait for her to finish the sentence. He reaches around her, smiling down at his partner in crime who is under his wing. They have been inseparable since the first started dating. “But the best part of the whole trip, I went as Haley Jackson.” She grins at us as we stare at her, confused by her cryptic words. “But came home as the future Mrs. Haley Anderson!” She lifts her left hand to see a huge, and I mean huge, rock on her ring finger glistening back at us.
Danielle screams in excitement while I shriek with happiness as my eyes widened to a comical size. We both jump out of our seats while the guys laugh at us. This is such a special moment for them and I’m so happy they get to share this with us.
I grip her shoulder, and Danielle gives a three-way hug as we jump up and down together, laughing and giggling like college girls again. It really has been so long.
“Let me see that fucking rock right now!” Danielle pulls back to admire the ring that TJ had bought for her in secret. I’m in such shock, both of my hands on my cheeks, as I watch it glisten in the light shining above us.
“Oh my God, it’s so beautiful Haley!” I let out a cry in admiration as I watch her hand move from side to side, letting the light fall on the beautifully cut diamond in different angles. It suits her to a tee. “I’m so happy for you! For you both! My God, I can’t believe he asked you to marry him!” I gush as I hold her in my arms once again, congratulating her once more. I realize that I haven’t said anything to TJ, so I pull away from her in a rush and race over to the man who had the courage to ask my best friend to be his wife.
I squeeze in between my brother and Nick to get to him, opening my arms and hunching over a little as I step into their little group and invade their guy time.
“Hi! Congratulations!” I envelop my arms around his large frame. “I’m so happy for you both, this is so wonderful!” I squeeze him before I pull myself back to let Danielle in.
“Thanks, guys. I’m so excited, like, I kind of want to just book a church tomorrow and marry her then. I don’t want to wait, but I know she already has started the planning.” He rolls his eyes as he looks over at Haley and her brother hugging it out. I watch Nick embrace her and touch his lips in her hair, remembering a time when he did the same thing to me.
Stop. Just stop right there, Carter.
“She probably has the vision for it alright.” Danielle giggles over TJ’s shoulder as she holds him and tells him how proud of him she is for having the courage to get down on one knee, taking a jab at my brother and his lack of initiative.
I have no doubt in my mind that Haley has everything planned out ever since he got down on that knee and popped the question.
“Have you got pictures?” Danielle begs him and he nods. Taking my eyes back away from the siblings, I see TJ fishing out his phone. My own brother wraps his arm around me and pulls me to his chest.
“You okay?” he whispers to me and I nod back. I just need to get over the initial shock of seeing him again. It still hasn’t hit me that he’s here right now.
Five years.He appears after five years. I know he has a contract with the Chargers for four years. So, I have to endure him for four years. Four years of seeing him nonstop and seeing him go back to his old ways. I know he hasn’t stopped sleeping with people for the past few years. I’m not stupid. Hell, I’ve slept with my own boyfriend, and that’s it. I can’t flirt to save my life, I’m awkward as hell around guys, and I look like a toad half of the time. I’m surprised I even have Ted.
I need a drink. A strong drink.
I signal the waiter and order a double vodka and cranberry, the most basic of all basic bitch’s drinks; the absolute white girl, basic bitch. I don’t care, I need it right now. I need it to calm my nerves down, my body down, my mind down, and my soul down.
As we all revisit our seats, I pull out my seat to sit back down on the cushioned chair. I place my two hands on my lap and fix the end of my dress, smoothing it so it looks perfect. I hate that I still want to look good. I feel good in this dress and I want people to know that. However, I can’t help but feel I don’t look good enough, and that’s what bothers me the most. My insecurities creep back in every so often when I remember our time together. It’s hard to push out those thoughts when I’m having flashback to my very first kiss with him.
I was wearing yellow that time too.
It pains me to think of those times where they were harbored for years. I just want this ship to sail again, to try to get away from him, but his is catching up and I can’t escape him. He’s closing in on me.
I always knew that I couldn’t get away. He has a place in my heart, even if I don’t want him to. He is always a part of me and my life, and I know that he always will be because of Haley and our past. I just love her like a sister, the same with Danielle. I knew my friendships with them would be tougher than anything.
But right now, my old memories are testing that. The smell of his cologne has me inhaling silently to keep it in my mind, but I’m too ashamed to admit that.
My drink comes along, and everyone observes me like I have five heads. I ignore their stares and take a long gulp of it, hissing at the burn trickling down my throat.
My brother taps my leg and mouths “Ease up” to me. He knows why I’m drinking right now. He understands it. So, I place the glass back down, scrunching my face when the waiter comes around to take our orders. As he comes around one by one, I sit in silence and listen to everyone trying to keep the awkwardness at bay.
Maybe I’m the only one who thinks it’s awkward? Maybe it’s all in my head?
Even then, I sit and listen to the story of how TJ proposed in his words; half listen, actually. It’s hard to focus on anything right now with my ex-boyfriend sitting next to me. The first and only guy I ever fell for. It’s hitting me hard due to the surprise of seeing him once again.
He looks the same, except he looks more rugged. He has a light stubble dotted across his jawline—a sharp one at that. His muscles are a lot bigger and his shoulders are a lot broader. His tan is darker, but his facial features are exactly the same as before. He still looks like he was carved from marble by Michelangelo himself. His eyes are still that hunter-green hue. Those perfect pools that I was lost in for a moment had me thinking about us when we dated.
Listening to TJ jabber on about the proposal and looking back at Haley every now and then, I can see that they both love one another. It’s evident in their eyes. It has me a little jealous. It always has for a while now. Just the way he looks at her, the way he cares for her, I can feel the green-eyed monster pinch inside my chest. Nothing has changed between them and it won’t. They’re together forever
Even with my brother and Danielle, Chris has never cared for any girl the way he’s cared for Danielle. As soon as he found out she was pregnant and wanted to keep the baby, he was in dad-mode. There was no changing his mind, he just had to get Danielle on board. It suits him, and he couldn’t be happier to have a toddler calling him dad daily. He enjoys it.
I know that TJ will be the exact same.
