Page 8 of Best Offer Wins
“Don’t worry about it. We all have those days.”
“I’m Margo, by the way.”
“Jack. Nice to meet you. Or, I guess, see you again.”
I have a script in my head—about how I’m getting into yoga to relieve the stress of the adoption process. How my doctor thought it would be good for me, which is barely a lie, since she did suggest yoga once. But Jack’s phone is between us, face up, and an incoming text brings it to life. Penny is the wallpaper.
“Oh my gosh, is that your daughter? She’s gorgeous!”
“Yeah, that’s our Penny.” He grins. “You know, it’s funny, when we were chatting yesterday, I thought,I wish Penny were with me.”
“Really? Why’s that?”
He hesitates. Just say it, Jack. Come on.
“Well, you know, she just doesn’t have a chance to interact with many… well, with many Asian women.” He cringes. “Oh my God, does that sound completely awful? Am I being totally offensive?”
I laugh. “No, I get it!” Then I drop the hammer. “My husband and I are considering adopting. So, trust me, I know what a big deal all the literature makes about cultural representation.”
Jack’s mouth falls open; his eyebrows lift to a height our Botoxed classmates could only dream of. He’s about to say something, when a firm handclap snaps our attention to the front of the room. A size-zero in a white sports bra beams an even whiter smile at us.
“Good morning, everyone! We’ve got a full house of regulars today,” she says, “but I see a couple new yogis among us. Very exciting! Welcome! I’m Shannon, and this is Fire Flow Level 2. Let’s get started in a tabletop position.”
Jack mouths: “We’ll talk after.”
I am squealing inside. Although I might be about to die. I haven’t taken a yoga class since before the pandemic, and I don’t make it down to our building’s gym as often as I mean to. Hence my size-four ass turning steadily into a six.
This warm-up seems doable enough, though. We’re on all fours,doing a series of cat-cows, alternating between arching our backs and rounding them.
“Let’s do four more,” says Shannon. “Remember to stay connected to your breath. That’s all yoga is—just moving and breathing.” She has good delivery. I can see why Jack likes this place. “Now let’s step it out to a plank. And we’re holding for ten… nine… eight…”
These are the longest seconds I have ever heard. But I’ve got this. We’re just moving and breathing. Moving and breathing. That’s all Shannon says we’re here to do.
“Are we feeling spicy this morning?” Shannon asks. “I think we’ve got a spicy bunch here!”
I do not know what gave her that impression.
“Let’s turn it up with some slow-motion mountain-climbers. You’re gonna bring right knee to right triceps—hold, two, three, four—now left knee to left triceps—hold, two, three, four. Three more each side, double time, let’s go!”
Fuck you, Shannon. Am I about to be sick? Breathe. Just breathe. Moving and breathing. I am moving and breathing.
“Nice work, guys, take a child’s pose.”
I collapse onto my mat, then peek at Jack. Are you kidding me? He’s holding in a head stand, a layer of sweat glinting off every ripple of his shoulder muscles.
“Honey, are you okay?” Shannon is leaning down to whisper in my ear. “If you need to step out, feel free.”
“Uh, thanks, I’m fine.” I whisper back. “Just haven’t done hot yoga in a while.”
This is humiliating.
“Okay, team, let’s come to the top of our mats for our sun salutation As.”
I make it through the sun As and sun Bs, two sets of side planks, and the first flowing series, only because Shannon keeps looking directly at me and saying things like, “Remember, crew, listen toyour body” and “Don’t be afraid to take it down to the mat for a child’s pose” and “If you disconnect from your breath, take a beat to find it again.” All euphemisms for: “Hey, chub in the second row, do what you need to do, just don’t pass out on me.”
Now we’re holding in a high lunge, and I’m determined to power through because I have already spent half the class in a child’s pose. But I’m losing the feeling in my front leg and the room is starting to narrow. My vision is… staticky.
Two hard claps. “Vinyasa!” Shannon stares at me like a doe in high beams. “Everyone, go ahead and take it down to the mat.”
