Page 22 of We Are Yours
Julius ate the first bite, confessing, “It tastes just like my mom’s.”
His voice was low, but his tone was haunting.
Instinctively, I reached for his plate, but he intercepted. Instead of letting me take away his pain, he shared it with me, one bite at a time.
I wasn’t much for affection, and being starved of it my whole life didn’t help, but at that moment, being there with him felt right. Without thinking, I stayed seated, looking in front of me, and laid my head on his shoulder.
He didn’t move.
He didn’t flinch.
Instead, he laid his head on mine too.
We stayed like that until, once again, the silence between us was comfort, not emptiness. Time stood still, holding us in place. Except the following morning, when I woke up on the couch, I didn’t expect to see the cookbook on the coffee table, left there by one of the brothers.
I asked myself… was it Julius or was it Kraven who left it there for me?
I couldn’t tell you why I thought it might have been Kraven, but it was a question I’d never be able to ask out loud.
* * *
At least not until I knew the truth without having to ask it at all.
Chapter
Nine
Kraven
My foot shifted from first to second to third, then fourth gear on an old dirt bike I stole from a junkyard last year. I finally finished fixing it up and decided to take it for a spin through the woods behind our house. I tore through the trees, racing at a rapid and unsafe speed.
All I could see were the memories attacking my mind at full throttle. I barely slept last night, still reeling from that damn cookbook.
The faint sound of a train’s horn in the distance let me know I was right on track. I began riding beside them, revving the throttle harder and faster, shifting into fifth gear, trying to push it to the limit. Pulling back the accelerator as far as it would go, I shredded onto the train tracks.
There was an endless stream of plaguing emotions clouding my mind and assaulting my body, fueling me to go faster. My vision tunneled, desperately wanting to escape the shit I was handed. If I thought things were bad before, I was wrong.
Everything changed for the worse with just her mere presence in a way I never imagined. The black cat I shared a wall with was beginning to claw at my skin, ripping into the hollow where my heart once lived.
Growling deep within my chest, I battled my feelings. Speeding quicker on the train tracks, I tried to outrun those sentiments.
Needing…
Anything…
Something…
The front tire steered side to side, navigating the rough and narrow tracks. I could feel the motor vibrating against my bones as I continued to push the engine beyond the max. Never letting up, I remained persistent and adamant about distancing myself from these reckless thoughts.
They were always overpowering my head.
Controlling my actions.
Deciding on the outcome.
I didn’t need this baggage, hating that I had to carry it like it was a badge of honor and not a steel chain I couldn’t break.
Wildlife came to life around me as if the animals knew trouble was on the horizon, making me think of Isla.
