Page 24 of Sinister Hearts
“Damn, how much more do I have to pay you for your time? If I knew this was all it took, I would have done it a long time ago.” He sat his beer down and put his collared peacoat on. Jaxon laughed lightly to himself.
“Very funny, Grimwood.” I watched him walk out of the bar and my heart fluttered. It’s just a damn bike ride.But what was this really about?There was something thick in the air and I couldn’t put my finger on it. My senses were on high alert. Jaxwould never hurt me, so what was it? The truth was, Jaxon is not the same guy I left, but I’m not the same girl he knew either.No, it was something else. An ominous change in the air. I couldn’t pretend for much longer like my night terrors and these weird incidents weren’t affecting me. As if I didn’t have enough on my plate, this supernatural bullshit was not what I needed. Couldn’t a gal just live peacefully and be a forest fairy or something? What could be worse than going on a bike ride with an ex? Oh yeah, marrying the devil. Yup, that one wins. Fuck it. How much worse could life get?
Iwas dressed in my black jeans, hoodie, and my knee-high boots. My go-to always. The rest of the girls had already left. I was uncontrollably nervous, but why? I had been alone with Jax a million times. But this was different.Wewere different. We knew each other, but we didn’t. A bike ride couldn’t hurt, and I really needed that extra hundred dollars. With all the tips, plus this extra few hundred dollars, tonight I’d be more than on track again. Was money really the only reason I agreed to this? In myheart I knew it wasn’t. A fact I wasn’t willing to accept just yet. There were unspoken words that needed to be said between us both. But was I ready? The sensation of closure was eating me alive. Yes, that’s what this was, closure. That’s it.
I walked out of the bar leaving my belongings in my car and locked it. A bike roared behind me and there sat Jax on his black Harley, with his coat and black helmet, his eyes covered and undetectable. Why did he have to be so devastatingly beautiful? He handed me an extra helmet from the back of his Harley. I pulsed in all the places. Places I shouldn’t have.
“You’re not getting on this bike unless you wear it.” His voice was muffled from underneath the helmet. Jax shoved the helmet against me, not taking no for an answer.
“So, you just carry around extra helmets, huh?” I asked him, suspicious. I took the black helmet and put it on twirling my eyes. Jax stood in front of me buckling my helmet. I felt his eyes burn into mine, except I couldn’t see them, but I most certainly could feel them beaming on me like infrared lasers. The moment was quiet. Still and intense. I just wanted to get this over with, before I soaked through my thong and embarrassed myself. I got on the bike. “Let’s go,” I said, breaking the uncomfortable silence, too intense for my liking.
“Hold on tight,” he demanded, his bike roaring to life. I grabbed his muscular chest while my insides melted. He smelled so good, like sandalwood and fire wood. I needed to stop this right now. He drove us off, the cold wind kissing my face with a chill that swirled through my hair. I laughed; genuine, happy laughs.. The night sky was dark, and the stars were whimsical as they blinked at us. Jax took us through the winding roads, the desert passing us by. The moon illuminated against the desert sand and mountains, casting a gleamy shadow.
The Harley roared beneath me as I watched the trees pass by, catching a glimpse of frightening yellow eyes running afterus in the distance. Blinking, I tried to catch a glance through my helmet's visor, when I spotted a chilling creature with massive long legs disappear off into the onyx night. My stomach was in knots, fear infiltrating me.
I patted Jax’s shoulder, literally freaking the hell out. “There’s something out there,” I shouted, trying to get his attention, pointing to the chilling, dark-looking desert. Jax grabbed my right hand, squeezing it in reassurance.
“Nothing will harm you as long as I’m around. Don’t worry about it, I got you,” he responded, shouting from his helmet. He squeezed my inner thigh with his gloved hand. I searched for anything in the darkness that would say otherwise, the yellow eyes were suddenly gone. I steadied my breath and clung to him tighter.How was he so sure, and why did it feel like Niagara Falls between my thighs?
Shortly after, we arrived at Superstition Waterfall—a spot we would all go to as kids. It was the best spot at night because the stars were so bright overlooking the waterfall. They looked like you could catch them in your hand, put them in your pocket, and save them forever. We finally stopped, and he helped me off the bike, taking our helmets off.
“You good?” Jax asked, concerned, as he eyeballed me, sensing my uneasiness .
“Yeah, I just… I think I saw something back there,” I responded, trying to untangle my waves from the wind.
“It could have been a coyote or wolf,” he mocked playfully. I nodded, knowing damn well that creature was no coyote, trying to distract myself with what I saw. Would he think I was bat-shit crazy if I told him?
It was more freezing up at this altitude than it was down in the town by the saloon. Jax took his peacoat off and put it around me. We both sat down on the cliff gazing down upon Grimstone’s city lights, the gigantic moon cascading over thetown in a brilliant moon shade. It was beautiful. We were just fragments on this Earth, here for a glimpse of a moment—an experience. My problems suddenly felt so small. It was in these moments I found peace in silence, where my thoughts didn’t drown out the goodness of the world. The earth always healed me, it was medicine to my soul. It always awakened the kindred spirit in me.
