Page 23 of Abigail
The drive to the park begins in silence between them. Straw can feel Abigail’s eyes on him. Ellie is chattering away in the back seat about all the things she and the other children will be doing once they reach the park. Straw smiles to himself as listens to her. He’s never thought about having children, and even when Hawk and Charlotte began bringing little rug rats into the world, he still hadn’t been all that fond of them, but Ellie is different. Over the last ten days, he’s found he enjoys entertaining her, listening to her innocent chatter, and seeing the world from her perspective is like seeing the world again for the first time. She hasn’t seen the evil he’s seen, and so everything is new and exciting. It has given him a hope for the future he hasn’t had in a long time or maybe even ever. He wants Abigail and Ellie to be a part of his future. No, not a part of it, all of it. They are his future. With any luck, Abigail will want the same, and they’ll give Ellie some brothers and sisters for her to grow up with. Straw doesn’t care that Ellie is another man’s child. He knows he will love her as much as any child they might have in the future. Concern invades Straw’s mind at that thought. This meeting is going to change his future. He can feel it. Abigail’s ex is still alive. He might be in the brig at the moment, but he will likely get out someday. What will that mean for Straw, Abigail, and Ellie? His thoughts are interrupted when Abigail begins to speak after glancing back at Ellie. The little girl is engrossed in whatever game she’s playing in her mind.
Over the next few minutes as they navigate their way through traffic to the park, Abigail tells Straw about how she met Todd and their life together. She tells him bits and pieces of her childhood, too. As her story unfolds, Straw realizes Abigail’s had a hard life and when she tells him about the day her mother died, his heart beats erratically. He has confirmation. She is his Abi from his youth. She’s looks out her window the entire time she’s spoken as if she’s ashamed of her life, or maybe it is just easier to focus on nothing at all instead of looking at him. When she finishes her tale, she glances over at him. He glances at her to see the tears silently falling down her cheeks. He reaches over to take her hand and squeezes it gently.
“Baby.” His voice full of compassion for what’s she’s endured. “I’m so sorry you endured all of that abuse. He had no right to treat you that way. You did nothing wrong the day you fled. You were protecting yourself and Ellie. Self-defense, no question.”
“Robert,” Abigail replies with exasperation clear in her voice. “I don’t think you heard what I said. I murdered someone.” Straw isn’t sure he’s heard her correctly. She thinks that her ex, Todd is dead?
“Abigail, Todd isn’t dead,” Straw tells her. She jerks back as if he’s physically slapped her.
“Yes, he is,” she insists. “Robert he was in a huge pool of blood. He didn’t move, nothing. He’s dead, and I’m a murderer. I’m still surprised the police haven’t picked me up before now. I’m sure the admiral will eventually turn me in, but I’m hoping that he will do what’s best for Ellie and not take her mother away from her, too.
“Abigail,” Straw begins again. “Did you check for a pulse?” She shakes her head. “You were in shock after everything that happened. Hawk told me himself the admiral’s son is in the brig, and that he’s been given a dishonorable discharge from the Navy.” Abigail’s face is full of shock. Her mouth hanging open slightly as she tries to comprehend what he’s just told her. The rest of the drive passes in silence as they are both left to their own thoughts. When they pull into the parking area for the park, Straw realizes he needs to tell Abigail everything about him and their past.
“I have a confession to make.” He spares a peek at her, but he’s driving so he can’t give her his full attention. He quickly finds them a parking space and parks the vehicle. He reaches out to take her hand in his once again. She turns in her seat to look at him closer. He can see the curiosity in her expression as she waits for him to continue.
“I’m the boy who held you the day your mom died. She was trying to protect us, but she couldn’t get to us before she was shot.” Abigail’s hand begins to tremble in his grasp, reminding him even more of that day so long ago. “There’s more…I don’t want there to be any secrets between us.” Straw tells Abigail everything about seeing her on the news, feeling like he knew her from just her picture, and about how he has dreamed of her and a little girl from his past. She sits quietly, listening to his every word. “I hope you don’t think I’m a crazy stalker now. I had no idea you would be at the hotel, but the moment I laid eyes on you, I knew. I knew you were the woman from the news report from four years ago, and I felt you were the girl from my childhood. The feeling that you were my Abi from so many years ago wouldn’t go away. I haven’t told you all this before for a couple of reasons. One, I felt like I was crazy for thinking you were Abi. I mean what are the odds we would find each other again after all this time? The other reason is, we had been getting to know each other, and I really enjoy spending time with you and Ellie. The more time we’ve spent together, the more I like you, and I wanted more time with you before I told you everything. I…” He pauses and spares her a glance. Her face is uncommonly blank. A streak of fear shoots through him. If she rejects him, he isn’t sure what he’ll do. He takes a deep breath to steady his nerves. He decides to tell her his greatest fear at the moment. “I’m afraid of losing you, Abigail.” She continues to sit quietly. Her gaze has dropped to stare at their clasped hands, the tension building in the silence.
