Page 31 of The Holidays with Dr. Mitchell
“Betraying a brother?” Gustoff said, seeing straight through Collin’s bullshit.
“No,” Collin said.
“Bullshit,” I answered. “You’re kissing ass to save your own because you know they’re getting ready to hand me mine.”
“Please rise and join your friend, Dr. Brooks,” Gus said, making me borderline terrified about what would happen next.
“I’m good,” Collin said. “In fact, I’m like you. I don’t need the titles and whatnot like you were saying earlier. I would rather you keep me on your level and refer to me by my first name. Call me Collin. My patients and staff at the hospital refer to me as a doctor, as if I am above them, but there is no need for you to doso. We are all on the same level out here in this astounding yoga and meditation clinic.”
“It’s an intimacy retreat, Collin,” Gustoff corrected my kiss-ass best friend, and I couldn’t help but laugh at Collin’s sleazy treachery, selling me out so that he didn’t have to shit in a hole again. “And being a doctor is a noteworthy profession. Have you saved lives in your work?”
“I have, sir—I mean Gus. I mean Gustoff,” he said, pulling himself together.
“This is a wonderful service to mankind and humanity; would you say so?”
“Absolutely,” Collin answered, probably believing that Gus wasn’t about to nail him in some unexpected way.
I didn’t jump to his defense, even though I knew this was headed for disaster; his Judas act had earned him whatever was to come.
“Then why would you not seek acknowledgment for this? Why would you dare make so little of something so remarkable?”
“Well, I think it’s because my ego has died,” Collin said, giving his lying ass away.
“Your ego has died?” Gustoff said.
“Yeah. It happened last night while contemplating death during theApana VayuI experienced. And because of that, I seek no recognition or status in this world,” he drew his hands out as if he were in some meditative class and waved them from hip to hip like he was creating a rainbow, “I am merely an average person like everyone amongst me.”
“An average person, you say?”
“Yes,” Collin answered.
“So, if you see yourself as an average person who has saved lives, do you consider those lives average as well?”
“Huh?” Collin answered.
“It is a simple question for an average mind like the one you claim to have, Collin,” Gustoff said.
“Well, their lives weren’t average. They were important, and those people mean something more to those who know and love them.”
“But you insult them all by telling me they trusted an average man like yourself to save their lives,” Gustoff said.
“No. Wait, what?”
“You just referred to yourself as an average person. Did you not?”
“Yeah, but that’s not what I meant. I didn’t mean to insult my patients or their families by saying they were average for choosing me as their doctor.”
“That’s exactly what you just declared,” Gus answered.
“Quit while you’re ahead, guy,” I advised Collin.
“Well, I see them as the bright lights,” Collin kept trying to dig himself out of this hole. “They did their research on me as their physician and trusted me to be their servant in saving their lives.”
“You feel you were their servant. That is a blessed way to think for a seasoned doctor,” Gus said.
Collin sighed in relief. “Thank you, and it’s truly how I feel,” he said, looking at every man who was staring at these two clowns.
“Do you charge money for your services, or should I sayservitude?”
