Page 63 of The Holidays with Dr. Mitchell
“Go ahead, baby,” my wife offered with a mischievous grin. “I’m sure there’s no way you could ruin Christmas after everything you guys have done to make it the perfect holiday.”
“I’ll say it,” Collin said. “Jim and Spence were bitching that they would have to decorate a Christmas tree after their prissy little fingernails got dirty while cutting down the tree we searched far and wide to find.”
“Exactly,” I said, mildly thrown off because I could tell my wife saw through my bullshit, “and so, as a peace offering and a Christmas Eve gift, we decided to let them off the hook.”
“Jim was going on and on, and Spencer was whining just the same,” Collin continued. “And Jake and I said it was a sorry way to take away from all of the Christmas cheer we’d created for everyone, but we told them we’d let Jim hire tree decorators so?—”
“So, I could spend the evening with my beautiful wife and daughters,” Jim interrupted Collin.
“You’re the best man ever,” Avery said, caressing Jim’s face and kissing his lips. “Thank you for thinking about us like that.”
Collin and I eyed each other, watching Jim get off the hook without trying. For some reason, Laney and Ash’s reproachful stares told me we wouldn’t be so lucky.
“I still don’t understand why we needed to hire anyone to decorate the Christmas tree?” Nat pressed. “It would’ve been fine without the additional decorations, and we already have decorated trees in every room of this house, including the kitchen.”
“On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…” Collin busted into song.
“A partridge in a pear tree,” I added.
“Nice soprano, buddy,” Collin said, raising his glass in the hope that his sudden outburst of song would derail the questioning women.
I raised my glass in response. “Thanks, man. I learned from the best, you.”
“All right, I’mcompletely donewith the Christmas singing of it all,” Ash said in annoyance. “If one of you doesn’t tell us thetruthabout what happened tonight, all of youwill be singing about your Blue Christmas in another place.”
“Ash, it’s all part of the?—”
“Oh, no, it isn’t,” Laney gave herself away with a giggle. “Tell us what happened and who broke the sleigh,” she looked at Collin.
“Not me,” he held both hands up. “It was John,” he pointed at my innocent son hanging ornaments with the other children.
“John?” Jim said with a laugh.
“You’re blamingJohnbecause youand Jakey thought bringing a sleigh over unpacked snow would be a good idea, causing its runner to break?” Spencer added.
I narrowed my eyes at the scene unfolding, knowing that this joke was about to be on Collin and me if we didn’t find some way out of this.
“You know something?” I said, smiling, standing, and walking to where my wife sat with a questioning expression on the sofa. “We’re merely trying not to look like a bunch of dipshits for nearly screwing up Christmas.”
“So, you lied and blamed an innocent child when the truth came out?” Nat said with a laugh.
“That’s why I’m ending all this here and now. I admit that Collin and I weren’t fully aware we could damage the sleigh by bringing it off the packed road and through the forest,” I said.
“I can’t tell you how much of a relief it is not to hear a Christmas carol from you whilst admitting that,” Nat said with a laugh, comfortably sitting on her husband’s lap in an oversized chair.
“Well, it’s because the payback is over. Now, we can get back to our old ways of spending the holidays,” Collin said. “You know, boring and unmotivated for Christmas pleasantries.”
“As long as there’s no more singing,” Spencer added.
“Yeah, okay. It’s over. Merry Christmas Eve, everyone,” I said, knowing that even though it came to a bumpy end, the women had loved our way of bringing in holiday-themed activities based on Christmas tunes…at least, that’s what I hoped. Being insufferably cheesy with the songs for a week certainly wasn’t easy.
“No,” Jim said. “It’s not over yet.”
I held my hands up. “It’s been exhausting, but now, everyone can return to their seasonal Christmas festivities the good old-fashioned way, by drinking eggnog, watching television, and opening a present on Christmas Eve.”
“We’ll put the kids to bed,” Collin said, leading everyone down a depressed and boring road just to get them all to admit that this was the best Christmas holiday they’d ever spent with friends and family. “Then we can enjoy a little Christmas cheer while everyone delights in opening gifts tomorrow and pigging out on food so badly that we all go into food comas for the rest of the day.”
I smiled, seeing the expressions on everyone’s faces starting to change, “And you all get Christmas back the way you’re used to it.”
