Page 40 of Banshee
“How is it Banshee’s fault?” she asked, and I glowered at her.
“Are you going to make me spell it out?”
“I am.” She nodded, no longer hiding her amusement.
I turned back to the coffeemaker and switched it off while I poured two cups. After replacing the carafe, I switched it back on to finish percolating. I set the cup in front of her, ignoring her question. As I grabbed the milk and sugar, I thought about how to answer it.
Once Haizley asked a question, she wouldn’t move on until I answered. I didn’t know how to answer without telling her everything.
“Are you in love with him?”
I sat at the table and glanced at her. “Maybe.”
“For how long?”
“Since the day he stood up to my father. I tried to tell myself it was a crush. But every day of my marriage, every time my husband hit me, I thought about him. I knew he would never have treated me that way. Then I became angry with him. I’d told myself it was his fault. I realized I was angry with him for the very reason I fell in love with him.”
“Because he told your father no.”
I nodded, swiping a tear from my cheek. Haizley reached over and held my hand. “It’s okay to feel.”
“I don’t want to.”
She leaned back and picked up her cup. After taking a sip, she smiled. “We never want to.”
I knew she was talking about her and Gunner. Haizley had fought against Gunner and her feelings. Now she was his old lady, and she was so happy. Different from the girl who came to the hospital to check on me. More confident, if that was possible.
“He feels responsible. Like it was all his fault because he said no.”
“Did he tell you that?” she asked, and I nodded as I took a sip of my own coffee.
“He literally told me it was his fault. If he’d said yes to my father...” I closed my eyes before adding, “I’m an obligation to him. Nothing more.” Opening my eyes, I looked at Haizley and asked, “So why did it feel like cheating?”
“Because what we feel is based on whatwefeel. Not what someone else feels.” She chuckled at my confusion. “You love him, and whether he loves you or not, letting someone else touch you feels like betrayal.”
“I don’t feel that way about Pepper. When Banshee is close to me, Pepper is the last thing on my mind.”
“Because love and marriage don’t always go hand in hand. You can have one without the other.” She set her cup on the table. “Tell me something— why aren’t you speaking to him?”
“Because if I open my mouth, I’ll tell him who was here. And I made a promise.”
“Is that person more important to you than Banshee?”
“No.” I knew she was right. I just didn’t know if I could trust Banshee with this. Haizley didn’t understand club politics. He would be required to tell King.
“If this is causing you this much stress, maybe you should talk to Banshee. Explain why you can’t tell him who was here. He might understand.”
“Maybe.”
“I think we’re done for today unless there is anything else you want to discuss?”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. My mind was still on whether I should tell Banshee the truth. I stood up from the table and rinsed the cups in the sink. I walked Haizley out to the porch, and that was when I heard him. His ridiculous self-righteous bullshit.
“The first time I saw her, she scared the shit out of me. I’d never felt anything even close to the shockwave that went through me. But she was so fucking young.
“Did she remind me of my sister? Yeah, she did. That’s why I said no. I couldn’t end her life the way my sister’s life ended. I wouldn’t tie her down to someone she wasn’t in love with. She had her whole fucking life ahead of her. She deserved to choose her own fate.”
“Then maybe you should have asked her what she fucking wanted.”
