Page 38 of Sinister Hearts
“What do you think you’re doing? You’ve been drinking, you can’t drive!” I tried to talk sense into him, but there was no use.
“Oh yeah? Watch me!” he shouted, as I stood in the doorway in protest.
“Vadon, you are not drinking and driving, sleep on the couch!” I gasped, trying to grab the keys from his hand. Vadon then grabbed me, picked me up, and slammed me hard against the bedframe before collapsing to the floor. My vision turned black as my bones screamed in agony, my air struggling against my ribs. I gasped for any kind of oxygen, the blow felt like a cement truck had run over my frail body, stuck in a cradle position. I was going to die, right here in front of my daughter. Blood began to drip from my nose as my head began to throb violently.
“You fucking whore! Get the fuck out of my house!” Vadon screamed at me, while I lay on the floor in agony. Birdie began to cry, mere inches away from where I was thrown, her cries revving any ounce of strength I had left. I struggled to get to my feet, and ran to her, picking her up and coddling her.
Vadon proceeded to punch the walls violently. Afraid of what he would do next, I tried to make a run for it out of the room, when he ran after me, grabbing my hair nearly making me fall.
“You’re nothing without me but a bar dancing slut! That’s all you will ever be!” His spit flew out at me.
Six Months Ago-(The last time.)
Things were getting worse between Vadon and I. Between the gambling, the drinking, the late night phone calls of women, and Vadon coming home without his wedding band, I knew things had been over for a while. He had me in a position where I was vulnerable. Maybe that’s what he wanted, but I couldn’t help but kick myself in the ass because I let it happen. I stayed. No matter the red flags, no matter the abuse, I wanted to give Birdie something I never had, which was a family. To the point where I didn’t even care if it wasn’t right or healthy. I’d put my happiness on the line for her. I’d be the sacrificial lamb. Which was the biggest mistake of my life. I had no controlover our finances, no control over anything. I felt like a captive in my own home, except Vadon’s shackles were mental and emotional. Five years of this life and I felt stuck and hopeless. Where would we go?I had nothing, I was nothing.After being told that for so many years, I started to believe it. Vadon had made it a point to isolate me two hours away- from any support system, from anyone who may be able to see behind the covert curtains, of our picture perfect life.
Vadon’s close cousin, Amanda, had suddenly passed. I had planned to separate from him for a whole month, and go back home for a few months to figure out my next steps. But with Amanda’s passing there was no way. The timing didn’t seem right and no matter how awful Vadon was, I wasn’t heartless.I’d waited years, I could wait a couple more months, I thought to myself. I wiped the tears away from my face. I just had to hang on, a little longer. We had his family and Amanda’s friends over for company. Amanda had passed away last night, and everyone gathered here to mourn. But it seemed to be more of a party. One of the guests was Marcy; a long time friend of Vadon and Devina—Vadon’s sister.
I didn’t care much for her, considering the fact Vadon’s grandmother, Carol, spilled the beans, and told me Marcy had always been in love with Vadon,including while I was pregnant with Birdie.It was a big fight considering I had let her into our home on numerous occasions. I felt like an idiot, a damn fool to say the least. Vadon swore he had no clue, and I believed him. But tonight wasn’t about me, it was about Amanda, and I tried my hardest to be civil for her. Amanda was the only one with soft eyes and a good heart in this wretched family. The only one who was receptive to me, and welcomed me with open arms. Oh, how I missed her. Her laughs and her aura.
It was late and a lot of the guests had already left, but one of them remained, Marcy. I was too mentally exhausted to eventry participating in the drinking. From playing hostess and caring for both Vadon and Birdie, exhaustion was not even the word to describe how I was feeling.
I noticed Marcy had stepped outside and a minute after, so did Vadon. An alarm of unease went off in my head that I couldn’t simply ignore. Surely, I was being paranoid. So I waited a minute, then another, and another. Ten minutes passed by, and before I knew it, a cautionary feeling overwhelmed my gut.
