Page 36 of The Holidays with Dr. Mitchell
“This whole trip is ruining everything,” I admitted. “It’s hard enough to get into the Christmas Spirit during a normal holiday season, and this shit, which we’re barely surviving, is making the holidays seem nonexistent.”
“I’d give anything to see a goddamn mall Santa and a fake North Pole just to get some festiveness in our systems,” Collin chuckled.
“No shit,” I answered as we approached the tent that led to where they fed us grass for food. “Wehaveto get the fuck out of here tonight. Then, after we get to the ladies, we get our asses to the airport. That’s when I’ll call Jim and tell that bastard to get us the fuck off this island. His stupid ass better have a fantastic explanation about this place. I swear, if he and the guys set this up, knowing what was in store for us?”
Collin smiled, “Oh, the payback we bestow on those miserable fuckers will befarworse than anything you and I have experienced.”
“Let’s just stay focused on one thing at a time. We’ll question those bastards about this trip, which they were all a littletoo excitedto send us on, after we get back home. For now, we plan to get back to Laney and Ash.”
Gustoff and everyone could kiss our asses. Fire chants or no fire chants, tonight we were breaking out of thisIsland Escape Roomand going home to our families. I learned enough in my short time away from Ash that all I wanted was her. I wanted to see her smile, to feel her wake up in my arms, and to hold her longer in bed because I knew if we got up, it would take all day to get her back in my arms again. The tiny things I’d taken for granted were things I’d give anything for now, and it took this ridiculous trip to prove it to me.
CHAPTER 19
Jake
Everyone sat in the sand around a small bonfire, watching as Gustoff sang and hopped around it in some bizarre version of a fire dance. I’d never actually seenanyone do a fire dance, but whatever I had imagined it would look like didn’t come close to what I’d witnessed here tonight.
“Gentlemen! Gentlemen!” Gustoff said. I would bet my life the dude was stoned. “Bring your inner children forth and allow the boy in you to be set free,” he sang.
“Dude’s fucken drunk,” Collin leaned over and told me. “We should slip out now. He’d probably never notice.”
“I figured bro was wasted when he bent over and started singing with his ass cheeks like Ace Ventura,” I chuckled at the recollection because, after all the shit we’d gone through with ourproper spiritual meditations,Gus bending over and singing with his butt cheeks almost made the whole trip worth it.
“It’s a bummer this had to happen tonight,” Collin said, looking around at the rest of the husbands in the group whowere still taking this seriously. “I think I’m starting to like the guy after this.”
“Husbands and wives, wives and husbands,” Gus said as if he were about to declare our freedom. “You’ve all joined the cause in furthering the betterment of your wives,” his eyes widened as he looked directly at Collin and me, “for yourlives,” he said, belting out a laugh, “yet how can any of this be meaningful?”
“What the hell is he on, ayahuasca?” I said to Collin.
“Hell if I know. All I know is that I need some of that,” Collin answered humorously.
“Collin!” he pointed to my best friend. “Stand, my good man. Stand and declare your love for Christmas!”
“What the fuck?” I said, laughing at this man’s ridiculousness.
“Declare my love for my wife, you mean?” Collin answered. “Because trust me, my good, inebriated native, she is worth more than a holiday to me.”
“Ah,” Gus answered. “This is true!”
He giggled, and that’s when Collin’s mischievous grin appeared. For the first time since we’d been subjected to this torture, my partner-in-crime reemerged, and a sense of revitalization coursed through my veins. We could have a lot of fun with this guy since he was dumb enough to get fucked up.
“And how about you, Gus?” Collin said, all sense of faking it from the last three days vanishing into the salty air. “Are you married?”
“Married? Me?” Gus looked at me. “Dr. Mitchell, stand! Arise, good doctor!”
“Gus—”
“You joined us to bring back the love in your marriage. Is this true?”
“The love never left, my man,” I smiled confidently, knowing that was true.
“Then why are you here?” Gus asked, his expression showing that he probably had forgotten what we were discussing.
“He came here to fuck his wife,” Collin said, enjoying Gus being drunk too much. “In fact, that’s why we’re all here.”
“You all came here to fuck my wife?” I teased Collin’s unfortunate turn of phrase. “If I’d have known that?—”
“What? No, stupid,” Collin said, thrown off his game after he realized how his words came out. “I meant my wife. Not everyone—Goddammit, everyone came to fuck their own individual wives, okay?”
