Page 38 of Bullet
“I’m not,” I started slowly, “in the business of begging, but I’d be willing to get pretty close to fix this. I shouldn’t have disappeared again. I told you that I wouldn’t and then I did anyway, but I’m just scared. Between my dad dying and taking care of my godfather, I just haven’t dated a whole lot or really had many relationships of any kind. I have my best friend Laura, but literally, she just yelled at me in the coffee shop because she’s been trying to contact me for a few weeks and hasn’t heard from me.” I let out a forced chuckle. “So, if it makes you feel any better, you aren’t theonlyone being ghosted.” Harry’s expression didn’t change, but I could tell he was legitimately listening to me, so I continued. “When I saw you on your bike, all of a sudden I realized, ‘Oh shit, I really like this guy,’ and I panicked. I’m sorry.”
“I’m not unsympathetic, Celia, but I’ve heard that before. It’s like I said, I don’t think it’s meant to be. I assume, at some point in your life, you’ll meet someone that just changes all that commitment stuff for you and you’ll want to look past everything else to make it work with them. Or maybe you won’t and that’s fine, too. Either way, I don’t think I’m that guy.”
“You are though,” I yelped, and I hated how desperate I sounded. It was a gut reaction. What Harry was describing, and what Laura said about not running from something that felt good, thatwasthe way I felt. “You’re that guy, that’s why I’m here. I’ve never gone back to a guy before. Usually, I ghost and then I’m gone, but then I go home and lie in bed at night and I’m angry at myself for messing it up with you. Harry, I mean it, I… want to be with you.”
“Not just in a friendly, just-dating-for-fun kind of way?” Harry asked. “Not in a ghosting-me-again-in-a-week kind of way?”
“No,” I said. “I want to do this. I told Avery that this isn’t a game, and it isn’t. I just need a little more patience than the average bear. I’m sorry. Iamtrying.”
Harry didn’t respond right away. He just looked me up and down with gears turning. Behind him, Jingle slunk out of the shadows of the house and sat staring up at me. Harry looked down at him and then back up at me, and then finally reached out and took the coffee. He stepped to the side so that I could enter, and I smiled as I walked past him, feeling like I’d won, but not for the right reason.
All it took was being invited back in, and I was already off track.
Chapter Fourteen
Bullet
I hated to admit it, but every time I sent Celia a text message or called her and she didn’t answer, I thought it was happening again. Just a few minutes could have me panicking into thinking I was getting ghosted again, and then the sense of relief I felt when shewouldrespond was hefty. Still, I knew I couldn’t becomethatguy, and with each additional day that passed without her disappearing, my confidence was growing. It’d been about two months since we started dating yet again, and apart from work hours, our communication had been normal and reassuring.
However, Celia’s fear of commitment was starting to show itself in other ways. She still very rarely stayed the night, she didn’t talk a whole lot about her past apart from what I already knew, and she’d never invited me up to her apartment. I didn’t know if that was a fear of wanting me to be her roommate or just trying to keep me at a distance again, but it made me nervous.
But I liked Celia. A lot.
The more we saw each other, and the more time we spent together, the more I was beginning to feel like I could be falling for her. It wasn’t just the things we had in common, but it was also the things we didn’t. She wasn’t afraid to call me on my shit when I got in a very introverted and isolated mood, and she did a good job of coaxing me out of my shell. I didn’t want to push too hard given that she’d already told me about her hangups and insecurities, and I wasn’t the kind of guy to pressure someone, but I couldn’t shake the odd feeling that I was investing more time into this relationship than I was going to get out of it.
I smiled at the good morning text I got from her just before getting to the Taphouse for the morning. It was just a simple, “Looking forward to our date tomorrow. Hopefully you like thrills, good lookin’,”but it was enough to have me smiling from ear to ear. Yeah, I was falling for her for sure, I just wish I knew more about how to have the kind of conversations that would provide clarity.
“That’s a happy smile,” Avery said as I walked into the Taphouse. I looked at my phone, confused. Had I gotten to work later than I thought? Seth had been getting there earlier than me lately, but Avery didn’t believe in times earlier than eleven AM. “Things must still be going well with Celia then?”
“Have you been replaced by a body snatcher?” I asked. “Why are you here so early?”
“No reason,” Avery said, but almost as if she was summoned by our musings, the Taphouse door opened behind me, and Seneca came walking in. Avery sat up a little and smiled. “Hey. Good morning.”
“Good morning,” Seneca said with a sweet smile. “Squared back there?”
“Yep! Head on back,” Avery replied.
“Thanks.” Seneca walked around the bar and through the swinging door toward the warehouse.
I looked back at Avery with an eyebrow raised. “So, you came early to see her?”
Avery shook his head. “No. It was just a coincidence.”
“Sure.” I sat down at the table across from him. “Well, since she’s here, maybe you can help me with something. Do you think you could convince her to go out to coffee with me? Maybe even today?”
Despite his insistence that he wasn’t at the bar so early to see her, Avery crossed his arms and furrowed his brow. “Uh. What about Celia?”
“First of all, you’re not very good at hiding your true feelings, second of all, I don’t want to go out with her romantically. I actually was hoping to talk to her about Celia. It’s hard to get a beat on her and I thought maybe Seneca’s perspective would help. She helped before, though unintentionally. I want to just talk to her.”
“Oh,” Avery said. “Okay. Yeah, I can ask for you.”
“Thanks. I still don’t think she likes me very much, but you two seem close.”
That brought a smile to Avery’s face. “I guess. Maybe.”
We held a light conversation for about twenty minutes and then Avery stood up and walked back into the warehouse. I waited for an additional ten-ish minutes, texting Celia on my phone and researching the theme park we were planning on going to tomorrow, and then eventually, the door behind the bar swung open again. Seneca walked out and locked eyes with me immediately.
She seemed a little uncomfortable, but still walked up to me. “Uh, Avery said you maybe wanted to get coffee and chat?”
