Page 30 of Fearless
We’re both fully clothed, having been so exhausted that neither one of us had the energy to change into sleep attire, but that doesn’t make his disheveled state any less appealing to me at the moment. I reach out and stroke his arm, but he stands up just out of my reach. Clearing his throat, he says, “I’ll put on some coffee.”
I grab some clothes and take a quick shower, pulling my hair into a topknot so that it doesn’t get wet. I let the warm water flow over my shoulders until most of the tension has been released. I debate whether or not I should come clean—no pun intended—about my feelings for him since he’s hinted that he has feelings for me. Yet, I’m afraid to tell him what’s in my heart because “feelings” cover a broad range of emotions. For all I know, he could simply mean he cares for me in a familial way, even if some of his actions contradict the notion.
I do something I rarely do and go makeup-free today. I don’t have the mental capacity to hide behind a mask, even if it’s just a little concealer to cover the bags beneath my eyes. Maybe there’s even a little symbology in the gesture, considering I may very well end up baring my soul.
I whisper to my reflection, “What you see is what you get.”
When I walk into the living room, Roger hands me a mug of coffee with a splash of cream and devoid of sugar. I take it from him and let him know the bathroom is available. He jumps on the opportunity to freshen up, returning less than ten minutes later decked out in cargo shorts and a black Ramones band T-shirt. It’s a stark contrast to his usual attire of khaki pants and polo shirts. Roger also looks fantastic in a well-tailored suit, but he’s quite sexy in the more relaxed clothing he’s currently sporting.
“Rockin’ the band tee, I see,” I say, smiling over the coffee mug I’m sipping on.
He glances down at the shirt he put on as if not even realizing what article of clothing he retrieved from his suitcase. “I’ve had this old thing longer than you’ve been alive. It’s my favorite T-shirt from the first concert I ever attended.”
I set down my mug and run the tip of my finger over the soft, well-worn fabric. “It looks good on you. Then again, everything looks good on you.” I cup his cheek, using my thumb to stroke his skin. “Including the stubble.”
Roger has always preferred to be clean-shaven, so the facial hair is a departure from his norm. He gently grabs my wrist to stop the movement and closes his eyes. “Harper, you don’t know what your touch does to me. It’s stirring up emotions that are best left buried because once that genie is out of the bottle, there’s no putting it back.”
He hasn’t pulled my hand away from his face, so I place my free hand over his heart and rub it in circles. “And what if I want my one wishto come true?”
“And what would that wish be,” he asks huskily, opening his eyes so that his silver orbs meet my warm brown ones.
“You, Roger. I’ve always wanted you.”
Chapter sixteen
Roger
Harper’s statement rings like music to my ears, but I’m hesitant to take them at face value. I want to ensure that neither one of us is allowing the tense situation to fuel our actions, and being forced to share a living space doesn’t give a person a whole lot of breathing room to make a rational decision.
I take a step away from the soft touch of her palm against my cheek, watching her face fall as fast as her hands drop down to her side. Not wanting to give her the wrong impression of disinterest—because I’m far from disinterested—I entwine my fingers with hers and lead her over to the sofa. “I think we should talk.”
She gives me a hesitant smile. “That’s not exactly the words a woman wants to hear, Roger. When a woman says she’s always wanted you, that’s your cue to sweep her off her feet and dazzle her with your lips.”
That’s exactly what I want to do, but relationships aren’t a “whim” for me. It’s one of the reasons I haven’t been in onefor almost a decade, that, and I’ve been harboring an attraction toward Harper since I saw her at her college graduation seven years ago. I allowed myself one kiss at our mock wedding, but even then, I felt like I was overstepping my bounds.
“I would love nothing more than to kiss you right now, and it’s nice to know that it would be welcome. But first, I need to know what you meant when you said you’ve ‘always’ wanted me. How long is ‘always?’”
Harper sucks her lower lip through her teeth, mulling over how much to tell me. Instead of staying beside her, I move to the coffee table so that we can be face-to-face. “Why are you making me say it?” she asks, staring at the floor instead of at me. “You’ve known that I’ve been in love with you for years. My mom told you as much at my graduation.”
Years?“I’m sorry, Harper, but Eloise never said anything of the kind. Your declaration is news to me.” Harper turns her head, and her cheeks turn red in embarrassment, which is the last thing I want for her. I lift her chin and wait for her to look up at me through her long lashes. “Just because this is the first I’ve heard of your feelings does not mean that is unwelcome news, Angel. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
“My mom whispered something to you at my graduation shortly after I walked away from you and Bethany. Based on the blush on your cheeks and your downturned mouth, I assumed that she told you that I joined the FBI because of the feelings I had for you.Andbecause I wanted you to notice me in adifferentway,” she says just above a whisper. “Although I never told my mom how I felt about you, I suspect she’s always known.”
I shake my head, remembering every word from that dayand the moment Harper walked away. “I had no idea. Eloise merely confirmed that you had worked hard so that you could join the team. I was truly disappointed that you gave up your dream of dancing to pursue the endeavor. It broke my heart, and that was why I was frowning. Your mom never mentioned anything about you having feelings for me. But if you wanted me to notice you, you succeeded. That was the day I saw you as an independent woman for the first time and not my best friend’s daughter.”
Harper’s eyes widen, and her mouth forms a small “O.” Her eyelids flutter closed. “Why didn’t you ever say anything?”
“Your parents never would have approved of a relationship between the two of us. I’m practically family, and they would have viewed it as a betrayal. They would have seen it as me taking advantage of a young woman who still had her whole life ahead of her. They still would, which is why I’ve been hesitant to say anything to you at all. However, I promised I wouldn’t lie to you, and I no longer want to hide from you. You’re beautiful inside and out, Harper. Any man would be blessed to have you at his side.”
Harper stands up and moves my arms so that she can sit on my lap. My hands instinctually band around her waist to keep her balanced on my leg and to prevent her from leaving. She wraps her arms around my neck and smiles shyly. “Is that where you want me? By your side?”
“If that’s where you want to be. I’m not as young as Zurkowski or…”
Harper puts a finger to my lips to shush me. “Zurkowski was an attempt to move beyond my feelings for you, Roger. He wasa distraction and nothing more. He’s a nice guy, but he isn’t you. I know that you struggle with the age gap, but the years between us don’t matter to me. They never have. I’m attracted to a man who always puts others before himself and loves God with all his heart. I’m drawn to the kind and caring man who took time out of his schedule to sit in the front row and cheer me on. I’m head over heels for a man who wouldn’t think twice about laying down his life for his friends, which is the greatest love of all.”
I smile. “You’re referring to John 15:13 from the King James Bible, ‘Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.’ It’s one of my favorite verses.”
She dips her chin. “Mine too. It’s on a plaque in my father’s office and one of the first verses I ever memorized.” Her eyes sparkle, but there’s still an emptiness that hints that a piece of her heart is missing and a sadness that lurks in the depths.
