Page 27 of The Ballad of Us
“I'm in North Georgia. A tiny mountain town that probably isn't on most maps. It's beautiful here and quiet in a serene way.”
“North Georgia?” There's surprise in his voice. “That's funny. I'm in North Georgia, too, in a rehab facility about forty minutes north of Dahlonega.”
My breath catches. “I'm near Dahlonega. We're...”
“We're probably thirty minutes apart,” he finishes, and we both go quiet, processing the strange coincidence of ending up in the same corner of the state.
“How did you end up there?” I ask because it's easier than examining what it means that we're so close.
“Andrew's choice. He said I needed somewhere that felt like a retreat, not a punishment. He was right. This place is more like a spa than a traditional rehab. They offer yoga, meditation, therapy, and excellent food. It's exactly what I needed, even though I fought him on it at first.”
“And you've been there sixty days?” I hear the hope in my own voice.
“Sixty days clean and sober. The longest stretch I've had since...” He pauses, allowing the weight of his words to settle. “Since the beginning.”
The words hang between us, loaded with regret, and perhaps even hope.
“Tell me about your town. What's it like?” He changes the subject, refocusing his attention on me.
I tell him about Emma and the coffee shop, Mountain Mornings, Mrs. Chen and the bookstore, and my apartment with its beautiful empty shelves that I'm slowly filling with stories. I discuss learning to make lattes again and how I joined a book club at the coffee shop every Thursday night. I share my simple pleasure of waking up without anxiety gnawing at my stomach.
“You're working at a coffee shop again? Like in college?” There's something like delight in his voice.
His question surprises me. “You remember that?”
“I remember everything you ever told me, Rhea. Even when I was too fucked up to show it. You loved that job. You said it was honest work, and you liked having those small interactions that brightened someone's day.”
I'm surprised that he remembers, and the warmth in his voice when he talks about my happiness is a testament to that. The Gray I lived with at the end would’ve felt threatened by my independence. That version of him would’ve made my new life about him.
“I do love it. It's exactly what I needed. It’s just simple, real, and mine.” I pause, then decide to be brave. “What about you? What does your day look like?”
He tells me about yoga and meditation, as well as reading Buddhist philosophy and participating in group therapy. He talks about the song he's writing, the one he mentioned in this morning's voicemail, and how creating music feels different when it comes from a place of healing rather than pain.
“It's about gratitude and understanding that love sometimes means letting go. That you didn't leave because you stopped loving me. You left because you loved yourself enough to stop accepting less than you deserved.” His words remind me of the first song he ever wrote for me, one he called his 'gratitude song,' back when we were younger and everything was fresh and uncomplicated. That simple melody, filled with thankfulness for the little moments we shared, plays on a loop in my mind. I realize now that gratitude is a consistent thread that’s always quietly connected us, even through the hardest times.
His words are clear, free of self-pity and lacking the manipulation that once colored every conversation about us.
Tears spring to my eyes. “That's exactly what it was.”
“I know. It took me sixty days and a lot of therapy to understand it, but I know.” He's quiet for a moment. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“Are you happy? Not just okay, not just surviving, but are you happy?”
The question stops me short. I search inside myself, surprised to realize the answer is yes. I still feel moments of sadness, loneliness, and grief for what we've lost, but beneath it all, I'm happy. My days start with excitement and end with calm. I laugh with genuine joy, not out of polite obligation. Hope feels real now.
“I am. I really am,” I say, and it comes out with surprise.
“Good. That's all I wanted, baby. That's all I ever wanted for you.” His voice is thick with emotion.
We talk about books. He's reading Thich Nhat Hanh while I'm working my way through the romance section of Mrs. Chen's store. We talk about the weather, about the mountains, about the strange parallel paths that brought us both to this corner of Georgia.
It feels close to normal, like talking to an old friend. I'd forgotten we could be at ease under all the pain. We're crawling before we can walk, I think. Like toddlers trusting new legs, wobbling but determined to keep going.
“Rhea, I hate to do this, but they cut the phones off at 9:30. It's 9:28,” Gray says eventually, a touched sadness lacing his voice.
“Oh.” The disappointment hits harder than I expected. An hour and fifteen minutes have passed like a fraction of that time. “Okay.”
