I leaned into her embrace. “I don’t want to talk about her.”
“Please don’t push me away, okay? Just let me in.”
“I’ve let you in so much, Isla, I don’t know how to kick you out.”
“What does that mean?”
“Nothing.” I kissed her hand, needing her in ways I’d never needed anyone.
It wasn’t just desire.
Lust.
Love?
I can’t love anyone, right? What if I’m like Melody? What if I turned into her? What if I hurt Isla?
All these questions messed with me. They played over in my head all day long, on an endless loop of what-ifs. I couldn’t hurt Isla. She wouldn’t survive it.
What if I’m made like that? What if I just take off one day? What if I can’t stay in this house?
With these memories…
I couldn’t bring her along with me, her and Kraven, not when I felt so lost, so torn, so confused. I was supposed to be the leader, but right then, I had nowhere to lead.
I surrendered, seeking refuge instead.
Almost immediately, my mind battled my heart, raging a war I never had a chance to survive. Either way you put it, I hurt someone.
Isla.
Kraven.
Myself.
For the first time in my life, I doubted everything.
Me.
Her.
Us.
“I’m just trying to be here for you,” she breathed out against my lips.
How can she be here for me when I have nothing left to give her back?
Melody took it all with her.
I smiled, rubbing my lips against her mouth. “Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?”
“You’re changing the subject, Julius.”
“Your laughter, your smile, your heart, the way you can see through my bullshit… It’s what really takes hold of me, Isla. You know me more than anyone ever has, and I need you to know that.”
“Why does this feel like you’re saying goodbye to me?”
She didn’t hesitate, kissing my lips.