Page 79 of Bad Wolf's Nanny
“Lola—”
“No. Don’t ‘Lola’ me like you’re being reasonable. You told me we couldn’t be anything. That it was a mistake. That youdidn’t dorelationships.” Her voice cracked, but she didn’t care. “You made me feel like a fuckingidiotfor wanting you.”
“I never—”
“Bullshit!” she yelled, “You might not havesaidthose words, but I heard them. Every single time you looked at me like I was a complication. Every time you left without saying goodbye. Every time I walked into a room, and you lookedthroughme.”
He moved toward her, slow and deliberate, but she stepped back like his presence was a slap.
“I didn’t mean to make you feel like that,” he said. “You don’t know how much I—”
“I knowexactlyhow much!” she snapped. “It was written all over your face when you decided one night with me was enough to get it out of your system!”
He froze.
And then, with her voice ice-sharp, she said, “You don’t wantme. You want theideaof me now that I’m pregnant.”
Silence.
Dane stood like he’d been sucker-punched, his hands flexing uselessly at his sides, his jaw working around words he couldn’t seem to form.
She hadn’t meant to say it. Not like that. Not so cruelly. But it was out now, sharp and ugly andtruein the worst way.
He exhaled, shaky, ragged, and rubbed a hand across his jaw. His voice came quiet, a rasp, “That’s not why I’m here.”
“No?” she shot back. “Because that’s damn convenient timing, isn’t it?”
“I didn’t know how to be with you,” he said, “I didn’t know how to…want something andkeepit. I told myself it was better if I let it go, because I couldn’t handle the idea of screwing it up.”
“Congratulations,” she hissed, “you did it anyway.”
“IknowI did.”
He looked stricken, like he wanted to grab her, hold her still, shake sense into her or himself.
But she was already spiraling, emotions tearing through her chest like claws, “You broke my heart, and Iletyou. I let myself believe that maybe, justmaybe, you meant it when you looked at me like I was more than just a damn mistake.”
His mouth opened. Closed.
She laughed, sharp, ugly, shaking, “You didn’t mean it, Dane? You didn’t mean the rejection? You didn’t mean pushing me away like I was some embarrassing secret?”
“I meant—” he stopped, fists clenched. “I meant I was scared. And I didn’t know how to handle something thatreal.”
“Scared?” she echoed, “You think I wasn’t scared? You think I wasn’tterrifiedthe whole time that this was too good to be true? That I was going to get hurt? But I still let you in. I let myselffeelsomething—”
“I did too!”
“Then you should’veactedlike it!” she screamed.
Sam wailed in his cot.
Her whole body was trembling now, her chest tight with the force of it, her throat raw from yelling. “You don’t get to be the victim here. You left me alone with this. You made me feel like I wasn’tenoughfor you to stay.”
Dane stared at her like she’d ripped something out of him. But she didn’t care.
Not now.
Because she was exhausted from holding all of it in. From pretending she was fine. From hiding behind her stupid pride and dry sarcasm and acting like he hadn’truined her.
