Page 174 of Steeling Her
I’m going to win her back.
I’m stealing my girl back.
***
Carter
I drove mindlessly to Ted’s house to see how he was getting on with his presentation, to see if he needed anything or that I could help him in any way, but I couldn’t get out of the car. I’ve been sitting here frozen and glued to my seat with a death grip on the steering wheel, turning my knuckles white at the peaks. I’ve been staring like a deer in headlights out the front window, trying to piece this all together. I couldn’t gather my emotions. I’m all over the place. I’m high and low in the space of two seconds.
Nick Jackson, this is your fault. All your fault.
I never knew what it would be like to see him again, how I would react or what I would say. I wanted to scream at him, make him hurt just as much as I did but I couldn’t think of anything to say, never mind do.
I thought I’d be over it now that I’m taken and in a relationship but no. My heart broke all over again, and I don’t know what to do. I start shedding a few tears alone in my car. I don’t have the courage to leave the metal box that got me here. I don’t feel like I’m in my own body right now as the memories play back in my head.
I shouldn’t be feeling this way.
I never thought it would be so gruelling to see him again. It feels like just yesterday that he dumped me and trampled all over me. The memories of me locking myself away in my room for weeks drowns me in the deep water I’m submerged in. It was so bad, Danielle and Haley had to call my brothers and parents to check on me. Even with their busy schedules, they came and comforted me, but it just wasn’t enough.
I cried my crushed little heart out for him because I loved him. I really and truly fell for him, and I think I do still love him and that’s not fair for any of us, especially Ted.
I can’t be thinking about Nick, but him showing up out of the blue has me doing just that. It’s like telling someone to not imagine a pink elephant, and they do just that. The fact that Chris didn’t tell me that he’s the new quarterback for the team has me fuming. How could he not have warned me about this? Warned me about his return?
My mind is sprinting around in circles, trying to think of ways to avoid him, but I’ve come up with nothing. Like in college, we’re in the same state and group, I have no way of running. At the same time, I don’t even want to run from him.
Ugh! Why now?
I slam my head back and feel the hot tears roll down my cheeks and neck. “Why now?” I yell heavenward, looking like a total maniac in the process.
I don’t know how I’m expected to deal with this. Do I act normal, like we never happened even though it will probably hurt? Or do I scream at him and tell him how much of an asshole he is for coming back into my life and get it over and done with? Or . . . do I—
No, we’re not thinking about that.
You’re not going back there. You can’t. You can’t do that to yourself.
I shake my head to vehemently rid that dangerous thought.
You should kill him with kindness, that’s what my mom used to say when we were younger. When I was in college, she would hold me, let me wail on her and soak her top with my tears. She would rock me back and forth, telling me how I should deal with it and that it’ll all be alright. How I could cope with seeing him on campus for the last few weeks he had. She would communicate with me to put on a smile, kill him with kindness, and make him regret what he lost. I tried very firmly to do that, but it didn’t work. I barely made my classes but passed with flying colors. My parents understood why I didn’t want to go but told me I had to eventually show up to classes. I did, but I evaded his usual routes at all costs, taking the long way to everything and never setting foot in that cafe ever again. I couldn’t. It held bad memories for me and curdled my mood.
I grip my overnight bag on the back seat that I prepared last night in case I would staying over. I yank it into my hold with aggravation. I kick the car door open and wrathfully wipe my tears away. I square up my shoulders and hold my head as I high I can, slamming the door shut with my hip. I lock it and stomp my way up the dark yet dimly lit walkway to his house.
The porch light has moths fluttering around it. I sift out the keys that he gave me from the small pocket in my bag and place the key in the door. I push it open with a little force because the door is stubborn and let myself in like I always do.
“Carter? Is that you?” Ted calls from the kitchen. I can hear the sizzling of food on the pan followed by the smell of garlic and onions wafting through the air.
“Yeah, it’s me.” I follow his voice into the kitchen, placing my bag down on top of the counter while I try to guess what he’s making for himself. He’s shirtless like always when he cooks. He hates the smell latching onto his clothing. I’m surprised he’s wearing pants too. “What are you making? It smells good.” I smile at him and dodge the counter to get to him.
He has the pan in one hand and a wooden spatula in the other. He leans to the side and kisses my lips. I’m praying he doesn’t ask me what’s wrong or points out that my eyes are red.
“Chicken, pasta, and cream. I don’t remember what it’s called though.” He shrugs with a smile. I laugh at him, trying to cover myself and watch him continue cooking his dinner. “How was the meal? Did I miss anything?” he asks, licking the sauce off his hand as he fetched the pasta on the stove and drains the water out of it.
“Oh! Yeah, amazing news! Haley and TJ got engaged when they were in the Bahamas. It was so unexpected and absolutely amazing. I never knew how romantic TJ could be, but he was—”
“Amazing?” he teases me and I blush at how annoying I just got. When I’m happy for my friends, I start to ramble. So it’s obvious that something like this has me thrilled. “I’m happy for them,” he says, focusing on the food he’s preparing. He’s smiling as he places the pasta into the bubbling sauce the chicken strips are in. “I got great news as well. My boss wants me to present to the board of directors tomorrow. So, I’ve got to do my presentation twice tomorrow. I have it down to the finest detail, I’ve nailed my practice runs alone, but I want to practice it with you tonight and see if you get what I’m saying and if you pick up on anything else that I missed. You should ask me questions and whatnot,” he beams, and I nod reluctantly back at him.
This wasn’t how I wanted tonight to go. This was supposed to be a quick visit so I could rest in his bed for the night and think about what had just happened tonight. I saw my ex-boyfriend again. My very gorgeous and very sexy ex-boyfriend. As much as I hate to admit it, he looks so good, even the women in the restaurant highlighted how handsome he was tonight.
I knock some sense into myself and remove the mental image that is now locked inside my mind. What he wore, what he smelt like, and his deep creamy voice that I adore. I can’t even lie to myself about it. He hasn’t changed all that much, he still looks like the same old guy that I fell for. It started to fade slowly but surely because I haven’t seen him for a while, but I never forgot about him. I avoided any interactions with him because it was hard at first. I didn’t want to be around someone who painfully broke my heart into pieces. It was a raw moment between us then, and after seeing him recently, I feel it all over again when I shouldn’t.
