Page 35 of Sinister Hearts
“No,you’repast it. I’m not,” I replied, my voice muffled by the constriction in my throat. Faye looked at me like she was at a loss for words, for once in her life.
“Is that what you think, that I’m over what happened?” she shouted, as I began clawing at my neck, my air escaping me like a violent thief.
“Isn’t that why you left, Faye?” I asked, gasping for air. I didn’t care, she could kill me a thousand times, and I’d still come back, fuck her silly, and love her deeply. Faye walked closer to me as I fell to my knees, swallowing air. This was not how I wanted this conversation to go.
“No, you left. You left like the coward that you are. At least I was brave enough to feel it. How dare you, Grimwood!” Faye shouted at me, pointing to me as her eyes shifted into a marble black, darker than any soul I’ve ever hunted. Car windows burst into shambles on the cobblestone street, and sirens wailed in the distance. “It was for the best, remember?” Her words stabbed me as soon as they fell from her lips. The pain wasn’t from my air being taken from me, but from her words cutting me deeply, a wound too fresh to touch, still after all this time.
“Bean was my baby, too.” I stood my ground. I knew she couldn’t hurt me, but if it was what it would take for her to get over the pain, I’d let her. I’d take every damn blow, just so the pain wouldn’t touch her. My little ljos. Faye stood there, shocked by my statement. I was seething between each breath, my vision becoming cloudy. She released her hold on me and I gasped for air, letting the oxygen fill my burning lungs. Faye began to walk away.
No, she would hear me this time. She would not walk away from me again without letting me speak my peace, my truth. Standing from my knees, I called out to her.
“It’s haunted me for the last five years and I’m sick of acting like it didn’t happen. I’m sick of acting like it still doesn’t tearme apart, Faye. You won’t even talk about it. Do you even think about it? Did you even think about me? I need you, Faye. It’s always been you… in here,” I said, tapping my chest. There it was. The words I wanted to tell her for five years. It fell silent, too silent.
Faye stopped in her tracks and turned to me, tears falling from her desolate eyes. “I have to go. I’m going to be late,” she replied. This is what she did. She always ran.
“How long are you going to keep running from me, Faye?” I asked her as my voice cracked.
She didn’t answer, she just looked at me. Her silence was all the answer I needed. I dropped her off at the bar and the ride was dead silent. I didn’t bother to say anything more to her and just took off. I think this time, she broke me.Well, well, how the tables have turned.I deserved everything I got from her. I clung to my restricted throat, her strength surprising me. She didn’t seem startled; she was taking the very air from me, but with a simple glance. I groaned, amazed at her capabilities, and so soon. My little ljos was ready to detonate, and I would be there aiding her, to push all the buttons. I knew it wouldn’t be easy.
I knew Faye would fight me until the very end because that’s just who my stubborn little brat was. I chuckled at her attempt to choke me to death. How I loved watching her be enraged with power. The conversation did not go at all how I imagined. I knew it was a sensitive topic, and I knew there was a chance she would lose it on me. Which I was already prepared for. But the next time, I’d make sure I’d be doing the choking. What delicate timing, Cindy fucking Martinez.
My shift dragged on, mostly because I couldn’t stop thinking about everything Jax had expressed to me. I wasn’t expecting it and was surely not expecting it out front of the arcade after a run in with that sucia, Cindy, my nemesis from high school. Jax was right, I had no right being upset that I didn’t know he and Cindy used to be together. I literally ran off and married a man two hours away. He owed me nothing. We lived two separate lives for years. But it still pissed me off. Outof all his pickings it just had to be her? The popular cheerleader, who constantly threw herself at whichever cowboy won the rodeos in town, or had the most money and land. A buckle bunny if I ever saw one. I sighed in disgust.
“What’s wrong, chica, you look like someone shit in your Cheerios this morning.” Avi said, coming from the back after restocking the bar. I told her everything, minus the painful memory of the miscarriage, and the paranormal shit.
She sat on the bar just listening to my novella of a life. “Trust me when I tell you, you have nothing to worry about when it comes to Cindy.” Avi chuckled, and hopped off the counter. “The Grimwood’s couldn’t stand her, especially his mom, Diana.” For some odd reason this made me feel better. “Diana would always talk and ask about you at family functions, and it would drive Cindy bonkers,” Avi said, laughing. “He broke up with her last Thanksgiving. The girl seriously needs to get over it.”
