Page 37 of Bullet
“Hi.” I held up my finger and quickly placed the order for a couple of lattés and then went and sat down across from Laura while I waited. “How are you?”
“Good. I haven’t heard from you in weeks though. I thought you were going through another one of your moody phases. Did you break up with Harry or something?” she asked.
“Uh… Kind of. I ran for the hills and now he won’t talk to me. Hoping the coffee will help smooth that over.”
“Damn commitment-phobe,” she growled.
“I am not,” I said. “It’s just… It’s complicated.”
“It doesn’t have to be. How do you feel?”
It wasn’t that easy. I knew how I felt, but I also knew that I had no business developing feelings for Harry when he was the man that killed my father. Between the pressure from Darrien and my desire to do the right thing, I didn’t knowhowto describe what I was feeling.
“I like him,” I said. “He scares me.”
“He scares youbecauseyou like him,” she replied. “Don’t overthink it. Don’t try and figure out what’s going to come next, just live in the moment. We’re all still young and have time to let the pieces fall into place, but if it feels good, don’t run from that.”
“Yeah.”
“I realize you’re a control freak and that’s not easy for you though, but try your hardest,” she joked.
“Celia?” the barista called out.
I stood up and collected the lattes I ordered and then swung back by Laura’s table for a brief moment just to say goodbye. I kissed her on the cheek, and she smiled up at me. “Be breezy, girl, and stop ignoring me, because if you do, I’m gonna hurt you.”
A chuckle escaped my lips, the first real one I’d had in a while. “Got it. See ya.”
“Good luck!”
With the coffees in hand, and Laura’s advice in my mind, I got back in my car and made my way to Harry’s. Laura was right, and even though she didn’t mean it to, the advice was going to help me trick Harry successfully this time. No overthinking it. Just taking it day by day. That was my road to victory.
Harry’s bike was parked out in front of his house, so I put my car in park and made my way up to the door with the coffees in hand. Using my elbow to ring the doorbell, I took a deep breath and tried to ignore the way my heart was racing with anticipation at seeing Harry again.
“Coming!” Harry called, and his gruff voice sent a wave of goosebumps rushing over me. The door opened and my heart jumped.
I forgot to remind myself how good-looking he was.
“Hi,” I said, pouring as much guilt into my voice as I could.
Harry leaned against the frame of his door. “Hey.”
Surprisingly, he didn’t seem angry like I expected, though his apathy wasn’t much more inspiring. “How are you?” I asked.
“Pretty good. Things are going well in the new position. You?”
I was awkwardly standing there with both coffees in hand. “Good. I suppose my presentation of coffee first thing in the morning is pretty obvious that I’m here to apologize.”
Harry shook his head. “You don’t have to apologize.”
“I… I don’t?”
“No. You told me upfront, well mostly upfront, that you struggle with serious things and that deep emotions scare you. When you ghosted, I wasn’t all that shocked. Hurt, but not shocked,” he explained honestly.
“Oh.” I couldn’t tell ifthisresponse was better or worse, but instead of thinking about it, I just extended one of the coffees. “A latté as a peace offering? Maybe I could come in and we can catch up.”
Harry made no attempt to grab the cup. “I understand the position you’re in, but I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he replied. “I think we’re just in different places. I’m not necessarily looking to get married and have kids right away or anything, but just like you were honest with me, I was honest with you. I don’t want to just date for the sake of it and not know if and when you’re gonna hit the bricks. I’m not angry, I just don’t think we’re meant to be.”
It hurt to hear. I was the one toying with him, but it felt like he was breaking up with me. The thought of never seeing Harry again didn’t sit well with me and not for the reasons it should. It wasn’t a fear that I was going to miss out on my final opportunity to carry out my plan, it was a fear that I was going to lose him.
