Page 332 of Dawn of Chaos and Fury
“It would be different, Tessa,” Theon argued. “Our child wouldn’t be left alone.”
“You think Temural and Akira didn’t think the same thing?” she countered. “Because they did. I’ve been spending time with her. This isn’t what she wanted, but that’s not always how life goes. I cannot bring a child into the stars knowing what fate would await them. This isn’t like Maddox. Even if I had a child with a random mortal—” She paused when he and Luka both made unimpressed sounds at that idea. “I just meananychild of mine will be hunted. That is not fair to them. And I…” She was looking between them, her eyes pooling with tears as she begged them to understand. “I can scarcely handle my own Chaos mostdays. It is a constant battle, even with your help.” Those tears broke free. “I am sorry if this is a dream of yours, but I can’t.”
“And Maddox tonight?” Luka asked after an extended silence.
“I’ve avoided him,” she said, sounding utterly defeated. “Because I think that is something you want, and it is not something I am willing to give you. And tonight? I wanted to hold him. Just to see if something changed. If I had any inclination to want that, and I don’t. I wish I did.”
Luka had set his drink aside and was taking her wineglass back before he pulled her into him. “Baby girl, how long have you felt this way?”
“Since before he was born, and I didn’t— Look at everything we had to do to ensure his safety. My child would require so much more,” she answered. “And even if that wasn’t the case, it is something I do not want. I am content to be with you two for the rest of my days. To spoil Maddox and Priya and any other children others may have. Because some day, we may have to defend this world again, and I cannot have a child in it when I do so.”
“Okay, Tessa,” Luka murmured as she cried silently into his chest. “We would never force you. This is your choice. No one else’s.”
“But an heir?—”
“Does not matter,” Theon interjected. “As someone who was being forced to produce an heir, that will never happen again. To any of us.”
“But it is something you want,” she whispered, so much pain shining in her eyes.
Theon was crossing to them now, taking her chin in his hand. “There is nothing I want as much as you, Tessa. Do you understand?”
“But—”
“No buts. Like Luka said, this is your choice. Tell me of these Marks.”
She swallowed thickly several times, getting herself under control. “When Eliza was here, I asked of the Mark on her chest?—”
“You are not getting a Curse Mark,” Luka growled.
“No. I know. I mean, I did think about it,” Tessa admitted. “Until we freed Caris.”
“That’s what you were asking her about the morning I found you with her and the hounds,” Theon said in understanding.
She nodded. “Her Marks are permanent, and they differ from Eliza’s. I understand it’s permanent. Even if I ever did change my mind, I cannot bring a child into the stars,” she repeated. “If that is something we ever want, we could find a child in our own realm to give a home, right?”
“And you’ve been thinking about this for some time?”
She nodded. “I’ve never dwelled on it. Not until Maddox was born, and I know I should have said something before we all bound ourselves to one another, but?—”
“Tessa,” Luka interrupted, easing her back so he could look into her face. “Children were an option far into the future. You were never an option because you’ve always been inevitable.”
“You’re not upset?”
“Surprised? Yes. Will we need some time to process? Sure,” Luka answered, tucking her hair behind her ear. “But the only thing I’m upset about is you taking so long to talk to us.”
“I just wanted to be sure before I did,” she murmured.
Theon took her hand, tugging her to him. “We’re going with you for the Marks,” he answered.
She nodded, settling into him, a weight clearly lifted from her thoughts.
And later that night, as he watched her sleep with his head propped on a fist, he thought back on everything they’d survivedto get to this point. He’d never really thought of children as a dream. It had always been an expected responsibility. The only thing he’d truly dreamed of was a family different from what he’d grown up with, and he had that right here in his bed. Unconventional and different in every possible way.
Because this had always been more than a bond.
58
TESSA
