Page 54 of Syncopation
“Fries or coleslaw?”
He ended up choosing the coleslaw. When the waitress left, he played with the condensation on his water glass and didn’t look at Mish. “I still don’t think Zavier likes me.”
Mish burst out laughing and didn’t stop until she washiccupping. It wasn’t until after she took a long drink of water to quell those that she spoke. “Oh, hon. Not even you arethatunobservant.”
He must have been beet red because the ice water he swallowed did nothing to cool his face. “There’s a difference between lust and actually liking someone, you know.”
She waved his words away like cobwebs. “Honey, it ain’t just lust. He worries aboutyou, same as Dom and me. Wants to protect you, too, but you won’t let him in.”
Because fucking your bandmate was asking for trouble. Especially if it got back to Carl. And—it would. “That’s because being Zavier’s friend is a bad idea.”
“Why?”
He wavered. “’Cause... I’m me. And he’s him and—” He didn’t want to say it out loud. “It’s not like when it was someone in the crew.”
“No.”Mish’s tone had dropped to serious levels. “I daresay it isn’t. Not with you two.”
Ray fought through the tangle of emotions. Zavier wouldn’t fuck him until he could control himself, but Raycouldstop being an ass to his bandmates and let the shit Carl piled on him run off a bit more—talk to them about it—andthatwould fix quite a few things.
He was saved from having to say anythingmore to Mish when his cocktail and burger arrived. He chowed down on the burger, grateful that he had a distraction. Maybe theZavier and himpart of this conversation could die off before he got any more embarrassed, or worse, turned on. Well, turned on more, anyway.
“How long have you had a crush on him?” Mish took a sip of her cocktail.
Ray nearly choked on his hamburger. Well, therewent the chance of a change in topic. “I don’t have a crush on him! He... I...” He shook his head. “Mish, the best thing for me is to let Zav be.”
“Is it? Because what I see is that when you guys are talking, you’re a hell of a lot calmer.”
Was he? Ray took another bite of his food and pondered. Maybe. Zavier had good thoughts about the band and he seemed to listen to Ray about songs andset lists. He also treated Ray like he actually had talent. “Okay.”
Mish snorted. “And he’s the last person who will go crying to Carl about anything.”
There was that. “Are you suggesting I hook up with Zavier?”
She shrugged. “I’m suggesting you stop flipping him off and stop acting like he hates you. And get over whatever it was that pissed you offten years agoin high school.”
Maybe he was holding the high school band stuff a little too hard. He rubbed his temple. Zavier had been so far above him then. “That’s fair.”
“I hate seeing you miserable, kiddo. And you’re not miserable at all when you let Zav in.”
Also fair. “Okay. I’ll stop being a prick to him.” See where that went. He shivered and covered that by picking up his drink and sipping. Wasn’t too bad—essentiallya whiskey sour with ginger beer rather than whiskey. He didn’t really miss the booze that much, probably because he’d never been that much of a drinker in the first place. It was Carl’s order itself that chafed, not the lack of a buzz.
“Besides, you could use a friend.” Mish sipped her own cocktail.
“I have Dom and you!” They’d been through so much together already.
She rolled hereyes. “Dom and I are like your siblings. You need afriend.” She paused. “And maybe a fuckbuddy, too.”
“Mish!” He plunked the glass down on the table.
She was laughing again, and a moment later he joined her. It felt—good. They hadn’t actually talked in a long time, not like this. Not as pseudo-siblings. Yeah, they’d needed a break from the tour, not just to clean and restock and maintainthe buses, but to untangle and smooth out their lives, too.
He looked out at the pool. There were children and parents splashing around and a small group of other people—college kids—by the edge. One guy shoved another and the first fell into the pool with a shout and rose above the water with a laugh. His friend cannonballed in to join him.
All at once, it was as if he’d been hit in thegut. Two years ago, he’d horsed around with Dom, Mish, and Kevin at a hotel pool in the Poconos. Splashing. Drinking. Having fun. They’d just signed with the label and decided to road-trip to the mountains for a little celebration.
Fuck. He took a ragged breath. “I miss Kevin. I mean, the guy we knew when we started, back when he was fun and happy and...” A lump took over Ray’s throat. “But...I also don’t miss Kevin. The shows onthistour...” He sat back and focused on Mish. “They’ve been everything I ever wanted and dreamed about.”
“And that has a lot to do with Zavier,” Mish said. Her eyes held a similar sadness. “Yeah, hon, I feel that way, too. And the guilt gets you, huh?”
