Page 178 of Steeling Her
“Somewhat debatable,” I tease her. Her eyes flick back up to mine and they lightheartedly glare back at me.
“Can I try your wine?” She points at Danielle’s glass. Danielle pushes it so it’s in front of her. She lifts the glass and tilts it into her lips, taking a quick sip to evaluate the offer. “Yeah, I want one of those too.” She waves the waitress back over to order a bottle of the wine and we all order what we want for the evening.
When we finally decide, after countless minutes of me debating back and forth and the two women tapping their feet impatiently what I want from the menu, we order our meals and talk about what has been happening in our lives.
“So, Taylor’s birthday is coming up, as you all know.” The little princess mentions it every five minutes when you’re with her. “I’m going to throw her a party at the house and people can come and go as they please. It’s invite only and, of course, you’re both invited,” she jokes and we both clap dramatically back at her. “Would you feel awkward if I invited Nick?” she asks me. I hold the contents of the wine in my mouth for a little longer, trying to figure out how I actually feel about it.
We have done the awkward meeting already, so it’s not up to me. If she wants to invite him, she can invite him. She doesn’t need permission from me—neither of them do—and I shouldn’t be making them feel like that. “Guys, I don’t like the fact that you feel the need to ask and/or run it by me. If you want him there, then you want him there. He’s you’re brother”—I point at Haley—“and he’s your friend.” I point at Danielle. “If you want him there, that’s fine. That’s your choice, don’t mind my opinion. Sure, it’ll take time to get used to it, but I’ll have to get used to seeing him eventually since he’s going to be on the Chargers with my brother, and I might as well start now,” I say to them. Sure, it’ll be strange for us to be hanging out again but it’ll be good in the long run. I know it might hurt a little, but my heart went through that horrible ride before. It stuck it out and I know it can do it again.I hope.
“Okay, then I need to also tell your dad about him coming,” Danielle quickly informs me and starts to gulp down the rest of the wine in her glass, looking anywhere around the room but me.
“Oh shit, I’ll have to warn Nick too,” Haley groans and makes a note on her phone to remind herself of things she needs to do. We usually all go home a drunken mess after these catch ups, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s not that we set out to do it, it’s just that we have so much fun that we keep ordering the drinks and end up absolutely wasted. We don’t get to do it as much as we would like to, and sometimes we miss days where we’re all just so diligent.
My dad is and will always be my protector. The first man I’ve ever come to love with all of my heart. He will always be there for me until the day I die. He wanted to give Nick a piece of his mind when he found out that he dumped me. He arrived on campus and came straight to my dorm with my mom not far behind and saw just how bad I actually got. My face and eyes were puffy and red, I had lost a severe amount of weight and I had broken out from the stress it had caused me.
Danielle had called Chris explained to him what had happened and how I was. He didn’t believe how bad I had gotten until he arrived at my door. It had taken a lot of convincing to get me to open up and once I did, he took me in his big arms and squeezed me until I could talk to him. I couldn’t form any words the day he came. He held me for that entire day and night until I was ready to tell him what had actually happened. I give him a lot of credit for helping me piece myself back together, but he still holds a grudge on Nick. He’s that type of man.
“My dad holds a lot inside, he always has, but he won’t cause a scene at his first grandchild’s birthday party. Yes, he doesn’t like Nick for what he did five years ago, and yes, he will still harbor that dislike for him, but my dad is mature when he deals with this sort of thing. He’ll be cordial, he won’t be coming in guns blazing and ready to shoot at Nick, but he won’t be coming in with open arms waiting for a hug. He’s big and scary, yes, but he won’t do that because he knows I wouldn’t want that. It’s in the past now, and I don’t need it to happen because I haven’t told Ted about him yet.” I wince at the last part.
Yes, I haven’t told him about Nick and, to be honest, I never thought that I would have to. It’s not that I don’t want to tell him, I just don’t know how I should. He’ll be irate that I kept it from him, and I get it, but it’s hard for me to talk about it.
