Page 15 of Ghost of Christmas Future
“My gift is all systems go too,” Ten agreed. “I’m a total blank when it comes to Jude.”
“Isn’t that the definition of faith?” Ronan asked. “Believing in something you can’t see? I know all three of us believe Jude’s going to wake up and come home. Maybe God’s testing our faith, by asking the two of you to let him take the lead on this one.”
It wasn’t like Ronan to talk about God. His relationship with the Catholic Church had been strained from the time he was a little boy in parochial school. Ten, and himself, for that matter, didn’t have the best relationship with the Almighty either. Ten had been forced to attend a church that railed against who he was inside. He’d been turned out of his house and been declared dead to his parents when he’d come out to them. As for Cope, his father only cared if Cope attended church for how it looked to the neighbors. Buford couldn’t have given two fucks for faith, love, or hope. “You might be right.”
“It seems to me that you both feel like failures of a sort because neither of you can see what’s next for Jude. That’s how I live every day of my life.” Ronan paused and grinned at his husband. “When I cracked my head and woke up being able to see dead people a few years back, I remember being so happy that I could talk to my mother again. Seeing the future was interesting, but it took all the fun out of things. Knowing if the Patriots were going to win or lose. Seeing that Everly had been in a fight at school and knowing exactly how and why it happened. Somehow, I always felt like I was cheating by knowing things ahead of time. It took the fun and spontaneity out of life. I understand Jude is a different matter, but I’m getting an odd feeling that this is how things are supposed to play out.”
Cope had to admit Ronan was probably right. He had faith in so many things; Jude, himself, Wolf, Lizbet, Ten, Ronan, his gift. Nowhere in that list was God. Ronan obviously believed God wasgoing to bring Jude through this crisis. Who was Cope to say he was wrong?
Digging deep, Cope realized he was willing to run on faith in a higher power. He would do everything he could to get Jude through to better days, but he’d leave tomorrow up to God.
11
Jude
Jude stood by his hospital bed staring down at his body. He watched his chest move up and down thanks to the ventilator, saw his heart rate and brain activity chart across the monitor above his bed. He was alive and stable, but in a sort of limbo.
“It’s more like suspended animation,” Bertha said, appearing beside Jude.
“I was wondering if I’d see you again.” Jude wrapped Bertha in a hug. He pulled back to look at her. There was one question he’d always wanted to ask Bertha, but the timing never seemed to be right until now. “Does being dead ever piss you off?”
Bertha laughed. “It sure the hell does, honey. Every. Single. Day. I’ve got a son-in-law, a daughter-in-law, six grandbabies, six bonus sons, and five bonus grandbabies who I’ve never gotten to hug or meet in person. I didn’t get to walk down the aisle at Carson or Cole’s weddings. Didn’t get to pick out cribs or baby clothes, or sit around the tree on Christmas morning to open presents. I’m luckier than most with some of you being able to see dead people, but it’s not the same as being there in person to cook the turkey or bake cookies.”
Jude understood where Bertha was coming from. “When Ronan, Fitz, and I were in Vermont for the last two weeks, I felt like that. I didn’t get to read stories or tuck my kids into bed. I didn’t have quiet time with Cope to talk or cuddle. It sucked not hearing Wolf tell funny stories about his day at school, or new words Lizbet had learned. I thought a lot about you during that week. To be honest, I couldn’t have given two fucks if we caught the killer, I just wanted to get home to my family.”
“I hear you Jude. I think that’s what we all want. To be in a place and time where we’re the most loved we’ve ever been. Where we’re surrounded by our favorite people.” Bertha offered Jude a dazzling grin. “Let’s go take a peek, shall we?” She held out her hand.
“Is this the part where you turn into the Ghost of Christmas Past?” Jude snickered.
Bertha sighed. “Just take my hand.”
Jude did what Bertha asked. He threaded his fingers with hers and instantly felt dizzy. He slammed his eyes shut until he found his equilibrium. When Jude opened his eyes, he found himself standing on his back deck in the middle of the night. He remembered this moment instantly. “Lizbet and I had only been home from the hospital for a few weeks. I was still pretty weak from dying and was having panic attacks that would wake me up in the middle of the night. As luck would have it, my little ladybug wasn’t sleeping through the night either.”
“I remember those days with Carson and Cole.” Jude could hear the fondness in Bertha’s voice.
“Usually, I’d take Lizbet downstairs and give her a bottle while I watched ESPN highlights, but this night I took her outside instead. It was May and the weather had finally taken a turn toward spring. I took a seat in the lounge chair with the baby’s back against my chest so we were both looking up at the stars.” Jude took a few steps closer to himself and Lizbet, loving the look of wonder in his own eyes.
“You two look very sweet together.”
“Any second now there’s going to be a shooting star.” Jude paused and sure enough it appeared. “You’re gonna burn bright just like that star,” Jude said, along with his past self. “You canbe anything you want, an astronaut, a chef, a fire captain, a mommy, just do it with your entire heart and soul and don’t let anyone ever tell you no.” The baby raised her hand and cooed as the meteor streaked across the sky.
“I never had these tiny infant moments with Wolf. He was a few months old when we adopted him. After this night Lizbet and I would keep coming out to look at the stars. I even bought star charts to study so that I could point out different constellations to her. I wonder if stargazing made any impact on her?”
Bertha giggled.
“What? What’s funny? Is LizzyB gonna be an astrophysicist or the engineer who creates the NASA spacecraft that flies to Mars?”
“Our little Lizzy’s life is definitely going to revolve around the stars.” Bertha started laughing.
“Shit, Bertha, please don’t tell me my daughter is going to be a famous actress.” Jude couldn’t imagine seeing Lizbet on the screen making out with famous actors.
“She’s going to be famous all right! As an astrologer.”
“Astrologer? You mean she’s gonna study the stars and find new planets or have a comet named after her.”
“That’s an Astronomer. I saidastrologer. Lizzy’s gonna read people’s destiny in the stars. Tourists will come from far and wide to have her create their star charts and give her own private horoscopes. Lizzy, Aurora, Everly, Laurel, and my namesake, Baby Bertha will be the faces of West Side Magick’s third generation.”
“Huh, I never saw that coming.”
