Page 116 of We Are Yours
“Oh, you know… a little of this, a little of that.”
“I see.”
“Oh!” She grabbed chips off the rack. “We finally found them!”
I hated that I was doing this. I felt like I was betraying them—and, in a way, I was. Still, I was drawn to her. Maybe because I’d been living in her house and I’d gone through her things, her memories… Or perhaps it was just from being a woman too, and I could relate to her wanting to make amends and reconnect with her sons.
The list was endless of maybes. I found a maybe for everything. Feeling as if I was learning more about the boys in ways they would never be able to show me or even explain. The irony was that it was probably pushing me away from them. Their points of view were much different from mine.
It was all fucked, and I wasn’t much for swearing, but there was no better word to describe what was happening and what we were all feeling, whether they were opposite emotions or not.
It didn’t help that I found all their personal items. All their family mementos, their keepsakes, their past…
So much was left behind for someone who wasn’t eventually going to return home, making me assume she thought she’d come back at some point. Maybe time got away from her.
It wasn’t an excuse, though the truth could sometimes sound like that. I tried to see their sides, truly I did. I already felt this deep connection to her. Maybe it was from never thinking I’d have a woman figure in my life.
The way she was acting.
Begging them for forgiveness.
It was calling to me.
She was calling me.
Against my better judgment, I indulged her. Offering a little more insight into her sons’ lives for her. I did keep it to the bare minimum, not wanting to invade their privacy by providing information to a woman who didn’t deserve it. Especially when she could have been there, experiencing it with them.
She told me how she was a recovering alcoholic and addict, and how she felt like the worst mother in the world for the longest time. Spending every day since trying to make up for her past mistakes by finding some stability in her life. She’d been in recovery for a while and wanted to contact Julius and Kraven, but wasn’t ready until now.
She was persistent that everything happened for a reason, and Kraven needing her was her reason.
Their reason.
Hearing how they grew up and getting a deeper glimpse into their world and past felt intrusive, since they weren’t the ones confessing any of it to me, and they possibly never would have. It was why I was listening so intently, paying attention to every word she said.
She seemed genuine.
Honest.
Blunt.
I appreciated that.
After we finished shopping and carried the supplies into the house, I turned to her in the kitchen, stuttering, “How are you… I mean… we… going to?—”
“How about you keep him out of the house until around seven, and then everyone can scream ‘Happy birthday’ when you guys walk in, and I’ll take care of the rest. I’m so excited to make this happen for Kraven. It’s the big one-eight, and I want to make it the most special it can be.”
“Alright…”
“You know what?” She grabbed my hands. “I can see that you're nervous. How about we don’t tell them you helped me? That way, when you show up, just act shocked.”
My eyebrows pinched together. “Really?”
She squeezed my hands. “I remember when Joe and I started dating, his mother was such a bitch to me, and I promised myself I’d never be like that. You’re my girl now…” she coaxed. “This can be our little secret. The beginning of many.”
“Melody—”
“What the fuck?” Julius roared, unexpectedly walking into the kitchen with Kraven not far behind him.
