Page 79 of Just Business
Justin hobbled over and set the laptop down next to his books and the backpack on a chair. The water at his feet was faintly warm, but everything felt like ice—numbing him.
He was so very fucked. He didn’t have the money to replace anything. Or move out. Or...
A faint hiss floated from the corner of the room. His radiator, probably. His footsteps made a series of wet smacks against the wet linoleum. And yes, there was the source of the leak: water dripping from the underside of the radiator. It took a few tries to close the valve, but he screwed it tight. Hopefully, that would staunch the dripping. Wouldn’t know until he could get rid of all the water.
Justin stood, legs shaking. Water soaked the bottom of his sweatpants. Where did he even start? The top of his head and throat itched. Breathing wanted to turn into something that involved tears and snot, but he was not going to give in to that. Justin wiped his hand over his eyes and glanced at the clock on the stove. Three thirty-seven.
It wasn’t like a call to the “emergency maintenance” number his landlord had given him would do anything. Never had before. Well, he had a bucket and a mop in the closet and several hours before he needed to get to work. That was as good a place to begin as any.
***
Justin’s soft, but anguished “Oh, Fuck” broke Eli out of his focus. The numbers on VentShaft’s spreadsheet blurred for a second as his heart thudded up into his throat. The report he’d been writing might as well have been in Greek.
This was why he desperately wanted his door closed. But Sam was off at Sanhex and Eli was in charge of the office until Monday.
Ten more weeks. He only needed to survive ten more weeks. Eli pushed back from his desk.
Justin stood in his office, staring into Sam’s, jaw working. He was remarkably free of makeup—and wearing jeans, a t-shirt, and a too-thin coat.
Eli’s fingertips tingled. The temperature had been in the twenties this morning. And Justin held his bike helmet. That jacket—
Justin turned and started. His red-rimmed eyes and worn face stole Eli’s breath.
What happened?Eli chewed back the question. “He’s at Sanhex this week.”
“I forgot.” Justin put his back to Eli but gestured at the office with his helmet. “I wanted to...” Something close to a sob came then.
Shit.“I have his number, if you need it. I know he wouldn’t mind.”
The helmet hit the floor and wobbled. Justin set his backpack down, his back still to Eli. So much tension in his frame. “It’s not important.”
The fuck it isn’t.That stayed firmly behind Eli’s lips. He gripped the arms of his chair to keep himself from standing up and marching across the hall.What do you need? What can I do? I love you.
Eli released his breath. Ten weeks. The chasm grew wider every minute.
Justin finally glanced back and words poured out of him fast. “I need some days off this week. I know I haven’t accrued enough, but my apartment flooded and I—”
“Are you okay?” Eli couldn’t help it.
“Yeah. It’s just stuff.” Too much anguish in Justin for Eli to believe that, even for second.
He wanted to take Justin into his arms and hold him until he stopped shaking. Until they both stopped hurting. “Justin, I know things between us went wrong. But if you need a place to stay—”
Justin’s whole body stiffened as if Eli had hit him. “What, so you can fuck me again?” Justin kicked his helmet into the corner. “No, thank you.”
The accusation embedded in those words punched Eli in the gut. “I never...” The violence in his own voice stopped him. A breath, followed by another, and he tried again. This time it came out cool and composed. “I never did anything you didn’t consent to. Ever.”
“If it makes you feel better to think that, fine. You still got everything you wanted out of me.”
Monster.Monster, monster, monster.Eli turned away and struggled to breathe. There were techniques, tricks the psychiatrist from his childhood had taught him to combat the darkness when it welled up, when it ate him alive, when he wanted to change places with Noah because the world would have been better if he’d been the one to die.
Strange how some things never quite leave, and how easily they come back. By the time he finished reciting the Twenty-seventh Psalm in his head, the darkness had crept away. Justin stood across the hall, ghostly white.
“I don’t know who you think I am, Justin. Who you thought I was.” The weight was there, the heaviness, but he’d not let it take him down. “But I am not that person.” Eli nudged his mouse and the monitor woke back up. “Take the time you need to get your life in order. It’s what Sam would want.”
He didn’t bother to see what Justin did next. It didn’t matter. Moisture pricked at the corner of his eyes.Eli, you are such a horrible, horrible liar.
***
