Page 1 of Girl, Undone
PROLOGUE
Two minutes to midnight, and Julia should have been home hours ago.
She walked faster when the river showed itself between the buildings.There was no particular reason to be afraid of the water, except that it was dark, and this neighborhood got worse the closer you get to it.This part of the city had never been her friend, especially now, so she crossed to the other side and took the long way.The scenic route could go to hell.
Her delay had a simple explanation, though simple didn't mean light.Group therapy had run late.Not the session itself, because that always ended at 9 PM on the dot.But after the session was when the real talking started.Julia and four others had gotten together in the church basement, and usually, such a meeting wouldn’t have been Julia’s scene at all.Julia had stayed because leaving meant going home, and home meant sitting alone with everything they'd just talked about.
Two hours had elapsed, and Julia had let them pass without hesitation.These people understood her in ways that even her own family never had.Troubles got shared, worries lifted.They always said you found friends in strange places, and Julia had never imagined finding kinship among the anonymous folks at her meetings.
The country road ahead, it seemed, had no end.She’d gotten a cab here, as she always did, and planned to walk home with one of the other members.But her walking-companion-to-be had left at the usual hour, and Julia had a strange urge to fill her lungs with winter air.Walking was one of the things on her do-more list, and what better time to begin than right now?
Julia picked up the pace because a strange fuzziness had taken up residence in her head.Could have been the coffee overdose, or this alien winter air that she rarely consumed.The further she got from the church, and the more she found herself in unfamiliar territory as the comforting veil of camaraderie began to dissolve and left her exposed to the vast emptiness of the night.The road stretched ahead in an endless corridor flanked by the impossibly high trees that rustled and spoke with the wind.She’d seen this road a million times over the years, but she’d only ever passed it via the comfort of a vehicle.The place was a lot more ominous on foot.
The heel on her boot was limp, Julia realized.She’d broken it two weeks ago and the repair hadn’t quite taken.But still, other than the looming sense of potentially getting lost, was there any need to rush?Her geographical instincts were solid, and so what if she had a sore heel in the morning?
The apartment waiting for her at the end of the journey would be empty, anyway.She’d been avoiding that word, but there it was.Empty.Her roommate worked nights and slept days, so they rarely occupied the same space at the same time.No husband.She'd tried that once, and it hadn't taken.No boyfriend.The last one had left her with a black eye and an empty liquor cabinet, and she wasn't sure which one had hurt more.No kids, either.That ship had sailed, sunk, and been salvaged for parts.
Julia stumbled over a crack in the road.She caught herself.
Tomorrow she'd wake up at six-thirty, shower, dress, eat something beige, and go to work.She'd file reports.She'd answer emails.She'd come home and eat something else beige while standing at the kitchen counter.Then she'd do it again.And again.The carousel never stopped, just kept spinning, and somewhere along the way she'd missed her chance to get off and try a different ride.
Middle-aged and single.The world had opinions about that.Her mother had opinions.Her married friends had opinions, all delivered with concern and pity in equal measure.Expectations of marriage and children and career progression haunted her like ghosts of a life unlived, and until now, Julia’s only respite had been alcohol.
It was the quickest route to self-destruction, they said.Anxiety plus alcohol was a recipe for an early grave, and for all Julia’s setbacks, she wanted to live.Indeed, she’d taken the steps to better herself.Gym, therapy, and cut out all of the abusers.A part of her felt that a vast improvement was on the horizon, and to reach it, she just needed to keep going.
A sigh left her lips, eagerly swallowed by the sudden rumble of an oncoming vehicle.It was the first car engine she’d heard since leaving the church, and its headlights lit up the street.Julia, by instinct, sought invisibility.
She slid behind a tree trunk as the vehicle came into view – a white truck, an old model.
Julia reassured herself that it was just a passerby.There were houses and buildings not far from here, she told herself.People worked night shifts.People had to get home.It wasn't anything out of the ordinary.
But as the truck inched closer, it began to slow down.
She saw the driver’s profile, but not the finer details.Only a pair of gleaming eyes were visible, darting around, scanning the road as if searching for something.
Julia pressed her back against the tree.The eyes seemed to sweep past her hiding spot, yet she felt a tingle of fear, as though they knew she was there, watching.The truck's engine idled.
Nothing threatening about it.It could be someone lost, or someone looking for an address.Could be nothing.
Julia didn't believe it for a second.
Once was a time when she’d laugh at the idea of a subconscious, or a gut instinct.It seemed absurd, because it was basically saying that the body had two brains.But in light of therapy, Julia had come to understand just how little she understood.Everyone, especially women, sensed danger in their guts before the rational brain caught up.Now, with the truck sitting idle by the side of the road, that part of her brain was screaming.
It sat there for ten seconds, fifteen seconds.She daren’t move, because even if itwassomething innocent, she almost felt bad for manifesting from the darkness and presumably terrifying the driver with her sudden presence.
Then, with a swiftness that made her jump, the truck sped away.Its tail lights receded into the darkness until they were nothing but a faint glow.
Julia breathed until her heart ascended from her stomach back to its regular position.She slowly emerged from her hiding spot and glanced around.The night had regained its quiet, but the sense of peace had been shattered.
She started walking again, faster, and pulled her jacket close.She risked a glance over her shoulder, and there the road lay black and empty.The feeling of vulnerability persisted, however.The group therapy sessions, invaluable as they were, often left her feeling like this.The unmasking of vulnerabilities sometimes opened doors to the darker corridors of her mind, and it usually took a long sleep session to come down.
Just a truck driver.Simple as that.The guy was probably as lost in his own thoughts as she was.There was a name for that, Julia remembered.Sonder.The realization that every random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own.Julia chided herself and shook off the paranoia.Vigilance was the price of safety, and the night held more secrets than it did stars.
A minute later, the end of the road finally came into view.City lights and traffic sounds.The boundary between country road and civilization, and Julia had never been more happy to see it.It felt like crossing from one world into another, and Julia allowed herself a sigh of relief.Home was near.
But just as she began to relax, just as the sense of safety started to seep into her bones, something shifted in the shadows.It happened in a blink, as though the final tree on the country road was a curtain that concealed the night's last act.
A figure springing from the darkness, and a blur of darkness hurtled towards her.Time slowed down to nothing, and Julia registered a sharp intake of breath, a rush of adrenaline, a surge of panic.There was no time to scream or process, only the primal instinct to react.
