Page 155 of Under Your Scars
She doesn’t finish her sentence, because she doesn’t need to. Message received. I glance between her furious face and the newspaper Edwin reads every morning. There’s only one explanation for why she’s so upset.
She’s found out that I’m still killing.
And not even because I’m still looking for Frank Valenti.
I’m killing because Iwantto.
I’m pathetic for lying to her. I know that—and I know this isn’t justusanymore. We have Caroline now. She will never forgive me if she finds out what I’ve been up to when she’s under the influence of the sleeping pills I give her every night.
She couldn’t have. I haven’t done anything to land my kills in the paper. I don’t even claim them anymore. An intentional decision I made to avoid this exact situation.
I honestly don’t know what to say.
“No,” I answer quietly.
“No?” She scoffs, and then throws the newspaper in my face. “Then tell me why you’re on the front-page fucking news.”
I flip it so I can read the large font on the front page, and now I’m concerned.
The Silencer is back! Double homicide claimed by infamous killer!
I look between her and the newspaper again, and then lay it flat on my desk. I take a deep breath.
“Elena, this wasn’t me.”
“Don’t fucking lie to me again,” she snaps, banging her tiny fists on the desk. “You promised me you wouldn’t do this anymore!”
She paces around in a small circle and runs her fingers through her silky hair. She sucks in a sharp breath and lowers her voice. “We have a daughter now, Christian. If anyone finds out about you, forgetme, think about how much danger you’re putting Caroline in.”
I bite the inside of my cheek at the insinuation that I would ever let anyone with ill intentions come within a lightyear of our daughter. I have to clench my fists to keep my head on straight. “It wasn’t me.”
“Do you think I’m stupid? Am I supposed to believe that some random person has decided to steal your M.O.?” She scoffs. “If it was just you and I, fine. I get it. But not with Caroline in the picture. If you still want to play psychopath, then maybe I should take—”
“Don’t finish that fucking sentence,” I hiss. I shoot up from my chair, round the desk, grab her by her neck, and pin her against the wall. “You knewexactlywhat I was when you let me put that ring around your finger. You knew exactly what I was when you sat there and let me play the the entire fucking adoption system like a fiddle so that Caroline would be ours. Don’t you dare try and act like you’re on some moral high ground here. And don’t you ever even fuckingthinkabout threatening to leave me again.Ever, Elena, or you can kiss your freedom goodbye.”
“I haven’t been free since we met,” she spits out.
I grab the newspaper and toss it into the fireplace to my right. I sigh and let go of her neck. I press my forehead to hers and take a deep breath. “I swear on my life, on our marriage, on our family, on everything, that those kills arenotmine.”
My declaration makes her pause. She knows with absolute certainty that our marriage and our daughter mean everything to me. I wouldn’t say that if I didn’t mean it.
I can see in Elena’s eyes that she still doesn’t believe me, or at least doesn’t want to.
I resign. With a sigh, I say, “Obviously you need to cool off before we talk about this. I’ll be back for dinner.” I graze her bottom lip with my thumb. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
She chokes out the words like they’re poison on her tongue, and it sends a dagger straight through my heart.
I leave the room and find Caroline in the kitchen with frosting on her cheeks and I kiss the top of her head before I head to the garage.
Inside my car, I hit the steering wheel with my fists.
It wasn’t me.
I didn’t kill them.
Itwasn’t.Fucking.Me.
