Page 56 of Dark Bratva Christmas
I guess I have to credit him in the situation that we were both placed into. He’s hated me, and the closest he’s really come to hurting me is through pleasure in the bedroom.
And Ineedhim to show up for me.
I need him more than I’ve ever needed anyone.
“You have to be alive,” I whisper into the darkness, through my tears. “You just have to be.” I bury my face into the duvet, which is thick and feels foreign to me. I have no idea where I am, but all I can do is focus on Matysh’s face in my mind.
What would he even say to me?I conjure up the scenario, thinking of his gruff demeanor. He might be a monster, and I realize that’s completely fine in the world we live in—especially when my imagination gifts me his voice in my head, loud and clear.
Just stay alive, ogonyok(Little Flame).His voice booms through the chaos and panic threatening to drown me. I cling to his deep tone and the words that I know he’d say to me, if he were able to.
And that’s what I have to hold on to. Even as the blackness behind my lids suddenly lightens.
The lights to the room turn on remotely and I blink away the burning as they shock my pupils. I'm also acutely aware of the pounding in my head, and how painfully groggy I’m feeling at the moment.
I might be fucking delusional. And that’s exactly why my mouth still seems to keep moving despite knowing that no one gives a shit about what I think. “Hello! Let me go!” I cry out, finally sitting up. My head spins as I try to slow my racing heart. My vision is still blurry.
I squeeze my eyes shut once more and count to ten, fighting off the urge to vomit once more. Once the wave of nausea passes, I open my eyes again, this time able to work through the discomfort and adjust.
I freeze when I take a good look at the room.
I know this place.
“No,” I whisper, shaking my head as the panic starts to pulse through my core. “Please, no. This cannot be happening right now.” I shut my eyes once more, willing it away. Begging for it not to be true.
But it is. I’m back to my own version of hell.
As expected, when I open my eyes again, I see my name carved into the wall right below a poster from my childhood. I haven't been in this room since I was ten years old. And it makes me sick to think of the way I was locked in here.
Like a princess in a tower.
This is the place where I spent time being conditioned to be controlled, until my father knew that I wouldn’t disobey him. This is where I was locked away while he grieved the death of my mother for nearly a fucking decade.
I shift on the white duvet, just as the knob squeaks across the room.
The door opens, and I don't need to look to see who it is. He doesn't say anything as he steps inside and closes it, locking both of us inside this room together. I can smell his cologne from where I sit.
It makes me sick.
“Why?” I ask as I turn my head and look my father in the eye. “Why are you doing this to me? Haven’t you tortured me enough,Papa?” I feel my voice break. “You told me I’d never have to come back here. You told me—”
“You've played your part marvelously,” my father says, offering me a smile before taking a casual seat at the foot of my bed. “I am quite proud of how quickly you were able to conceive.”
Bile shoots up the back of my throat at his words. I don't understand what's happening right now. And I don't know what part I had to play in any of this, but I didn't want it.
“Tell me what the hell is going on right now,” I croak out, on the verge of tears that quickly dried once the lights came on. “Where's Matysh? Why would he discard me like this? Did you hurt him? Did you make him do this?”
He takes a deep breath and doesn't answer, running a hand down the thigh of his black slacks. “This was for the best…”
“This cannot be happening.”
“You were just a method of an heir,” my father reaches out to pat my leg, and I quickly jerk myself from him.
“Don’t fuckingtouchme,” I seethe at him.
He gives me an annoyed look—one that reeks of the past relationship we had. “If you had been a boy, Catarina, I wouldn’t be in this predicament, but unfortunately, your mother was only able to bear one. You. And I have to deal with the cards I was dealt.”
My heart sinks, but where I expect to feel sadness, I just feel rage.