“Say, something sweet heart,” Straw begs. “I feel like I’m dying over here.” Startled she brings her eyes to meet his as if verifying his words, like she can’t believe that he would be distressed over her response. She contemplates him for several long moments and, apparently, sees what she is looking for. She gives his hand a little squeeze. He waits with bated breath for her next words.
CHAPTERTWENTY-ONE
On the ride over here, Abigail has been lost in her thoughts of Robert, Todd, and her past. Her mind had begun to drift from the moment they’d gotten in his SUV. After closing her door, Robert jogs around to the driver’s side. He slides nimbly into the driver’s seat, secures his seatbelt, and puts the vehicle into reverse. Abigail studies him as he skillfully maneuvers the oversized vehicle out onto the busy street. She briefly wonders if he’s driven Humvees or maybe even a tank during his service to their country. He’s surely seen a lot in his years of service. He’d told her he’s been in service for over fourteen years. She is amazed at how normal he seems. Todd’s time in service had made him meaner, scarier. He didn’t seem to have a care for anyone but himself. At the time, she’d attributed it to the things he’d seen and done while on deployment. However, after hearing Robert and his friends talk about their deployments, though vague on the details, but enough that she knows they too have seen and been forced to do a lot of things including killing the enemy. She’s come to understand that it was Todd’s personality that made him mean, not because he was in service.
Abigail has confessed her worst deed to Robert, and he hasn’t freaked out on her. He isn’t even shocked at what had happened. He has been understanding and relieved her fears. She’s still reeling with the knowledge that Todd’s alive. She can’t even begin to process that information. How can that be true?
Abigail’s mind is a whirl of thoughts and emotions. Robert’s words are replaying in her mind. He’s afraid of losing her? She’s afraid of losing him, too. She hadn’t wanted to fall for him. She’s tried really hard to keep her heart closed down. She hasn’t been successful. Robert has managed to break down her defenses and has worked his way under her skin. Now what is she supposed to do? Can she trust him with her heart? Abigail has fought all her life to survive. While she feels that Robert can ruin her if he eventually rejects her, she going to take a chance. This might be her only opportunity for happiness.
“Robert,” Abigail whispers her reply. Her eyes are still focused on their clasped hands. She clears her throat around the emotions clogging it. “I’m afraid of losing you, too. I know we haven’t known each other long, but I’ve felt drawn to you even when I was afraid of you.” She holds up her hand to hold off his protest that she could see coming. “Somehow, I knew you wouldn’t hurt me, but with my past being what it’s been, I was afraid that you would be the same. The more I was around you though, I could see you were different. You give me hope and allow me to dream of a better life than I’ve had up until now.”
“Abigail.” Straw’s voice thick with emotion. “If you will give me the chance, I will give you only the best. I am terrified that I won’t be the man you need, the man you deserve, but I can’t help wanting to try. Please, give me that chance. Give us a chance.”
Abigail is overwhelmed with emotion. She is about to say something she never thought she would or would ever want to for that matter. Her heart is beating out of her chest. She’s more than terrified of the future, but she knows that she has to give this a chance. She has to take the leap. “Okay, Robert.” Abigail is surprised her voice is strong and clear, considering how emotional she is feeling. “I’m not going to lie. I’m terrified of what the future holds, but I really want to see if we can have something.” A huge breath escapes from Robert, relief clearly evident on his face. He gives her a tentative smile. A voice from behind them breaks the spell they are under.
“Mommy!” Ellie calls out. “I’m ready to play. Can we get out of the car now?” The couple chuckles at the girl’s enthusiasm. She chatters away about all the fun things she wants to play when she sees the kids with Robert’s teammates. Robert reaches over and places his hand on Abigail’s cheek. He gives her the most tender look. He leans in close. Abigail licks her lips in anticipation. He looks deep into her eyes and she can read all the emotions in his depths. He inches closer and places a tender kiss on her forehead. He pulls back then and rubs her disappointed lips with his thumb.
“We better get going, sweetheart,” Robert says reluctantly. “Everyone is waiting.” He nods toward the parking lot. Her eyes follow, and she sees the admiral, Robert’s friends, and another man she doesn’t know. Fear is still there but knowing that Todd isn’t dead and she isn’t facing jail time gives her just enough courage to nod acknowledgement to head toward the group.
