Page 30 of Sinister Hearts
“Take off that towel, Faye,” Vadon demanded, his icy tone striking my unsettled nerves.
“Please, my feet are so swollen, I’m exhausted.” I stood there drenched from my shower, covering myself with my white cotton towel, fear creeping into my throat.
“What, you don’t want to fuck your husband on our wedding night?” His black eyes narrowed in on me. My heart began to race, knowing the monster was behind the drunken lens.
“Please, Vadon, I’m tired. Can we just cuddle and go to bed?” I said, trying not to irritate the monster further. “Come on, let’s lay down, please.” Fear grew rapidly in my tired, heavy bones.
Vadon laughed in drunken vexation. “You were nothing but a whore who danced on bars, and I saved you from that life. You selfish fucking bitch!” Vadon stood fiercely now in my face, his spit flying from his mouth to my face. “You won’t even fuck me on our wedding night?” Vadon snickered. “I see the way you look at my friend Kevin. Are you fucking him? Is that why you won’t fuck me?”
I stood there, frozen, stuck in fawn. Disassociating somewhere else, anywhere else away from him, from here.Vadon grabbed the resort chairs in our suite, throwing them, breaking them to pieces only mere inches from me. I stood frozen in time, petrified. I gazed at the splintered wooden chairs broken all over the floor. Only thoughts and screams I couldn’t voice out loud. What have I done? I dropped my towel and I hugged him closely to my chest, terrified the monster would overcome him. Vadon shook me violently.
“I love you, don’t you get it, why don’t you love me how I love you? You fucking rotten bitch!” Vadon screamed, his veins protruding from his neck as he cried and screamed in my arms, as my body shook, still frozen.
I kissed Vadon, hoping it would stop the monster as he cried into my mouth, attempting to kiss me. I held my gags back as tears stained my cheeks. Terrified for my unborn child, I began stroking his tiny flaccid dick, hoping to distract him so he wouldn’t hurt us. Please, gods, help me.
Not a vow, not a ring, not even a big wedding will guarantee you a person that respects and loves you. These things simply can not be bought. They are taught, learned. Not given or bought. My reality sank its teeth deep into me. Nothing would change, would it? I twisted the four carat diamond ring with my thumb nervously, and stood before him, nude and fearful. I had to fake it, to play this part, to make sure my baby survived. My instincts took the lead, overriding my fear. Two feet away is where the furniture he smashed landed. Two feet, I could have lost my baby. Two fucking feet. I unbuttoned his shirt with shaky hands, while he looked at me with disdain. I kissed him slowly, attempting to calm him down, withholding the bile in my throat. The fear wanted me to fail in my façade. Vadon crashed his lips into mine, the taste and aroma of liquor strong as he breathed heavy and thick into my mouth. I led him to the bed as I got on top of him. My fear would not win today. We would survive another day.
The music grounded back in as I blinked the madness away.
“Míja, are you okay?” Ma asked me, attuned with my nervous energy.
“Yeah, I’m fine, I just need a drink,” I mumbled, walking to the bar in a haze, desperate for a drink to quench the heaviness growing inside of me. “I’ll take rum with coke, thank you.” The bartender handed me my drink and I took it and downing it like it was water. I needed to numb the panic growing insidemy chest. I could feel the anxiety attack come on. I was here to support my friend and I needed to be present for her. Be happy for her. Even though my own past was haunting me. I let the liquor warm my belly, and hopefully, my fight or flight. I made my way back to the table where Ma and Birdie sat eating their delicious plate of Mexican food. I sat down, trying to pretend like I wasn’t secretly falling apart and crawling beneath my skin. Today wasn’t about me and I needed to gather myself, and quickly.
“May I have this dance?” a rugged, silky voice asked. I looked up to see Jax in a black suit.Damn, he cleaned up nice. Even his beard was cleaned up. He looked dapper.
“Jax, not now,” I huffed in reply.
“Actually, I was asking Birdie, sorry to disappoint you, madam,” he said, smirking at me.
Eating my words, I looked at Birdie in total shock.
“Me?” Birdie asked, surprised, drowning in the oversized chair.
“Yup, how’s about it, little lady?” Jax extended his hand to Birdie, to court her to the dance floor.
“Okay!” she said excitedly, following him to the dance floor.
I swallowed, my heart in my throat. Jax put Birdie on his dress shoes so he wouldn’t step on her tiny feet as she giggled, and they strolled across the dance floor, Jax spinning her any chance he got. I just watched and couldn’t take my eyes off of them. I had never seen her with any man besides Vadon. It was like a dream, a sweet dream I didn’t want out of. I held my breath so tears wouldn’t fall from my face. If I breathed too hard, I would cry.Damn this cowboy.The song ended and Jax brought Birdie back to the table.
Birdie was elated in her floral dress, twirling. “Mama, did you see me? I was dancing.”
“I did, sweetheart, you looked like a princess at a ball,” I replied, squeezing her cheeks. “What do you say to Jax?”
Birdie gave him a nod. “Thank you, Jax,” she said shyly.
“It was my pleasure, Miss Birdie.” He tipped his hat at her. “Now it’s your turn to dance,” he said, his attention turning to me. Birdie pushed me off my chair to the dance floor.
“Oh. No, I’m good.” I chuckled nervously, glancing at Ma and Birdie as they egged me on to go.
“Don’t worry about Birdie,” Ma said. “I got it.” And she gave me a slight wink. I sighed and rolled my eyes, feeling outnumbered… and defeated.
“Okay, but just one,” I conceded, knowing damn well this was a bad idea. It was exactly what I was afraid of. It wasn’t Jax. No, he’d never ever hurt me. But hedidhurt me. Even if not intentionally, it still cut me, scarred me. I could survive Vadon and his torment, even the divorce. But getting hurt by Jax, I wasn’t sure I could live through that pain again, and that frightened me all on its own. I knew that this man had the power, the will if I gave it to him, to completely end me. Did he know just how fragile I was? That I was a ticking time bomb waiting to disintegrate into nothing? That he was the only one with that type of hold on me, even now, and I despised him for it.
Jax led me to the dance floor and grabbed my waist, bringing me in close. We danced cheek to cheek as Bob Dylan’s, “Make You Feel My Love”played. Flutters ravaged my stomach at his touch.
“What were you thinking about?” he asked, with trepidation in his hazel eyes
I instantly went flush and shrugged it off.
