Page 88 of A Voice In Chains
The worst part of losing him is how suddenly it happened. He doesn’t have social media—trust me, I’ve checked—so it’s almost like he never existed.
One moment, he was in my arms. Then the next, he was ripped from me. Just like that. Gone in a flash.
For the brief moment he was mine, I got to experience something I never thought I would.
There’s no doubt in my mind about my feelings for Arkin. I was in love with him. Fuck, I still am. But now I’m ruined for everyone else.
Once or twice, I’ve tried to hook up with other guys, but I either fail to get hard, or I freak out and run away, which is mortifying. No one wants that reputation.
I fucked a girl once, but it was the same thing. I could barely maintain a boner, and in the end, after she was done screaming the place down, I pretended to come.
While I consider myself bisexual, I’m not so sure anymore. What does it matter anyway? My brief time with Arkin made me “Arkin-sexual.” That’s what I’m going to identify as moving forward.
But no, let’s be real for a second—this is my new start. This is my year to finally move on. To come to peace with the fact that Arkin isn’t coming back. To have fun and maybe fall in love with someone else.
In the midst of my musings, Harrison lands a headshot and fist bumps the air.
When him and Ryan exchange an odd look before glancing at me, I pause. “What?”
“Nothing,” Harrison says, quitting out of the game and checking the time on his phone. “It’s getting dark out, we should get a bite to eat.”
Ryan tosses the controller aside and then stands up. “That’s the best idea you’ve had all day. What about that American roadside diner we saw on our way here?”
“That’s a thirty-minute drive down the motorway. Can we not just order in? I’m knackered,” I tell them.
Another shared glance between them. Harrison smirks, and Ryan leaves the room.
“What was that?” I ask.
“What was what?” Harrison shoots back, responding to a text message.
“The odd looks between you two tonight.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Whatever,” I mumble. “If you guys want to head out for food, go ahead. I’ll order something from UberEATS tonight.”
Harrison finishes typing on his phone, then pockets it with a frown. “What are you talking about? It’s our first night in our own place, bro. You’re not staying in by yourself.”
“Look, it’s been a long day. I’m not driving thirty minutes to eat. Maybe another night.”
“You’re bailing on us on our first night?”
“It’s just one night. I need to unpack some of my shit and?—”
Something is placed over my head, and then I’m tackled to the ground. Shocked, I flail, kicking and grappling at whatever is within reach.
“Ryan, what the hell, man? What are you doing?” Harrison asks, surprised.
I punch something. One of them grunts. They’re both on top of me now.
“He won’t come willingly.”
“So you’re kidnapping him?” Harrison sounds like he wants to laugh but he’s concerned too.
“What the fuck is happening?” I roar. “What are you doing?”
Someone ties my hands behind my back and hauls me to my feet. “You’re coming with us.”
