Page 4 of Dawn of Chaos and Fury
“Better?” he asked, his voice gruff and low as he searched her eyes, concern lining his features.
She nodded, swallowing thickly. “How did you know?”
That small smile tilted again. “I always know what you need, little storm.” They stood like that for a long moment, staring at each other, before he lightly cleared his throat. “Where is Luka?”
Tessa shrugged, looking back at the mirror gate. She wished she hadn’t. His hand slipped from her face, and the thing inside her immediately thrashed, reaching for him again so violently, she stumbled back a step. Her hands curled, fingers already reaching for her hair, but wisps of dark wrapped around her, soothing and calming.
She shouldn’t have come back here, and yet…
He’d been able to touch her. A phantom couldn’t do that, could it? Then again, the Hunters had been able to touch her when they’d wanted to.
“You’re thinking too hard, Tessa,” he said gently, watching her.
“Is this the After?” she asked instead.
He huffed a laugh. “By the gods, I hope not. Then again, if it brings you to me, I’ll take it.”
“It’s been decades.”
His brow furrowed for a few seconds before quickly smoothing back out. “I’ll take whatever you’ll give me.”
She nodded, still unsure of…everything that was happening. The last time she’d seen him…
Lifting her chin, she glared at him, fresh fury coursing through her. Fury she’d shoved down for years and years. Fury she’d told everyone she’d dealt with, when in reality, she’d simply learned how to hide it, master it, use it when needed.Fury and chaos. Chaos and fury. Wild and untamed. Untamed and wild.
There’d never been any such thing as balance when it came to her. She’d only given them the illusion she’d found such a thing. Found a balance. Found a semblance of peace and belonging. Found a sense of purpose. The truth was, she’d simply found a way to survive, letting the chaos and the fury consume her. She knew Luka sensed it. He’d tried, she supposed, but in the end...
“Luka tells me…” She trailed off, letting her fingers flit through the darkness drifting around her and hovering close. “Well, everyone tells me, I guess, that I was never the same after we left here.”
“Who’s everyone?”
She shrugged, too many emotions trying to claw their way out of the dark places where she’d shoved them. “Luka. Tristyn. They’re the only ones who really knew me from my time here.”
He nodded slowly, his eyes never leaving her.
“You broke me,” she stated.
“I know, Tessa. I know I did, but I had hoped that if I got you out, it would…” He shoved a hand through his hair, a frustrated growl escaping him. “I was hoping it would atone for some of it. Keep you safe. Save you from a fate you never deserved. That’s all I ever wanted for you. To be safe and happy and?—”
She shot forward before she fully knew what she was doing. Impulsive. Wild. Her hands slammed into his chest, and he caught her wrists, keeping her there.
“You broke me when you walked away from me!” she cried, finally letting that fury win.
To fury they both lose.
“You promised. You were the one person—theoneperson—who never balked when I showed you my worst. You promisedI would always… You were my only constant in the end, and you walked away from me,” she finished.
He said nothing, pulling her fully into his chest. Her head rested against him, and she could hear his heart beating, rapid and erratic.
“It was all to save you, Tessalyn,” he murmured, his chest rumbling with the words. “Always to save you because I love you. Please tell me you understand that. It’s the only way I know how to… I love you.”
“And I hate you,” she replied.
He was silent for a few of those too-fast heartbeats before he said, “Yeah, little storm? How much do you hate me?”
“So godsdamn much,” she answered, pressing into him more, because like this, her soul was almost calm. The fury almost banked. It did this with Luka too, but it was never enough. Peace and contentment just out of reach. The world almost silenced for once in her immortal existence.
His hand drifted along her hair, tangling in the strands as she clutched at his shirt. She breathed him in, letting his scent fill her lungs. Memorizing his touch. Some part of her wished she could stay with him. A bigger part of her knew she’d left a piece of herself here, and it was why she’d come back.
