Page 106 of We Are Yours
Trouble was his go-to card, hanging it over my head for as long as I could remember. My resentment toward his persistent demands also grew over the years. His expectations of me were ridiculous.
However, this one took the cake.
I couldn’t believe he thought I’d just bend to his will.
Kraven’s audacity knew no bounds.
He was relentless in his pursuit, determined to make whatever he believed was right happen, no matter who or what it affected. For the first time in my life, I had no idea what the outcome would be, and I hated that more than anything. I wasn’t used to not being in control, even down to breaking the law to make sure I was. This was wreaking havoc in my life.
I tried ignoring the looming feeling in the pit of my stomach and jumped into the shower instead. After I was done, I threw on a pair of gym shorts and made my way to the kitchen. Isla had finished cooking and set a plate for me at the table.
This was our thing. We always ate our meals together at the dining table, and I didn’t have the heart to let her down on this, too. I poured myself a glass of lemonade, sitting in my usual spot in front of her.
Chalk it up to emotions, or maybe it was me wanting to form a connection with her. In that second, sitting in front of her, it felt as if I were the first person she had ever experienced anything like this with. I’d expose a side to me that no one knew existed, possibly not even me.
I needed to spill what was weighing on me—not just to anyone, but to her. My body shifted around as I abruptly looked deep into her eyes, searching for something I couldn’t place. The only thing I could see was a war raging in her stare. An internal battle took place over what was right and what was wrong. It was sitting directly in front of her this whole time.
Me.
Her serious expression captivated me in a way I had never experienced before, only adding to the plaguing feelings that were destroying our relationship.
I didn’t make her wait too long, divulging, “She left a note on the fridge that said be back in ten, Isla. That was her goodbye to us. Do you have any idea how long I waited for those ten minutes? A part of me is still waiting… and I hate that more than absolutely anything. She doesn’t deserve my forgiveness. She doesn’t even deserve my thoughts. She deserves nothing from me… and even that is too much to ask. Do you understand me? Do you understand the woman you want to bring back around? Where do you think she’s going to go? Here? In this house? The one you’ve made into a home, with us?”
She didn’t move.
She was barely breathing.
Not wanting to distract herself from what I was willingly sharing.
I didn’t let up, needing to get it all out. “You’re probably questioning everything I told you and everything I didn’t, and quite honestly, I don’t blame you. It’s a lot to unpack. It’s why I didn’t tell you to begin with. But it’s my heavy load, not yours. You have enough of your own shit without having to deal with mine too.” I paused, allowing her to catch up. “I could sit here and tell you story after story of the shit she put us through, but it’d be a waste of time… Nothing is going to change where we are today because of her choices, and I refuse to give her the benefit of the doubt. Not when I spent most of our lives raising myself and her son.”
For a moment, our life seemed still. Not filled with all these complicated indecisions of the future. I never thought I’d be living a life that appeared to be someone else’s—day in and day out.
With an intense stare, I left her speechless. Her gaze spoke volumes without having to say a word as she sat there. I welcomed the way she was gazing at me although it killed me inside. At least I felt like I was getting through to her on why we didn’t need the chaos that was our mom.
Breaking our trancelike state, I asked, “Do you understand where I’m coming from?”
She nodded. “I do.”
“So she can speak,” I teased, trying to break the tension a bit. “For a second, I thought you defaulted.”
Finally, she expressed, “I was left in a dumpster when I was a baby, Julius.”
My mouth parted, my chest caving in. Hearing her say that was salt to the wound.
“I’d like to think I was kidnapped, and my parents wouldn’t do that to me. I mean, what kind of people throw away their own kid?” Fresh tears brimmed her gaze as her bottom lip trembled. “My parents aren’t monsters, right? Only pure evil could do something like that.” She swallowed hard, and a lump formed in my throat.
“Or maybe, they got high and forgot where they left me…”
“Isla—”
“I go over and over it in my head sometimes. It’s why your music means so much to me. It’s able to quiet all that noise. You have the power to calm me. You both do…”
“What am I supposed to say to that?”
“You wanted honesty, right? I’m just trying to give it to you.”
“Isla—”