“You haven’t?” Haley asks, a little stunned. The clink of two glasses are made as they are set onto the marble table we are sitting by. I breathe before I look at their judgemental stares.
I know I should have told him that night I went to his house, and I had every intention to tell him, but I just couldn’t. It wasn’t the right time. He was swamped by his work and I didn’t want to add this to his menu of never-ending dilemmas. I shake my head from side to side, slightly ashamed about not telling him. “Why?” Haley asks. There was something in her voice that I just couldn’t figure out. It was higher than usual. Her face says she cares about the answer but her voice says something a little different. I just couldn’t put my finger on it.
It was strange.
“I was planning on telling him about the night of the dinner. I saw him afterward and I just . . .” I stop, thinking how I was going to phrase this. “I couldn’t. Nothing was coming out, no matter how hard I was trying to tell him, I kept pushing it away. My mind was swimming and I was still in a lot of shock after seeing him.”
I curse at myself for saying the last part. I shouldn’t have said anything. I should have kept my mouth padlocked. I should have kept that little detail to myself. Now it’s out there, and judging by their faces, they picked up on it instantly.
“Shock?” Haley blurts out, confusion laced in her words. “What do you mean by ‘shock?’ ” She uses air quotes when speaking to me. I mentally reprimand myself.
Fuck me and my big mouth.
“I wasn’t expecting him to be there, that’s what I mean. It was so out of the blue, and I didn’t realize he was the new quarterback for the Chargers. I don’t know what’s been happening in the NFL recently,” I affirm. That was the truth, just not the whole truth.Fuck, I feel so sick right now.
“Have you been living under a rock lately? Nick’s face is everywhere, and I mean every-fucking-where, Carter. This deal has been the hottest topic the past few weeks, controversial some might say, how have you not seen this?” Danielle exclaims in disbelief.
I understand where she’s coming from, football is like a religion to me. I adore the sport, and I love watching it in any chance I get. It’s strange that I haven’t seen much of it, and I feel like I’m not myself, which prompts me to make time for it now that the season is coming back.
“I have been overwhelmed with work the past while. I’ve been taking Jody’s clients for the past week and that means longer hours for me.” I take another sip of the wine in a small huff.
“Do you not watch it when you’re home?” Haley asks out of genuine curiosity, and I reply with a no.
“Sometimes I’d stay over at Ted’s place, and you both know what he’s like with football, and when I do go home I usually crash in bed because I’m so exhausted,” I say to defend myself. I hate that I haven’t had much of a chance to keep up to date with all the trades. Work has been hectic and I rarely have time for myself. I wish I did, then I wouldn’t be in this position.
“Honey, you look like you need a spa day.” Haley kneads my hand and I glare at her.Rude much?“You need to unwind, you don’t look like you need your face fixed, Carter. You’re so sensitive these days.” She tilts her head to the side pressing her lips together into a small sympathetic smile.
“I know,” I groan and lean my head back towards the ceiling. “I just don’t know how to deal with this. Ted will either flip or he won’t care, and I have a feeling it’s not the second one. This will just give him more of an excuse to not watch football; he’ll guilt me into it too. Maybe I shouldn’t tell him?” The drinks are getting the better of me right now. I’m nearly on the verge of spilling my deepest darkest secret that could potentially land me in a lot of trouble.
“Carter, that’s not how a relationship should work. He should let you do the things you like doing, not dictate what you can and can’t do. That’s not right, and if Chris did that to me, I wouldn’t stand for it.” Danielle is right, she’s always fucking right. It’s annoying at times, but now, it’s actually helpful.
The sweet aroma of the food that we had ordered hails us at a perfect time. I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I’m tired. So, I nod in response and dig into my food, as do the rest of them, leaving that topic alone. They’ve known me long enough to know when to press things and when to drop them altogether, right now being one of them.
***
Nick
