Page 71 of Atop the Faerie Throne
“I didnotmiss this.” Madoc tugs at his braids with a wince. “Unstick us. Now.”
Goddess, it’s so good to see them all together, acting like brothers, and this time the black fox peeking around the back of their legs doesn’t make me want to break into tears. It’s abittersweet happiness that crushes my chest even as it raises my spirits, but it’s still happiness, nonetheless.
For the first time since Elatha fled, it gives me hope that maybe things can be okay again.
Twenty-Three
Rhoswyn
Ilaugh through Dare’s antics at dinner with the rest of my Guard and family, share goodnight kisses with Lore before he disappears to ‘play in the dungeons,’ and wish Bree luck as he leaves for another session with Priestess Claudri.
I expected Drystan to order Caed back to a cell, but the dullahan merely banished him to his room, then left with a long, lingering look at me and a flicker down our bond that echoed with inexplicable uncertainty.
He’s probably sitting downstairs in their common area right now, just to make sure Caed doesn’t try anything.
I find myself listening for any sign of them below as Jaro curls around me in his wolf form. He’s been asleep for the last hour, his soft, wolfy breaths rumbling through me in a way I normally find soothing. Every now and again Wraith, at the foot of the bed, makes a small sleep-yip, and the wolf beside me twitches, stirring just long enough to make sure there’s no threat before allowing me to stroke him back to sleep again.
It’s comfortable. Soothing. I’m surrounded by soft silk, kept warm by the magic of my garden room, and the night is peaceful and still.
It should be laughably easy to embrace unconsciousness, especially when compared to nights on the road during my pilgrimage.
We’ve kicked Elatha back to the mountains. I forced the minor royals to acknowledge me as Nicnevin. We did it. My Guard is home, safe. So am I.
But at what cost?
Bram will never sleep in soft sheets in his own bed again, nor will Ascal, Kendel, Merith, Ghislane, and countless others. So many dead, never to see the stillness of an easy spring night like this. Never to hug the ones they love.
I don’t know when the first tear falls into Jaro’s fur. I try to stay silent, but either the moisture or the mating bond wakes him, and he shifts. Strong, calloused hands grip my shoulders, pulling me against his warm chest as he makes a noise of distress deep in his throat.
“Rosie, what’s wrong?” he asks, voice rough with sleep.
I shake my head mutely. My lips are fused shut, throat swollen closed with sobs I refuse to release.
Jaro pulls the covers around us as he leans against the headboard.
“Shh, hey, Rosie. It’s okay.” He might not even know why he’s comforting me, but it helps.
The reminder of his solid, dependable nature somehow makes my weeping worse.
“You don’t have to be quiet,” he whispers, wiping the tears away with his thumbs as soon as they come. “You’re not inconveniencing anyone by grieving.”
“It’s not that.” I draw ragged air into my lungs as my eyes burn and my mouth fills with the taste of salt. “I just… I’m being stupid. I should be happy, right?”
Jaro pauses. “You’re feeling guilty.”
No. Guilt is too simple a word for the venomous knot of shame and sorrow inside me.
His warm breath flutters softly over my scalp. “I can’t help but think, if I’d never lost the outer wall, we wouldn’t have reached this point.”
“It wasn’t your fault,” I reply, automatically, then make a face as I understand his point. Quieter, I mutter, “It’s not the same.”
“We both made mistakes that led to a lot of deaths,” Jaro corrects. “Am I wrong?”
No, but…
“They should be here,” I finally confess. “Bram… Ghislane… the Knights… Goddess, those are just the ones I can name. There were so many fae in those camps. So many more died beneath the mountain. What right do I have to any of this?” I cut off, gesturing wildly at my beautiful, serene room.
I should’ve been stronger from the start, should’ve insisted on cutting short the stupid pilgrimage and demanded the minor royals swear their vows… But I didn’t. I didn’t try hard enough. Didn’tdoenough.
