Page 114 of Sycopation
“Zav? You okay?” Ray’s voice was so clear. Full of wonder and worry, too.
Reasonable question. Zavier toyed with the answer, the edge of sleep making his emotions—and everything else—sluggish. “I am now, yeah.” All the tension was gone, whether from being asleep or having screwed his head back on, he wasn’t sure. “What about you?”
A laugh. “I’m fine. I miss you, but I’m fine.”
“I miss you, too.” Because he did, but the phrase—even in his own voice—made him groan. “I think that’s the single sappiest thing I’ve ever uttered in mylife. Please don’t take it the wrong way.”
A long pause from the other end, then a whisper of words. “You’re allowed to miss your friends, you know.”
The little bit of hurt woven into Ray’s voice tugged at Zavier’s conscience. “I do know. And I do mean it. I just wonder how many people actually do, you know? Or if it’s just one of thosethings people say.” He rubbed his face. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I just woke up. I’m...more jumbled than normal.”
“You’reneverjumbled. It’s interesting to hear you like this.” There was that little twist of amusement on the other end. “Keep going. I wanna hear more.”
He could almost see Ray’s smirk. “If you were here, I’d turn you over my knee for that tone.”
The response became far more grave and deep. “If you were here, I’d gladly take the beating and love every second of it. But you’renothere, Zav.” An exhale. “There’s so much I want to tell you.”
Heat in his blood, both at spanking Ray and listening to him. Seeing him. “I’m coming home, Ray. Tomorrow.”
There was a crinkle on the other end. “Never doubted. I figured you needed space and you said you weren’t leaving. You’ve never lied to me.”
It was so damn good to be connected again. Hehadmissed Ray, more than he wanted to ever say. Hispartner. Zavier’s body sang with warmth. “Tell me about your day.”
“You mean the part after I freaked out because you weren’t here?”
“I’m betting you’re exaggerating about freaking out. You’re incapable of that before your first cup of coffee.”
A cough and a laugh. “Okay, yeah, might be stretching the freak-out part. I was worried, but fine, once Mish said you’d left a note and—never mind.”
That was interesting. “She saidwhat, Ray?”
“She said that you love me.”
Oh. The coolness of the shitty hotel room settled down over Zavier.
Ray babbled through the phone, his pitch higher, and breathless. “But that’s not right, is it? You don’t love me, not like hearts and flowers love and?—”
“Ray, stop.” Ray was getting perilously close to explaining aromanticism, and Zavierreallydidn’t need that right now. “I do care deeply for you.”
“That’s what I told her. She said there’s all kinds of love.”
God, he really did wish he were next to Ray, who was undoubtedly a nice shade of embarrassed-as-all-fuck, and Zavier could so play with that. But who knew how many miles and hours of driving separated them? “There are all kinds of love, yes. But I have a very difficult time with the wordlovebecause it’s been soaked by society with so many things I don’t understand or feel.”
“I know. I?—”
“Shush. Please.” Silence on the other end. Good. “I drove out here to wherever the hell I am because I needed time in my head. I’ve had that, I’ve figured my shit out, and I’m coming back. But it’s too fucking much right now to explain over the phone.” His voice cracked a little, which he hated.
“Okay.” Ray was breathless.
“You know I care, Ray. We’re incredibly tangled up in each other’s lives, and I don’t want that to end.”
Ray gave a little bark of a laugh. “Can I say something now?”
Maybe there was a touch of heat rising to Zavier’s cheeks at the Ray’s rueful voice. “Sure.”
“I’m not worried. You said to call when I was ready. Well, I’m ready.”
He had scrawled that onto his note. “What are you ready for?”
