Page 6 of Safe Word
I almost didn’t know what to say to his simple gesture. People didn’t do things for me. Usually, they wanted to see what they could get out of me. The way he studied my face mirrored his concern. The last thing I wanted was someone feeling sorry for me.
Him offering me something to change into felt so profound in the moment. Here I was, a rich and famous pop star, with nowhere to go and no one to turn to besides a bodyguard who I’d befriended over the course of the past year. Neither my mom nor my sister had a clue about the hell I lived in just to make my dreams come true. I couldn’t bear to break their hearts in the same way that mine had been shattered.
“Thank you. I was just thinking I should take a shower.”
“There’s soap and towels in the bathroom.”
“Thank you again for bringing me here. I just didn’t want to be bothered tonight.”
“You don’t have to explain anything that you don’t want to explain. Just know that I’m here if you need to talk.”
“I appreciate it, Kannon. I hate to think about how my night would have ended if you weren’t there.”
“I’m just glad I was there.”
Stepping closer to him, I placed my hands on his hard chest as I kissed his cheek. Kannon had been a godsend tonight. It disgusted me that Cyrus refused to take no for an answer sometimes. After ripping me out of my own party, he had the nerve to demand that I give him some head while he still had a hickey on his neck from another woman.
My refusal got a slap out of him before he choked me and threw me on the couch, preparing to force himself on me right in the back of a crowded party. No amount of ecstasy could make me want to fuck him, no matter what our manager and the label CEO thought. I hated him. I hated the life I was stuck living. I hated that there was no easy way out of this shit. I either had four more years or two more albums to complete before I would be free.
After a long hot shower, I slipped into Kannon’s oversized T-shirt and flopped back onto the bed. Tears stung my eyes, but I refused to let any more of them fall. Instead, I hopped out of bed, walking out of the bedroom hoping that Kannon was still awake.
I found him in the living room sitting on the couch with his head thrown back and his eyes closed. The glass of brown liquor in his hand further told of his mind state. He never opened his eyes, but I felt like he knew I was there.
“You good?” he asked, confirming my suspicion.
“I was hoping you were still up. I can’t sleep. My head is still spinning.”
“Understandable.”
I swallowed hard before hurriedly blurting out my question before I could change my mind. “Will you fuck me?”
Kannon’s eyes popped open as he slowly sat up. “Say what?” he asked, bunching his brows together. The look of confusion and concern on his face made me anxious.
“Not like that. I just need to do something to take my mind off of my fucked-up life. I’m horny as hell from popping two X pills at the party tonight. Hell, the only reason that I take them in the first place is to tolerate having sex with Cyrus when I don’t feel like it. Hmph. Our wonderful label executives had the nerve to suggest that. Apparently, something is wrong with my sex drive.”
“Carrie, what the hell?”
“Don’t look at me like that, Kannon. I want to have sex . . . with you. I need a distraction, and I’m sure it will help me sleep.”
“I’m not doing that shit. What are you even talking about? Come on, Carrie. I can’t take advantage of you like that. That’s not me.”
“It’s not taking advantage when I’m asking for it. I just want to get my mind off my fucked-up life for a minute. Help me not think about being a rich slave and everything that’s waiting for me once I walk out that door.”
His eyes narrowed slightly. I could tell he was trying to read me. There was nothing to read. Inside, I felt empty. Right now, I just wanted to be filled by him. To drive that point home, I allowed my fingers to drift to the hem of his T-shirt as I took careful steps in his direction. Once I was close enough, I raised the soft cotton fabric until I was tugging the shirt over my head. I stood in front of him in my nakedness, baring it all to him.
“Carrie.” Kannon sighed and leaned forward.
I didn’t let him get far. I placed my hands on his face and crashed my lips into his. I straddled him. The rock-solid mass resting against his thigh didn’t match his resistance to my advances. I could tell he had exactly what I needed to fill the void I felt. Before I could proceed, he placed both hands on my shoulders and pushed me back.
“Kannon,” I whined.
“You’re drunk, Carrie.”
“I’m always drunk these days, Kannon. Right now, I’m horny too. Please just fuck me and stop thinking so much. I want this, Kannon. At least I know you care about me. You saved me tonight,” I said, reaching between us and freeing his impressive length from his basketball shorts.
He caught both my wrists in one hand. “Listen to me, Carteay. If at any point you don’t like what’s happening or you feel like you’re not safe, use your safe word, and I’ll stop, noquestions asked. If you want me, say you want me. If you don’t, go to bed and sleep it off.”
“Yes. I want you,” I whimpered in a shaky voice.
