Page 252 of Steeling Her
The banging continues, and this time, it’s not the people who live next door to me doing their nightly activities they very much love to do on a regular basis.
I have been keeping to the same routine and to myself these past days. Go to work and come home. That’s it. I haven’t been speaking to anyone or seeing other people.
I’ve been trying to figure out my own thoughts and other people’s words. I’ve been trying to find my balance, figure out where I fit and where I belong in this world.
I have been weighing it all out.
The pros. The cons.
The good. The bad. The ugly.
The hits. The misses.
You get the picture.
I’ve been frustrated with myself. One minute, I’m ready; then the next, I’m not.
I swing from left to right, and I don’t know what I want anymore.
I’m confused, frustrated, and tired.
I’m exhausted, and I haven’t been doing my usual things. I’ve stopped.
Maybe I’m overthinking it?
“I know you’re in there!” Haley yells as I slide myself back into bed and cover myself with the sheets, sinking deep into the mattress designed just for me. I am very particular with my mattresses.
I ignore them in the hopes of them going away.
“Carter?” I now hear Danielle call out for me. “Carter, come on. Open up, we know you’re in there. We can see your car parked outside.” She has a point, I have been running from everyone when it’s me that needs to sort it out. Then again, who’s to say that I’m in my home? I could be out for a walk in the park just down the street from here. But they also might have already checked there before coming over. I don’t do it on purpose, I blank everyone off so I can regroup. It’s one of my many flaws, but it has served me well.
None of them know that I ended things with Ted. I didn’t have the courage to tell anyone. It’s been some time. It’s not that I’m ashamed or embarrassed to tell them. Hell, I’ve been dumped more times than I can count. It’s the fact that I know some people, namely Haley, didn’t like Ted, so they will whip out a mariachi band when I can’t find the energy or delight to celebrate. I know I will feel better after this, but there’s something that has been weighing on my mind since breaking it off with Ted which has put a stop for me to move.
I just don’t know what I want. I need more clarity.
Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. Buzz.
I roll my eyes at their persistence. I flip back the sheets from my upper body and reach for my phone to see Danielle calling me.
I sigh and swipe to answer her.
“Hello?” I answer in a disgruntled tone while I’m still in my bed.
“Please! Just answer the door!” Danielle begs.
“Bitch, open up! We’re not leaving until you do!” Haley yells down the line, making me smile a little at her determination. She’s always been the pushy one. While Danielle can be pushy, she knows her limits; the sky is the limit with her, but I guess I’ve managed to reach that limit.
Haley’s always been such a good friend to me and Danielle. She will back you up until the day she dies. She doesn’t even need the full story, she’ll still be there for you.
If only they knew.
“I’m sleeping,” I say and roll over to my side.
“If you were sleeping, you wouldn’t have answered or be speaking to us right now. Carter, come on. We brought food.” The mention of food starts making me weigh up the pros and cons of letting them in.
And as much as I love them, I’m leaning towards “no.” Then I remind myself how much of an earful I’ll hear for the entire day of I don’t. So, I quickly decide against my initial thought.
“Fine.” I finally give in. I hang up to go and let them in. I pull some shorts on and tie my hair up in a bun as I make my way towards the front door of my home. I unlock the door, only for it to burst open. I see a pissed off Haley morph quickly into a confused Haley. As for Danielle, she keeps a neutral expression while on the phone with someone else.
