Page 69 of Bad Wolf's Nanny
“He made it very clear that he can’t be with me,” Lola said, “and the thing is, I get it. I do. There’s a war brewing. He’s under pressure. He’s never been in a relationship; he’s terrified of messing it up. I’ve read between the lines. But knowing all of that doesn’t make it hurt less. I let myself fall for him, and now I feel like…like an idiot.”
Cassie scoffed, “Oh, no. No way. No female on earth should feel like an idiot overDanefor God’s sake. He’s the idiot. A loveable one, sure, but an idiot anyway.”
“She’s right,” Daisy agreed, with a slight edge to her voice, “though not about him being an idiot.” Cassie shrugged unapologetically, and Daisy continued, “She’s right about younotbeing one. Opening yourself up doesn’t make you stupid, Lola. It’s one of the bravest things you can do.”
Lola stared at them, her voice small. “It doesn’t feel brave.”
“It never does at the time,” Cassie said, “but trust me, it is. Loving someone like Dane isn’t easy. He’s loyal to a fault and stubborn as hell. He thinks he has to carry the world alone, and if he drops even one piece, he’s failed.”
“Sounds familiar,” Lola muttered.
Cassie smiled. “Exactly. You two are kind of alike in that way. Only you’re way smarter.”
That coaxed a watery laugh out of Lola.
Daisy reached down and brushed a bit of hair from Lola’s cheek. “When Nicolas and I first got together, I thought he didn’t feel anything. He was always so quiet and closed off. But the truth was, he felttoomuch and didn’t know how to let it out. I had to be patient with him. Give him space and still hold him accountable for hurting me. And now…well, now things are great.”
“It’s true,” Cassie said with a grin, “they’re kind of obnoxious about it, to be honest. Nicolas pretends to be all cool and aloof, but he’s absolutely whipped.”
Lola smiled faintly, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “I just wish I didn’t still want him. It would be so much easier to get over him if I didn’t still…” she stopped, eyes filling again. “He was the first person who made me feel like I belonged here. Not just with Sam, but…me. The real me. The awkward, fumbling version who doesn’t know when to shut up or how to flirt properly or when she’s being too intense about nineteenth-century correspondence journals.”
“For what it’s worth,” Cassie said, “I don’t think this was casual for him. I’ve never seen him… care about a female he’s involved with like he cares about you.”
“It’s true,” Daisy added, “and I’ve known him since we were kids.”
“But he walked away.”
“Because he’s scared,” Daisy said gently, “not because you aren’t worth staying for.”
Cassie leaned back. “Let me put it this way. When Felix and I first got together, I tried to pretend it was nothing. No feelings, no future, just fun. Then one day, I realized I was lying to myself, and he was quietly rearranging his whole damn life around me while pretending not to care. Sometimes, the big tough males are the most emotionally constipated creatures alive. And Felix is considered quite advanced in that regard.”
“You think Dane’s just…blocked?”
“Completely,” Cassie said, “like emotionally jammed. He’s scared to love someone the way he knows you deserve. But I think he already does. He’s just not ready to admit it. To himself or to you.”
Lola shook her head, “That’s the problem, though. Idoknow I deserve more than this. But I also know I’ve never wanted anything…anyone…more. It’s humiliating.”
Daisy squeezed her hand. “It’s human. Or…shifter. Whatever. You let yourself hope, and hope is never a bad thing.”
Cassie grinned, “Even if it makes you cry into endless cups of tea.”
Lola looked at the table, where the steaming cups sat, and wiped her nose. “Chamomile?”
“With honey,” Daisy said brightly.
“Oh. That changes everything.”
They all laughed, and the tightness in Lola’s chest loosened just slightly.
Cassie nudged her with her foot. “So listen, there’s a ladies’ night at the club tonight. You should come.”
Lola blinked. “What? Why?”
“Because you’re not a recluse. And it’s fun. There’ll be drinks and karaoke and pack gossip. Also, we need plenty of snacks, and those blueberry muffins you make areamazing.”
Despite herself, Lola choked on a laugh, “About that…those muffins are store-bought.”
“What?” Cassie cried, her face falling, “You…you sneaky little liar!”