“Hang tight,” Robert says. “I’ll get Ellie, then come around for you.” Abigail rolls her eyes but gives him a smile of agreement. He’s just an alpha male. He slides out of the driver’s seat and is met by Tank and some of the others. Tank takes over getting Ellie out and leading her toward the group gathered just inside the park. Robert opens her door and helps her down from the vehicle. They make their way toward the adults waiting for them. The children are already headed for the playground with Tank, Virus, Hack and Lisa in tow.
Abigail faces the group. Her hand securely in Robert’s grasp. He is lending her his silent support. She studies the group as they approach. She’s come to know these people over the last couple of weeks. She’s begun to feel like they are friends. She hopes that once this is all over, they will continue to be her friend and not see her as some weak pathetic female who allowed herself to be abused for the majority of her life. She hopes they will see that she is a victor. She no longer sees herself as the victim she was for years, nor the villain she felt herself to be for the last four years. After her conversation with Robert, she’s sees herself as a survivor, and she is no longer ashamed of it.
“Abigail, thank you for agreeing to meet me,” Admiral Jenkins begins. Abigail dips her head. She just isn’t sure what to say to the man. She’s dreaded this day for so long and now that it’s here, she isn’t sure what to say or how to feel, especially after finding that Todd is alive. “You know most of these people, but I’d like to introduce you to my longtime friend, Mark Olsen.” Abigail extends her hand to shake the man’s hand. Mr. Olsen is much like the other men. He isn’t as tall as Robert. His hand very soft. She gets the impression while he keeps physically fit, he’s more of a man behind the scenes. He doesn’t have that battle hardened gaze these other men wear so proudly.
When they reach the picnic tables, most of the group walks away to give Abigail and the admiral some privacy. Robert looks at her as if to ask if she wants him to stay or go. She holds on to him tightly. There’s no way she can do this alone. She needs his support to get through this. Soon it is just Abigail, Robert, the admiral, and Olsen.
“Again, Abigail,” the admiral starts. His eyes are darting around as if he is as uncomfortable as she is with the situation. “Thank you for agreeing to meet me. I know seeing me has brought back very unpleasant memories, and for that, I apologize, but I’m not sorry I found you. I’ve been searching for years for you and Ellie. I’m so happy to find that you are both well. I was hoping you could tell me about your relationship with my son…I swear, Abigail, had I known what was happening, I would have put a stop to it. I knew Todd had problems, but I never dreamed he was mistreating you.” Abigail realizes she never confided in the man or his wife about what was happening with Todd. She worked really hard to hide her bruises and to act as normally as possible when she was around them. Todd would have made her life so much worse if she hadn’t, and that isn’t the admiral’s fault. Abigail can see the man is suffering from what he views as his short comings, and she wants to ease his conscious.
“I know, Admiral,” Abigail tries to give him a reassuring smile. “I should have said something, reached out to you, but I was afraid. I want to say first that I’m so sorry. I never meant for it to end that way,” Abigail gets lost in her memories for a moment…
Abigail meetsTodd Jenkins at a local club. He is so handsome, poised, and kind to her despite the fact he is obviously way out of her league. He is only about 5‘11”, which Abigail likes as he doesn’t overwhelm her 5’ 6” smaller frame. He is in the Navy and is about to start SEAL training. He is so confident he is going to be a SEAL and travel the globe being a badass. He says he wants her by his side as he saves the world, being a hero like his dad who is a high-ranking Naval officer. It’s the fairy tale Abigail has been dreaming of all her miserable life. She can’t believe her good luck.
Abigail should have realized something had been wrong with him from the beginning, for several reasons. The first being she is attracted to him. She isn’t good at picking men. Over the years, she has chosen men who are much like her father: controlling, verbally and physically abusive, and much too fond of alcohol. The second thing is in all her twenty-two years on this earth, she’s never had good luck. If it can go wrong, it will when Abi is involved. The third and most important thing that should have sent up red flags is he enjoys talking about killing the enemy way too much. He almost seems to enjoy having to shoot or stab someone. The worst part for her is that he insists on telling her all the details about the blood, guts, and gore of the battles he encountered while on deployment to Iraq. Little had she known that it had all been lies, something she would find out years down the road.
When he first begins sharing his gory stories, she thinks that he doesn’t think about what he is saying to a civilian and how it will affect her.
“Todd, I want to be understanding about what you’ve gone through overseas, but it makes me sick hearing all the gory details,” Abigail pleads with him. “Could you tone it down a bit. I know you need to talk about it to deal with it, but could you not be so descriptive?”
“You need to toughen up, Abigail,” Todd answers. “If you are going to be with me, you need to deal with it. No whining, I don’t want to hear it. Now, let me tell you about the time I caught one of the bastards trying to sneak up on our camp in the desert…” Todd told one of the most graphic stories he’s ever told her, causing her to actually vomit. She can still hear his laughter as she runs from the room trying to make it to the bathroom before losing her lunch.
