Page 1 of Santa Daddies
Sexy Santa Inc
By Kara Kelley
Chapter One
Emily
“What in the Christmas hell is this?” Charlotte asked, looking stunned as we walked into the hall all decked out in Bachelorette Christmas cheer.
“Hell? Lottie, you said that wrong, it’s pronouncedheaven,” my older sister Madeline said, pinning a nametag on me that readMemmy,which is what I used to call myself when I was two and couldn’t pronounce my own name. But to be fair she at least wroteMadlyon her own name tag which is what I called her back then and still occasionally do.
“I hate when she calls me Lottie…” Charlotte said, pointing at the name tag my sister had pinned on her just before me that readLottie The Hottie Brideon it, her words trailing off as she scanned the room. Several women from the bridal party walked past us excitedly, squealing in delight, but I stayed back with my brother’s fiancé.
“It just means you’ve been accepted as part of the family,” I said, shrugging at the woman who was about to marry my older brother, David.
Charlotte smiled at that until her eyes landed on something that apparently horrified her. “Are those flashing red and green string lights… penises?”
Squinting, I replied, “Looks like it,” and pointed to the Christmas tree strung with Christmas balls—literal sparkly plastic gonads, not just spherical ornaments. “And are those…" I cleared my throat, my brows going skyward. “Happy Nutsmas decorations?”
Charlotte looked at me, her eyes so wide I could see the flashing lights reflecting in them and then she burst out laughing.
“I adore your family, Emily Miller.” She bumped me with her shoulder. “But I may have made a mistake choosing your older sister as my matron of honor.”
I laughed. “Thought she’d be a little more conservative since she’s the oldest, is married, and has three kids?”
Charlotte nodded, still wide-eyed. “She seemed so… mature.”
I started laughing. “To be fair, it’s sort of tradition to be garish at these things. Madeline’s assistant booked Sexy Santa Inc here at the inn last December for a women’s college reunion. And my sister loved them. She said they were classier than your typical male exotic dancers.”
“I suppose.” She still glanced about prudently.
Suddenly the lights dimmed, and a sexy beat started up. “Prepare thyself, Charlotte, I have a very bad feeling about this.”
We both looked at each other as a dozen mostly naked men dressed as elves in skimpy green hot pants and sparkly red suspenders and bowties filtered in.
Charlotte’s cheeks turned a shade brighter than natural and by the heat I felt on mine, I was sure we matched. She was suddenly swept away from me by six elves who were preforming a dance to a bastardized rendition of Jingle Bells. They swept her up some stairs and sat her on a red velvet chair center stage.
Jingle balls, jingle balls, jingle all the way.Each time the chorus rang out, the sexy elves made thrusting movements with their hips that made their well-endowed packages swing toward Charlotte.
Madeline grabbed me, yanking me to the back hallway away from the action as poor Charlotte buried her face in her hands and the other women from the bridal party cheered and cat-called.
When Madeline finally stopped dragging me, I slammed into her with a squeal.
“What is going on with Jett? David told me you asked Charlotte to remove him from the guest list,” she said using her mom voice.
My heart dropped. I was hoping no one would bring him up. “Yeah, he’s not coming.”
“Why the hell not?” Her accusing tone ruffled my feathers, bringing back memories of my teen years.
“We broke up.”
“What do you mean you broke up?” She didn’t let me answer though, she just carried on sounding semi-hysterical. Was there such a thing as a Matron of Honor-zilla? “He’s a fucking usher.”
I cut her off. “Madly, he cheated on me, and it’s over.”
Her eyes narrowed. “He what?” She turned away, mumbling, “I’ll kill him. I’ll sauté his balls with the Christmas turkey gizzards and serve them to the dogs.” Before looking back at me, she crossed her thin arms and demanded, “What happened?”
I sighed, embarrassed because he wasn’t the first guy to cheat on me and the ‘what happened’was beginning to make me feel as if I might be the problem.
