Page 217 of Steeling Her
I can’t say anything to him. Instead, I search for Nick. He wasn’t far behind. I meet his eyes and blurt out in a shaky voice, “We need to talk.”
He sighs and nods.
“Come in.” Haley takes my arm gently and pulls me inside, but Nick and I haven’t taken our eyes off one another.
“Can we have a room?” I ask him, afraid of bringing Haley and TJ into our mess. This is between us; it always has been. We’ve left it five years, we’re both to blame for that, but it’s time.
“Yeah, follow me.” I do just that. I follow close behind him while I squeeze Haley’s hand, letting her know we need to do this.
We head down the hallway and into one of the rooms at the back. We come into a small yet gorgeously furnished room with moonlight streaming gently through the bay window, a slight artificial illumination from the surrounding lamps that are resting on the coffee and side tables accompanying it. Two sofas face each other, and an wall is filled to the brim with old books, none of which either of them own or have read. They’re redecorating this house, and I know this room will be the first to be revamped.
“Are you okay?” he asks delicately.
“No. You—” I’m beginning to get angry once again, so I squeeze my eyes shut and take another deep breath. When I open them back up, I walk towards the window.
I can feel him follow me.
I wipe both my eyes to allow myself time to gather my thoughts and what I need to say to him.
“I’m sorry, Carter. I shouldn’t have punched h—”
“I don’t really blame you. Not after the way he treated you.” I laugh bitterly. “I was just surprised that you did it, that’s all. Then again, maybe I shouldn’t have been.” I stare out the window, seeing his frame right behind me in the reflection.
“You weren’t surprised?” He sounds disappointed in himself. He did let himself down.
“No,” I answer back.
“Why?” he asks.
“Your exploits have been covered by the tabloids, Nick. You answer everything with your fists. It’s not the way to do it, but it’s the way you handle things, even when you didn’t do this before.” I shake my head. He threatened others a few times but rarely went through with it. Unless it was Ryan Averman.
“It’s not me—”
“But it is you.” I spin around and face him. He’s closer than I thought. I almost bumped into him. “This is now who you’ve become—”
“Not by my own accord.”
“Then whose? Hmm?” I ask sassily. I’m not believing any of this nonsense.
“That’s not fair.” He shakes his head while stepping into my space.
“Not fair!” I laugh sarcastically. “You want to talk about what’s not fair?” And here it goes, the elephant in the room is gigantic now and I have no choice but to address it. “You walking away five years ago, and now you’ve all of a sudden found the balls to come and talk to me—”
“Hold on, I messaged you everyday when we broke up and called you at least three times a day for a solid year. Don’t come at me with that shit, Carter. You let it die to—”
“Let it die! Are you kidding me. I never let it—” I stop myself, knowing what I was about to say. I was about to fess up to my deep and darkest thoughts. As much as I hate to admit it, he still has that effect on me. I’m still crazy about him, and I sometimes hate myself for thinking about it.
“I called you, and you never picked up—”
“Did you honestly think I would after everything that happened!” I can feel the tears leave my eyes. They race down both cheeks as they run down my neck and disappear. “You dumped me. I was embarrassed and . . . so fucking embarrassed. Everyone knew! People would look at me with so much pity. You broke my goddamn heart, Nick!” I yell at him and continue to allow my emotions to finally spill over. This is the first crack, and I know there are many more to come. Once they start to connect, the dam will explode, and everything within me will rush out. I won’t be able to take any of it back.
“I broke my own!” He matches my tone and stands closer until we’re almost chest to chest. We’re both breathing harshly as our heart rates speed up. “Watching you walk away from me that day was the most painful thing I’ve ever had to watch. I was crazy about you,” he says softly and licks his lips, almost like he didn’t want to tell me that. “I still am, Carter.”
“Well, you shouldn’t be!” I lash out to him but my heart is torn. “Go back to fucking Jody. You’re perfect for each other.” The word vomit is getting worse. I shouldn’t have said that. It’s the jealousy in me.
“I don’t want her.” His eyes are filled with sadness when he replies to me.
It remains silent for a long time. We can hear the TV in the other room.