“Wow, I haven’t been here since I was eighteen,” I drawled, taking in the view.
Jax looked at me as I wondered at the stars in awe. “Yeah, me neither,” he admitted, cracking open a cold beverage.
I looked at him, confused by his statement. “You haven’t taken anyone here?” I asked him in denial, truly astonished at this truth.
“What, is that so hard to believe? This was our spot,” he murmured. A silence fell between us, words escaping us both. I didn’t know what to say, or if I should say anything at all. “Look, Faye, what I said the other day… I’m a jackass and I’m sorry. My móðir loved you and she would have loved to know you were back.” His gaze was intense and apologetic.
A lump formed in my throat and I tried to swallow it, but it burned. “You and Ma were right, Jax. I left this town and forgot everybody along with it, while I was living a lie,” My admission was crippling. The truth was, I never forgot Jaxon, not ever. I wanted to tell him that so badly, but couldn’t find the words or the guts.
“Diana was the heart of your family, like Ma is mine. I couldn’t imagine the pain you’ve gone through. I’m sorry for not knowing sooner, I’m sorry… for not being here for you,” I replied, the relief hitting me as soon as the words were spoken out loud.
He was silent for what it felt like forever. “It happened fast. By the time the doctors caught it, she was already stagefour. There was no way chemo would even fight it. It had already spread.” He whispered, his somber eyes meeting mine. I placed my hand on his muscular arm. “Don’t apologize, I was dealing with my own battle, and you were dealing with yours. It’s nobody’s fault. She fought hard for a good year and went peacefully in her sleep.” A tear rolled down my cheek, and Jax caught it with his finger. “Don’t cry, she wouldn’t want that,” he sighed.
He was right. Diana was a beautiful, tough woman. Jax looked a lot like her. He had her hazel eyes and her magnetizing smile. “It’s not just that, Jax. It’s everything. I don’t know how I’m back here, so jumbled up, so lost. How could I have forgotten the people that truly mattered? I was too caught up in the glitz and glamor, but the price was my soul, my happiness…” I went silent, embarrassed by my word vomit.
“You don’t look lost, Faye,” he breathed, as he pushed my hair behind my ear. “You look more found now than ever. Sometimes we take detours to end up at our destination. All that matters is that you get there. You’ve always had a good soul, Faye. You just got lost for a while. I saw the girl I knew all those years ago, tonight, dancing on that bar. I see her now.” He was so close in my proximity I could feel his minty breath.When did Jax become so poetic? He placed his hand on my cheek, staring at my lips, like he always did right before he would kiss me.
I stopped him. Even though I wanted it, I pulled back. “So, tell me about this Grim brotherhood,” I said cheekily, tugging on his collared coat mockingly, trying to change the sore subject. Jax immediately went tense. I could see the struggle on his face, searching for the right words. “What, do you guys kill people or something?” I laughed, entertained by the thought.
Jax stiffened and rubbed his dark auburn beard. “Only the people who deserve it.” Jax winked at me as we laughed. But a part of me wanted to know if he was being serious. “To behonest, it all went downhill after you left,” he said, drinking his canned beverage. My heart sank, but all I could do was listen. “I got into some trouble, Faye.” His expression went dark.
“What kind of trouble?” I asked, concerned and shocked. I could tell this was something he didn’t want to talk about. I could sense his energy. “Well, Grimwood, you already opened the can of worms, so spill it.” I was trying to sound confident, but truth is, I was scared of what he may tell me. Jax was always a rebel soul. But I needed to know who this man was standing before me. I had lived a whole other life in the last five years and some days could barely remember that weak girl. I wished I could go back and hug that girl, to tell her, “It won’t be easy, but it will be okay.”I had lived a whole other lifetime. I could only imagine the lifetimes Jax lived during that time.
Who was this tattooed, outlaw man before me? How did he change so much and what did these patched coats mean? Those questions fed my curiosity. I noticed his hand in the dirt right by mine covered with tattoos and scars; not even the ink thick enough to cover them. I grabbed his hand, running my finger along them. The air became thick between us. Jax peered into me, our eyes meeting one another’s. “Tell me,” I whispered to him. Jax grabbed his hand back, his internal struggle evident in his eyes.This damn cowboy, always so hot and cold.“Hey,” I said, grabbing his bearded chin. “Talk to me, Grimwood.” His hand met mine gently. I could sense the hesitation lingering in the air. I’ve known this man for too long to know when something was weighing heavy on him. He could hide from the world, but he couldn’t hide from me, I saw him. “You’re right, we don’t have to talk about it,” I replied, attempting to turn from him when he grabbed me by my waist gently and pulled me back.
“The truth is, I started drinking heavily after we broke up. I couldn’t handle it. I did a lot of numbing,” he said. Tears began flooding my eyes as I tried to stay focused on his words. Jaxstood up from the cliff. Sensing his nervous energy, I let him speak. “I hurt somebody really bad, Faye. I went to prison for two years for aggravated assault charges.” Stillness took over me while I let his words seep into me, trying to make sense of it all.
“Why?” I asked in a whisper, looking at him in disbelief.
