Page 113 of Dawn of Chaos and Fury
“I can understand why,” Xan said, sorrow and regret filling the air around him. “It was never supposed to be that long. Nothing went the way it was supposed to. Aiyana… She hated me for that. For a long time, she resented me. I can understand why you would do the same.”
“And yet she forgave you?” Luka asked, desperate to know how and why. Wishing she was still alive so he could ask her.
Xan’s smile was small and sad. “She did. As I said, we faced trials of our own.”
“You left me there for centuries,” Razik interjected again.
“Your world was locked. No one could get in,” Xan replied.
“Others found their way in.”
“At great cost.”
“I wasn’t worth the cost. Glad you could confirm what I’ve wrestled with for decades,” Razik sneered, pushing to his feet. “You know what? It doesn’t fucking matter. Tybalt is my father. Not you, even if it is your blood in my veins. I survived centuries without you. I sure as fuck don’t need you now.”
“Razik!” Eliza called, scrambling off her stool to go after him, but he was gone before she’d even taken three steps. She turned back to Xan. “I’m sorry. He…”
“You do not need to apologize, Eliza,” Xan said. “This is my penance to pay, and I have faith that some day, we will break through this. Someday, he will be ready to hear me out. And if not, it is deserved, but I will never stop trying.”
“Please don’t,” she whispered, and then she left, going to find Razik so she could be whatever he needed in this moment.
The quiet settled over the room once more, and Luka cleared his throat. “Did you eat?”
“No, but I can…”
Xan trailed off as Luka passed over his untouched sandwich before beginning to make another.
“I know the inevitable bond is sacred and you think I’m a fool for considering not accepting it,” Luka said, eyes fixed on what he was doing.
“I have never said that,” Xan replied. “I wouldn’t have blamed your mother if she had never given in to it. However, I can also tell you she doesn’t regret it. Perhaps someday she will be able to tell you the same herself.”
The knife he was using slipped from his hand, bouncing off the counter’s edge and clattering to the floor. Luka slowly lifted his eyes to his father, sure he couldn’t have heard him right. Sure this wasn’t fucking happening again.
“She’s alive?”
A snarl laced his words, but Xan didn’t appear alarmed in the least. Stoic and calm as always.
“She is,” he answered.
“Where the fuck is she? Is she chained up some place like you were for over two decades? Why are we just sitting here? Why haven’t you said anything until now?” Luka demanded.
And what the fuck was wrong with him? First Theon, now his father. He was never the one to lose his cool. He’d always been as calm and collected as his father.
Until she came along.
“She is safe, Luka,” his father said, getting up and retrieving the knife. He placed it in the sink before getting a new one, continuing to make the sandwich. “We arrived here when you were scarcely five years. You and me, Aiyana and Tessa. You’ve learned what happened. How we lost her, but you have yet to learn the rest. There has been so much happening, I don’t blame you. One can only process so many things at any given time.”
“It’s no excuse,” Luka cut in, watching his father finish making him a sandwich. “I should have asked, but you should have said something.”
“You are a Sargon descendant through and through,” Xan said. “You value duty and loyalty. You are a Guardian, but you are first and foremost a dragon. You fiercely protect what you consider yours. We all do. It’s what we’ve always done.
“I was protecting Razik when I left him with my brother. I was protecting my Ward’s daughter when we came here, and I’ve been protecting you and your mother each day I sat in that cell. It wasn’t a burden to be tortured and locked up to keep you safe. It is our honor to do such things. I know you feel the same about Theon, and I know you feel the same about Tessa. This is why this choice wars within your soul. It goes against your nature to deny it, but it also goes against your nature to accept it.”
And somehow, in a few simple sentences, his father had put into words everything he’d been feeling. All the thoughts he’d lain awake at night trying to sort out. All the rage and uncertainty he’d spent hours and hours in the sky attempting to shake off.
“Then where is she? My mother,” Luka clarified as Xan placed a plate with the freshly made sandwich in front of him before returning to his own seat.
“The Anala Kingdom,” Xan answered. “You were young. The enchantment that altered our memories of Tessa had lingering effects, but it affected you the most. Younglings already don’t store all their memories, and the enchantment increased that. It’s why you have so few and remember so little of your earliest years.”
