Page 63 of Unloaded
I scrub my hand down my face. I’ve been hiding my demons for so long I’m not sure where to begin.
“Let’s go to the dining room,” I suggest. “This is gonna take a while.” We all move to file into the room. Luke slowly turns himself around and follows us inside.
All eyes are on me as I enter the room. I have to tell them; I know I do, but I don’t want to. I don’t want to see the disappointment in their eyes when they realize how badly I fucked up. How I let her die on my watch.
Dalton walks up beside me laying his hand on my shoulder in silent support. While he knows some of what I’m about to say, he doesn’t know everything.
With a heavy heart, I take a seat at the head of the table where they can all see me. Might as well get this over with. What else do I have to lose?I’ve already lost Rachel, might as well risk losing my family, too.
My brothers,both by blood and by choice, sit in silence when I’ve finished the tale of how I allowed 1Lt. Brooke Montgomery to die on my watch. I wait, fully expecting to see disgust in their eyes, or even worse, pity.
My gaze moves from one to the other, but I’m not seeing the reactions I expected. The primary expression is confusion, which makesmeconfused.What aren’t they understanding about this?
“So let me get this straight,” Dalton begins, rubbing his hand over his bald, tatted head. “You rescued the 1Lt from an insurgent compound after a member of the C.I.A. got a lead on where she was being held?”
“Yes.”
“And you kept getting ambushed while trying to get to a safe extraction point?” Bo questions. I nod because I’ve already explained this to them.
“I’m sure your team had done reconnaissance on the area and had planned for multiple contingencies and extraction points?” Dalton questions.
Again, we’ve been over this, but I humor him with agreement. “Of course.”
“What did the 1Lt say to you when she heard your team leader admit he thought someone was sabotaging the mission?” Dalton asks.
I pause, allowing my mind to drift back to that moment in time. I actively avoided consciously remembering that day, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t relived it every fucking night since.
“I couldn’t hear well with all the gunfire, but I’m pretty sure she said, ‘It’s because of me’. I tried to ask her to repeat it, but she just said, ‘It doesn’t matter. I know what I have to do.” Dalton is nodding, looking thoughtful.
“Tell me what she said when she was dying,” Kelvin demands. I stare at him in anger. I’ve worked damn hard to forget those moments.Why is he making me relive this?
“It isn’t going to change a damn thing. She’s still dead,” I say with disgust.
“Humor us,” Dalton says, softly. If looks could kill, my BFF would be pushing up daisies as we speak. I don’t want to remember her bleeding out under my hands. I don’t want to remember watching the life fade from her eyes or the last words she tried to utter.
Closing my eyes, I grip both sides of my head as the memories flood in against my will.
The oppressive heatis beating down on us. 1stLt Montgomery is standing a few feet away with my Ka-bar in her hand. “We have no fight with you SEALs. We just want the girl.”
There is no way in hell we will let them take her back. The 1stLt is standing stock still between us and them. She turns slowly to face us, no emotion on her face. I expect to see fear, anger, something, but it’s just blank.
“I won’t let them take me again,” the 1stLt calls out as she shifts the knife to her right hand and raises it to her throat. “Tell my sister I love her and not to join the service.”
“No!” I shout, “don’t do it! Please don’t hurt yourself. We will get you out of this. Trust us!” With a shake of her head, she digs the knife into her throat. A crimson spray shoots out from her neck as I run forward. Gunfire explodes all around me, but I don’t pay any attention to it. I have to get to her to stop the bleeding.
I fall to my knees at her side. A huge puddle has already formed around her. The metallic odor is so strong I can almost taste it. Nausea rises in me as I watch bloody bubbles gurgle out as she takes her final breaths.
“Fuck! Why?” I yell, trying to staunch the flow with my bare hands to no avail. My mind is trying to make sense out of heractions, but I’m having no luck in making sense of any of this. She stares up at me with wide eyes. Her lips move, forming words.
I strain to focus on the memory, blocking out the blood, the metallic smell, the gaping hole where she’d slit her own throat.
“C.I.A.”The fuck?
I look up at Dalton.Can that be right? He tilts his head in question. “I…I think she tried to say C.I.A.” Dalton nods as if that is what he thought I was going to say. “That can’t be right. It doesn’t make any sense.”
Dalton shifts in his chair. I can tell he’s about to say something I’m probably not going to like, but it’s Kelvin who speaks up before Dalton can say a word.
“It makes perfect sense.” I whip my gaze to Kelvin. “If you’re willing to believe our government would betray their own.”
