Page 121 of Soul So Dark
I furrow my brow. “When?”
“I don’t know,” she shrugs, “I just found it by the window.”
I know I’ve used this knife since the last time I was in this room. But then how could she have found it here? I don’t have the mental capacity to worry about it right now, so I just accept it and tuck the knife into my pocket.
“Alex?”
“Yeah, Mama?”
“Will you—” she hesitates, licking her lips like she’s working up her nerve, “will you give me one?”
“Give you one what?”
And then Dallas gazes up into my eyes with the most intensity I’ve ever seen. “The same tattoo you have.”
“No,” I clip. “Absolutely not.”
“Why not?” she demands with the most incredulous scowl.
“Dallas, I’m not slicing you up with my knife.”
I’m notColson,for Christ’s sake…
“Why can you do it with them, but not with me?”
Does she really have to ask that?
“Why do you want one?”
“Because you’re leaving. And I don’t know…”
My chest tightens as she trails off. She doesn’t have to finish for me to know what she’s implying. It’s the same thing Adrian’s been saying outright since I told him I was enlisting.
Dallas’s tone suddenly changes. “I don’t need your permission,” she hisses, “but you said it only counts if one of you do it. And ifyoudon’t…”
I’m not sure if she herself would do it, but the thought of her asking someone else to carve a number—my number—into her flesh fills me with a toxic mixture of rage and betrayal. And maybe that’s how she meant it.Little hellion…
My eyes locked onto hers, I rise up on my knees and reach back into my pocket for my knife. But as soon as I flip it open, I know I can’t do it—at least not in its current condition. Scanning the room, I zero in on a lighter tucked between a couple of candles on the bookshelf. It never would’ve occurred to any of us to worry about whether we were slicing into each other with a clean blade. But if she wants me to do this, I’m going to do it right.
Dallas watches with baited breath as I slowly sweep the flame back and forth over every inch of the blade. When I’m satisfied it’s sterile enough, I toss the lighter onto the comforter and sink down between her legs, slowly pulling her shirt up to expose her torso.
I tap the blade with my finger to make sure it’s cool and then press my free hand to her skin to hold it taught.
“Once I start, I’m not stopping ‘til it’s finished.”
I adjust my hold on the knife and she sucks in a breath as soon as I touch the tip to her skin.
“You need something to bite on?” I smile.
But when I glance up, I spy one of her fuzzy, mint green Squishmallows peeking out from behind her hair and suddenly, Aiden’s voice pops into my head.
She’ll be biting the hell out of them soon enough…
I put my head back down and try to focus on what I’m doing.Fuck you, Aiden. Fuck you…
“Just breathe, Dal,” I say softly as goosebumps skitter down her arms. “Just keep breathing.”
Having recently sharpened my knife, I press down and immediately draw blood. I would tell her the sharper it is, the less it’ll hurt, but I don’t think it’ll make a difference. She digs her fingers into one of my shoulders with tiny gasps while she claws the comforter with the other, eliciting a response in me that I try my hardest to ignore.