I stepped outside and didn’t see them. I couldn’t spot anyone. It was pitch black outside, and the patio lights were completely off. I heard whispers in the near distance and began to follow them. There they were, kept away, hiding in the dark and shadows. Vadon and Marcy were on the side of the house, intimately close—too close for my liking. His arm was above her head, planted on the wall, and she was slouched underneath him. Not even the darkness could hide them any longer. Even a blind man could see, could sense what this was. A moment caught by no other than me. A disruption waiting to implode.
“What’s going on here?” I asked, walking around the corner of the house, coming out from the darkness. They both looked at me, frantic, as if they were caught.
Vadon nervously moved his arm from the wall above her head, and put his hands in his pockets. “Uh, I was just talking to Marcy, she’s really upset about Amanda,” he gulped nervously. I looked at Marcy, as she looked caught in the act and inebriated.
“So you both couldn’t do that in the house?” I asked, eyeing both of them suspiciously.
They glanced at each other silently.
“I should probably go,” Marcy murmured, taking off in a hurry.
“Yeah, I think that’s a good idea,” I retorted, shouting after her as she paced from the dark corner of the house.
Vadon was stuck in silence. In guilt. He paced back into the house, while I followed behind.For the first time, he was speechless. Maybe Marcy caught his tongue.
“How could you be so disrespectful in our own home, Vadon?” I seethed at him. He was drunk and I knew I was starting a fight I couldn’t win, but I didn’t care anymore. I wasn’t going to silence my voice like he always expected me to. The number of times I bit my tongue until I bled. No more. “I’m done with you!” I screamed at him, letting all the years of abuse and infidelity out in this moment, it came out like a brazen declaration, raw and unyielding.
Vadon slammed me against the wall, holding me there by the throat. His piercing gaze was void of any humanity. I kicked him in the groin, without any hesitation. We struggled, survival taking over my primal instincts. Vadon fell to the ground in agony.
I took out my phone and started dialing 911, my hands so shaky I could barely dial.
“What are you doing?” Vadon shouted, panting for breaths, as he struggled to stand. Rooting himself on the tile and swaying back and forth.
“I’m getting us out of here, away from you!” I wailed in fear, pointing my finger at him. “You willneverhurt me again!” My strength was like a boiling pot, the tips of my fingers going ember-hot by the second. My body buzzed with a strength I had never placed before.
Suddenly Vadon was propelled by a gust of wind, and flew back against the wall. Vadon put his hands up in surrender, a look of almost intimidation crossing him.“Okay, okay, I’ll take an Uber and leave! Just, please don’t do that,” Vadon begged, leaving quickly and slamming the door behind him.
I instantly fell to the floor, covering my screams and cries. I succumbed to the fear, my body trembling as I struggled to breathe and calm my racing heart, a panic attack overcoming me. The lights flickered as the power went out.Fucking fantastic. I lit a few candles and sat on the floor. My tears distorted my vision. She was safe. I was safe. We were safe.
Ma came for us the next morning. I spent the whole night packing our clothes in trash bags as fast as I could in fear that he would come back and attack me again. I walked out of that treacherous house and never looked back. That was it. The moment I had spent a month preparing for. Was the timing perfect? No. But there’s never a good time for instances like these. The drive was silent, but I couldn’t help but feel that a bigger part of me felt relief. The lock had disintegrated. It was no more. I was free. I had been a caged bird for so long, I had forgotten what freedom felt like. Did I even remember how to fly?
“You’re going to be okay, mija,” Ma whispered to me as I looked out the window, at the vast desert before me, following the yellow lines as they passed us by in the street. On my way back to my small hometown, a place I promised myself I’d never go back to, I tried to imagine I was anywhere but here. While I felt free, I also felt doom, which was conflicting. This is what I had wanted. This is what I had planned. I wasn’t in love with Vadon. I was in love with the idea of a stable home. A family. I wanted it so much it ruined me. But it still hurt. Knowing this is the way it ended. Knowing after everything, I ended up broken. We ended up broken. I had failed. Maybe because I couldn’t love him, it had turned him mad. Yes, maybe it was my fault entirely.
Present-
