Page 29 of False Start
“We got here as fast as we could.”
“You made record time. You shouldn’t have risked speeding, though, not at the risk of hurting yourself.”
He sighs and looks away for a moment before his eyes are back on me. “Can we talk about Charity?”
“She said she…”
“I know what she said. She told me. She’s been taken care of. She’s not allowed back at our place. I don’t associate with people like her. And I really don’t want to hang with someone who is coming between me and you. She’s gone. I hope I never lay eyes on her again because for most of the day I didn’t know if you’d ever talk to me again. And I don’t like the way that feels.”
“I’m so…”
“I know you need to take things slow in the relationship department. I know you spent the last five years telling yourself you’d never be with a player, but you were letting me in. You were letting me close until Charity, and if you’re going to take you away from me, go ahead and do it now. If it hurts this bad after three weeks, I don’t want to know how fucked I’m going to be after six months or a year. Because I have deep feelings for you, Zhanna. I’m not ashamed of it, but I’m also not naive enough to think you’re there yet. If you gave us a real chance, you’d see how good we’d be together. I’d never hurt you. But if we’re going to do this, you can’t have a foot half out of the door waiting for me to fuck up so you can leave. I can’t live waiting for it to happen.”
I can see sincerity in his pale green eyes. He isn’t blowing smoke. He’s laying his heart out there, and now it’s up to me to make this right. “I’m sorry I believed her without speaking with you first.” And then I’m brutally honest with him. “You scare me.”
“I know, babe. I think it’s best if I take a step back and let you figure it out. You’ve got school and Rose on your plate, and I don’t want to crowd you.”
My phone buzzes in my pocket, and normally, I wouldn’t answer it in the middle of such an important conversation, but Grandma Rose is in the hospital. I apologize before answering it. “Hello?”
“Sweetheart,” my mom says, “they’ve decided to ventilate Grandma Rose. You may want to come back up and see her before they sedate her.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
I hang up and relay the news. “I’m sorry to end this conversation, but they’re sedating Grandma Rose soon. I need to go back up.”
“Can I walk you inside?” he asks. “You can tell me about Rose on the way up.”
“I’d like that.”
I fill him in on her worsening condition as we walk inside the hospital and then take the elevator to the third floor. As we stop outside the room, I say, “I’m sure Mom would love to see you and say hello.”
“Sure.”
He follows me inside and Grandma lights up. I can hear her call for my grandfather, even through her oxygen mask and ragged breathing. “Phillip.”
Bryant doesn’t miss a beat with her as he walks past me to the side of her bed and sits down. He takes her hand in his and places his free hand on top. “Hello, love.” I knew my grandparents loved each other, but I’ve never quite seen the current look of admiration on her face. “Are you tired?”
She nods her head.
“If you need to rest, I’ll still be here when you wake,” he says, and my soul nearly pulses with emotion.
Here this man is with my grandmother once again bringing her comfort by pretending to be her husband. And he’s promising to stay beside her while she sleeps. And I pushed him away.
Fuck.
Bryant sits on one side of my grandmother while we gather on the other side. She fades in and out over the next hour as we wait for them to process the physician’s order to sedate and ventilate her. Each time she wakes, she looks for Bryant, squeezes his hand, and smiles through her oxygen mask. Even in extreme discomfort and confusion, his presence seems to bring her the same comfort it brings me.
When the medical staff crowds in the room to start the process, my sweet Grandma Rose becomes terrified. I’ve done a good job of holding it together until I see her scared. She constantly looks to poor Bryant for comfort, and he takes it all in stride. “You’re doing a great job, Rose. Focus on me, sweetheart.”
God. I’m going to be a blubbering mess soon. My grandmother is so sick. And I scared away the perfect guy who is being really freaking perfect right now. So fucking perfect.
She pulls her mask off and struggles to breathe as she tells him, “I love you.”
And Bryant replies like the wonderful human being he is, “I love you, too.”
I turn around and fight to breathe through my tears. I need to pull myself together.
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