Page 175 of Steeling Her
My heart still craves him.But he hurt me,my brain replies sharply back. He walked away from something special between us. He chose to do it too. I found it hard to let it drop. And I’m finding it impossible with him now too.
It’s like being reintroduced to something you’re addicted to, something you know that you will crave time and time again for the next while.
“Sure.” I smile feebly back to Ted. I throw my hair into a bun and gaze around the heated room to check if I can help him. Then I feel a hand on my hair to find the elastic and pull it back out. I spin on my heel to see him ogling down at me with the hair tie in his hand and amusement dancing in his eyes.
“You know I like it when your hair is down.” He grins, and I try and reach for the tie wrapped around his fingers. “I’m keeping it, too, so you don’t tie it back up.” He chuckles and reaches up so I can’t get hold of it. I swat his chest playfully as I push myself up to my toes to match the height his arm extends to, but I’m no match for him. “Try all you want, you’re not getting it.” He leans his head against mine while his free arm wraps around my waist, pulling me closer. I stumble a little into him, taking hold of his shoulders to steady myself. He bows his head down to capture my lips, and I kiss him back with a little more pressure.
It’s not Nicolas Aiden Jackson, NFL bad boy extraordinaire.
I blink my eyes open in a panic at the unwelcome thought. It shouldn’t feel like that at all.
I’m happy with Ted. I don’t need Nick.
I don’t need him.
So, I pull away after he gives me another quick peck.
“You look very pretty too.” He roams his eyes across my dress. “But green is more your color.” He’s always liked green on me, but I don’t like it. It doesn’t suit me at all. It depends on the shade of green, I suppose, but it makes me look more . . . round. He likes the dark-forest green. I think yellow fits me more. I don’t know why I like it so much, but it’s my color.
“Thank you.” I blush back. I gape down at his food. He stands behind me and pours the pasta into the bubbling sauce with his arms around me. He kisses my neck as he flicks his wrist with the pan to mix the pasta and sauce together before setting down the empty pot to reach for the wooden spoon once again.
“So, what are you doing next weekend? I was thinking we could go out for dinner on Saturday and then watch a movie at the outdoor theater on Sunday?” His tepid breath washes over the skin on my neck causing me to slightly shiver. I could feel his nose caress the nape of my neck as he asks, making my hairs stand up.
“Saturday for sure, but I don’t think I can do Sunday. Football starts around that time and it’s the Chargers first game. I was going to go with Haley and Danielle if you wanted to join us?” I ask him. He pulls slightly away and fetches a dish to put his food on. After putting the pasta on a dish, he places the pan into the sink. It sizzles as it sinks into the water.
“Um, I think I’ll pass. I don’t like watching football. I have better things to do with my time than watch that crap. I don’t know why you watch it or bother with it. It’s a waste of time watching guys chase each other for a ball covered with pigskin.” He’s very opinionated when it comes to football. I allow him to have that opinion, we’re open in our relationship. “You could spend time with me, especially with all of the work that’s piling up now.” He spoons some food into his mouth and nods at the taste. He likes it. But I can see the hazy clouds forming in his eyes as he waits in anticipation for me to tell him I’ll cancel on the game and watch a movie with him instead. But this is what I like to do. I like watching football, I’ve grown up with it and it will always be a part of me.
“I would like to see my brother’s first game. I haven’t been to a game in a while and I’d like to see one again. You don’t have to come if you don’t want to, but I would like you there,” I offer but he’s having none of it. He refuses to watch it on TV and he most certainly won’t come to a live game.
“I’ll meet up with you later. I’ll do some work while waiting. It’s just a shame my own girlfriend doesn’t want to spend time with me.” He sighs, ignoring my look as I watch him walk away into the living room. I drop my head back and sigh in frustration, mentally swearing at the ceiling as if it would help.
“I do want to see you, so don’t play that card on me. I offered you to come with us, but you don’t want to. And I like going to games; I like watching my brothers play. I’ve grown up with it and I feel like I’m home when I do watch them.” I follow after him into the living room where I can see that basketball is on the TV. He’s not a hugely sporty person, but he likes to watch basketball more than any of the other sports. He’s just not religious about it.
“This is a real sport, not football. No offence to your brothers or dad, but football is full of dumb jocks who grow up to be assholes—”
“We’re not fighting over this, Ted. I’m going to go with them, you’re welcome to come and that’s it. Come or don’t, but don’t say that football players are dumb assholes. You’re including my brothers and father in that statement and I don’t like it. I don’t say that about your family and I expect the same courtesy with mine.” I try to once again nip the problem we seem to have by the bud. I say it every time he brings up his disdain for the sport. He insults my family and me when he says things like his, but he never has the courage to say it to them.
He sighs and sits forward, putting the dish he made down on the wooden table in front of him. He gives me his full attention and leans on his knees, looking up at me with a guilty look in his eyes.
“You’re right. I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to upset you.” He takes my hand and pulls me down to sit next to him with a small bounce. When I do, he kisses the back of my hand and leans back onto the sofa. I lean down so I can lay my head on his beating chest. He strokes my hair. I could fall asleep right now, I’ve had such a tiring day today.
“I know you’ve had a bad past with football players, and I understand—”
“No, you don’t, Carter. Stop saying you do,” he snaps back, making my head snap up and see him with a frown etched on his handsome face.
“I didn’t mean to offend you, Ted—”
“Can we just drop it? We’re not going there. Let’s just watch TV, you can go to the game if that’s what you want, but I won’t be going with you. I’m never going to a game and I’m not wavering on that,” he vows. I nod, understanding that it’s his choice just as much as going to the game is mine. I just wish he would go with me at least once. Seeing my brother play is what I love most. Now that TJ and Nick have joined the team, it’ll be very different.
I have no idea what it’ll be like watching him play again. To see him in a Chargers uniform finally after years of hard work and passion, he’s finally made it. I’m happy for him, but I’m a little bitter to realize that maybe he did make the right choice by dumping me? Maybe he’s one of the best because of it.
Maybe I really was deadweight?
A thought like that brings me down a little. It stung hard because I’m starting to believe it’s true. He never dated after we broke up, Haley made sure to tell me every single time he was brought up in conversation.
Apparently, he was in an unhealthy state after our breakup. I was glad at first, but I felt heartbroken for him as well. I was invited to their graduation but skipped it. I was invited to Ellie’s party and I only attended because he does not want to come back his home. Lynn has been so distraught over his refusal to return home for the holidays and special occasions. Haley and TJ always came home but Nick stayed where he was. He never spoke a word to his father since that day and I felt responsible for that.
I got a lot of cold and snide remarks from him after we ended things, telling me I was only in it for the money and fame because I wanted what my brothers had. I got a lot of names labelled on me, too, but Lynn always apologized for his attitude. When I finally had enough of it, I never went to their home. I felt unwelcomed there.
