Page 196 of Soul So Dark
I would never admit it to him, but when I turned around and saw him for the first time at GalactiCon, I was terrified. Shelby’s right, he did look like he stepped straight out of the Hive fromResident Evil,with his dark eyes, sharp jaw, and twice as much muscle as the last time I saw him. I recognized him, but he looked like a mirage, a clone that was just different enough to make me wonder if it was really him.
But as soon as I kissed him, felt his skin, and smelled his hair, I knew it was him. I knew it was Alex—my Alex.
But he’s supposed to be dead.
Colson said he died, and Alex confirmed it. Yet, he’s still here, and I’m inside his swanky apartment only miles from my house. As soon as we rolled up in front of this building, I knew I was grossly underdressed. I never even knew apartment buildings could have front desks. Do people do things for you? We can barely get the maintenance guy to come replace a window unit when it kicks out.
I hear Alex’s muffled voice go silent and, a few seconds later, he says my name.
Who was he talking to? I don’t know what he was saying, but it sounded like someone he knew. He called themmi jovencita.Is that a nickname? Like…
Mí Mariposita?
Who else does he have names for?
Maybe this is why you should’ve studied more in Spanish…
I hear Alex say my name again, and after a few seconds, he says it louder. He begins walking around, calling my name. He sounds worried, and then irate—almost panicked. I don’t know what for, I’m obviously still here. I might be comfortable with public nudity in some situations, but walking through town back to my house in the middle of the night isn’t one of them.
I press my lips together, trying not to laugh. He sounds positively frantic.
Shit, what if Alex has PTSD?
I don’t know where he’s been for the past six years. I’m sure Colson has PTSD, and look what it did to him. I glance down at myself in the residual glow of the city lights. Well, if anything happens, I guess it’ll make for an interesting headline.
The front door opens, and then closes. It sounds like he left. I hope he’s not trying to call me.
That’s what you get for not letting me go back inside for my phone.
Soon, the front door opens and closes again, his heavy footfalls muted as he moves across the concrete. My cheeks tense as a smile creeps across my face. But my muscles go rigid when the bedroom door bursts open and he steps into the room.
Motionless, I wait for Alex’s figure to appear in my peripheral vision and track him with my eyes as he slowly meanders to the end of the bed. His black hoodie lays on the dresser behind him, just beneath the giant mirror affixed to the wall. But, soon, his reflection eclipses mine and all I see is his narrow waist that gives way to his broad chest and shoulders.
“You wouldn’t stop to let me get a change of clothes,” I tell him, pressing my fingertips into my thighs.
“I told you, you don’t need them.”
“I’m not a kid anymore, Alex,” I smile up at him.
“ThankGod,” he sneers down at me with disgust.
“And I’m not scared of you.”
“Were you ever?”
I hesitate, my eyes drawn up to his intimidating gaze.
“Were youever?” he asks again, much slower this time.
“One time,” I finally answer. “But it’s also the one time I always wanted to go back to. I think about it when I’m about to fall asleep, so maybe I’ll start dreaming about it, and maybe it won’t stop at the same place it always does.”
His gaze feels more and more like an inferno with each passing second.
“And now, I’m old enough for you to fuck me like you wanted to that one night. I’ve thought about it a lot—how you ran to my house and climbed through my window. I didn’t even have time to get dressed. I remember how you kissed me, and then you bent me over my bed. You scared me, and you were right to stop. But after you left, I wished you hadn’t. Because I didn’t think I’d ever get another chance. I wished you’d done it so I could at least say it happened. And that’s what I was thinking about when I let AJ watch me the other night—whenyouwatched me the other night.”
Alex cups my chin, brushing his thumb over the edge of my lip as he caresses my jaw. “I’ve done a lot of things, Dal, vile things that are better left behind in faraway places. But I couldn’t do that to you—take your voice like that. And maybe I did that anyway by not telling you who I was until now, but I’m willing to live with that, because I couldn’t stand to be away from you any longer.” He runs his fingers around the back of my neck, twisting them into my hair, “But you’re not a girl anymore. You’re a woman with the only thing I’ve wanted, but never been able to have, until now.”
The way he looks at me takes me back to the dark places; the movie theater, the janitor’s closet, the empty classroom, the rusted-out car in the woods, and my bedroom, where I fantasized about Alex Barrera, wishing he would appear at my window in the dead of night and crawl into my bed with me, and wishing he didn’t have a conscience.
