Page 71 of I Replaced His Husband
And then, it hit. A jolt of pure fear.
I couldn’t sit still and pretend it wasn’t happening. I shot to my feet.
KAY
Waiting in the hallway didn’t feel like it dragged, honestly. I wasn’t in the mood to talk about what had just happened, and I didn’t want to leave Rain’s calming presence. Every so often, I glanced at him, still a bit in disbelief, trying to process everything. I didn’t even recognize myself in all this.
Until now, I hadn’t let myself get too deep into my feelings for him. But after what happened today, something inside me just… cracked. Pandora’s box flew open, and I got tackled with a flood of conflicting thoughts.
When I was with Maurice, some things had been so simple, so obvious, like feeling safe. He discreetly made sure I was protected, just by always being there, always watching over me. I never even had to think twice about going out late at night or walking down to the beach. He had all the safety stuff handled.
Maurice and I were practically glued at the hip. And funny enough, I never minded that. I loved being close to someone. I loved thetogetherpart. Cuddling, going on tripstogether, celebrating holidaystogether. I’ve always been ‘the relationship guy’. I was never one of those ‘Mr. Independent’ types.
Maybe I got a little spoiled?
Maybe I was like some pampered prince with his loyal bodyguard, always ready to rescue him from danger. And now I realized how much I had taken all that for granted, had gotten used to it, and had grown cocky. The thought that something as simple as walking to the lake could be dangerous? It never even crossed my mind. I didn’t develop that natural sense of caution. Maurice was my caution, my shield.
Was that a mistake? Did I mess up by leaning too much on him? Maybe if I’d been more independent, I’d have also learned to be more careful. And avoiding risky situations would’ve just come naturally to me.
That thought lingered withme for a while.
But then I remembered a conversation I had once with another model friend of mine, Jared Ferguson. He was drop-dead gorgeous, and because of that, he got way more attention than most omegas. Walking down the street, he was always getting whistled at. On public transport, he got groped more times than he could count, even on set sometimes. He used to bitterly joke that our looks were a blessing and a curse.
Cursed beauties, he called us.
He told me once that he’d been assaulted many times and eventually decided to get himself a bodyguard: a gun.
Would things have turned out much differently if I’d never had Maurice and learned to look out for myself?
Probably not.
No matter how well I protected myself, there would still be creeps. Still be danger. That was just how it was forcursed beautieslike me and Jared. All I could do was come to terms with that reality.
My thoughts shifted back to Rain. Was I clinging to him now just because I was scared, just because I needed someone new to protect me?
Was that reallyallit was?
Up until now, I’d only thought of him in terms of what he could do for me, helping with my pregnancy, easing my pain, helping me heal.
Had I just given him anotherrole?
Made him into my new protector, another tool, another Maurice? Or at least Maurice’s role?
I felt sick at the thought. I tilted my head and glanced at Rain’s profile, so classically handsome, so gorgeous. He deserved better than just being someone Iused.
Maybe it sounded ridiculous now, like some fake guilt trip after I’d basically declared up front that he was nothing more than a walking dildo, but even then… those words in my own head felt like screeching a knife over glass.
In truth, I wanted to give himhope. Because if things were flipped, I wouldn’t want to be just some convenient asset to someone else.
And I could feel it, he wanted things beyond just being helpful. It was hidden in his eyes as he looked at me. He’d been open to somethingmorefor a week now.
But it felt like everything he gave me had to squeeze through this tiny crack in my heart. My feelings for Maurice were still there, still standing in the way, like some kind of emotional dam. I wasn’t honoring Maurice’s memory, not really, but I wasn’t being fair to Rain either.
Could I change that?
What Rain told me today about his infertility, how open he was, how vulnerable and honest… meant a lot. He was willing to step up and be a father to a child that wasn’t even his. Was it Fate stepping in? Maybe I could give him something he thought he’d never have. Perhaps this was the start of something great. Potentially… we could build a family. We could build… us.
Was I starting to want ‘more’ too?