I noticed a wound on her right shoulder. She winced and grabbed it. “Are you okay?” I asked her, concerned, eyeballing the wound that was bandaged and wrapped with a red bandana.
“Oh yeah, I’m good, chica. I got hurt while working out the other day, no big deal.” Avi laughed it off. This did check out, considering her and Creed were deeply into fitness. I tracked back to her comment from before. “On Thanksgiving, huh?” I asked, a lump catching in my throat. That was the day I had the miscarriage. The day my life seemed to change forever.Ourlives forever. Did I overreact? No, fuck that, he still had a lot of explaining to do. We both did. I had exactly thirty minutes until my shift was over. I glanced at the clock, and peeped back at it every few minutes.
“Go. Go get your man, girl. I got the bar,” Avi said from behind the bar.
“You’re the best, Avi.” So thankful for her, I hugged her tight.
“Don’t I know it!” she shouted out while I gathered my belongings, running out the door.
Everything he had told me earlier… he was telling the truth. Not that I thought Jax was lying. But after Avi told me he broke it off with Cindy on Thanksgiving Day, I knew why. I needed him to know that the past haunted me, too. I needed him to know he wasn’t alone in grieving our unborn child. I didn’t know what I would say, or even do. I just knew I had to go to him.
I pulled up to the black barndominium, rushing out as I slammed my truck door, running to the porch and knocking on the door hard. It was merely seconds before the living room and porch lights went on. I could hear heavy boots shuffling behind the door. It was him, I could sense him. Jax opened the door, looking a mess, holding a bottle of Tennessee Whiskey in his hand, with his dark brown hair disheveled. He stood there in those damn gray sweatpants in utter shock.
“What are you doing here, it’s two a.m.?” Jax asked, running his hand through his beard.
“Ask me again.” I said, standing on his porch, while the light rain started to patter on the wood frames.
“What?” Jax was seemingly puzzled.
“Ask me again, Jax,” I said, stepping a foot towards him, touching his broad chest in his black cotton tee. It dawned on him like a light bulb went off. “Ask me,” I whispered to him in close proximity, our eyes reading each other like a scripture.
“Did you think of me, Faye?” he asked, with a lump in his throat as we faced each other closely in the doorway.
“Every day,” I whispered into his mouth. A tear rolled down his cheek as I kissed it, the salty tear leaving its presence on my lips. Jax took a heavy breath, his shoulders visibly becoming less tense and lighter.
Jax lifted me as I wrapped my legs around him. We kissed with a desperation—a kinetic passion, kissing the pain away ina frenzy of sensual eagerness. He placed his fingers between my neck and hair, as we stole each other’s breaths. We bumped into the stair case and knocked over the coat rack. “Shit.” Jax attempted to pick it up. “Fuck it.” We chuckled in the dark as he carried me to his room. I tugged his shirt off, throwing it on the wooden floor.
Jax laid me down gently on his bed, gazing down at me, lost in a fever of passion. Our breaths became rapid. I panted, waiting for him to take me. I ran my hands through his heavily inked torso. He was so intoxicatingly beautiful. A piece of dark hair fell before his hazel eyes, biting his lip as he unbuckled his pants and slid them off. He was so hard, his length was straining against his boxer brief’s. I pulled them down his muscular waist. His cock bobbed in the air, begging to be taken. I wanted him inside of me so badly. I grabbed his pulsing hard length, and Jax began groaning in my hands. I took him into my mouth, salivating at the taste of him. “Fuck, Faye,” he groaned. I licked the slit at the tip of his head, teasing him like he teased me in the barn.
I’d make sure he’d never take another puta sucia into his barn again. Claiming and possessing what was mine, I took him in my mouth, fully choking on his girth. I could barely fit him into my mouth, spitting on it and making it a slobbery mess, driving him to come in my mouth. Jax grabbed me by the back of my hair, making a ponytail with his hand, shoving his hard cock down my throat, making me take him deeper and deeper, suffocating my air.
