Page 28 of Safe Word
After too many hands of me trying to teach her how to bid while we drank shots of tequila, she curled up against me and fell asleep on my chest. I was tired too, so I carried her to my bed. I probably watched her for too long as I willed myself to let her come to me in her own time.
I wanted to fix whatever ailed my baby. I would and could protect her from whatever was out there waiting for her. I could handle whatever monsters she thought she had to hide from. I just needed her to let me do it.
Sooner or later, we would have to come out of our bubble. I needed her to trust me to keep her safe. I didn’t want to be another person coming into her life trying to control her and impose my will. I wanted her to come to me with her problem instead of bullying my way in and forcing her to accept my help.
This shit was harder than I thought it would be. I never expected to fall in love with her. Now I wanted to kill everyone affiliated with Big Time Records. I couldn’t go in all desperado and clean house though. I needed to know exactly how deep thisshit really went. I needed to know who needed to be touched and who could be left alone. First, I had to break through her silence.
Carteay
Time didn’t seemto exist as long as I was tucked away inside Kannon’s house. All concepts of reality faded away when I was in his arms. Now as I lay next to him, staring at the ceiling, reality came barreling back in, making my chest hurt like hell as I considered my next moves.
I usually felt naked and restless without my phone. It had been a constant companion since I was a teenager. Since my career had taken off, the only time it wasn’t glued to my hand was when I performed. The constant buzzing, requests, and people telling me what to do and where to be kept me overwhelmed but they grounded me in a way.
I would have thought that I would have gone crazy without my phone for a whole week. With Kannon to occupy my time and space, I had barely thought about it. I didn’t miss any of it. Not the stage, not the constant camera flashes, especially not Cyrus or anyone at the label.
None of it mattered to me as much as the sound of Kannon laughing at one of his crazy shows. None of it was as significant as the scent that lingered on his sheets making me feel like I was surrounded by him even when he wasn’t in bed. Nothing could compare to him. Nothing.
I wanted to freeze the moment we danced to one of my unreleased tracks in his living room. If I could stay there with his huge hands splayed on my back as I incorporated his heartbeat into the music, I would never have to do anything else.
Forever wasn’t our reality. We only had a week. Reality had crept back in big time. The label and Cy would be relentlessabout finding me. I didn’t doubt that Kannon could protect me from Cyrus, but what he couldn’t do was un-sign contracts or rewind time. He wouldn’t be able to keep my name out of the headlines. He wouldn’t be able to stop them from ruining me.
Our conversation a couple of days ago echoed in my head, trying to act as a voice of reason.
“What if I can’t go back, Kannon?”
“Back where exactly?”
I raised my head from his chest enough to look up at him. His eyes burned through me as if he dared me to protest.
“I mean back to normal. What if I can’t make myself pretend to be happy anymore?”
I figured he would just repeat what he said or tell me that I was overthinking again. The last thing I needed was another reminder to stay in the moment. Time was ticking. His fingers brushed past my cheek before resting on the back of my head.
“Then don’t.”
“You know it’s not that easy.”
“Yes, it is. They might have your back against the wall, but you’re a fighter. You can fight them.”
“I don’t even know where to start.”
“Start by knowing that you don’t belong to them. If anyone feels any different, they can see me about it.”
“Kannon.” I sighed.
Heat crawled up my neck and my throat because I knew his words were more of a promise than a threat. Somehow, that terrified me even more. I didn’t want him going down behind my shit. Kannon deserved better than to be pulled into my mess.
For the past few days, every moment, every touch, every stroke of Kannon’s dick said the same thing: You’re mine. I wanted to be his more than anything. Our time together hadn’t just been about resting or building up the nerve to fight the label.Something more terrifying had been going on all along. I had been falling and hard. Even as I realized it, I couldn’t stop myself if I tried. The real danger wasn’t in leaving Kannon. It was in how much I wanted to stay with him and say fuck everything else.
I had no idea what time it was. Everything was quiet, but my head was loud enough to wake the dead. Kannon slept like a baby beside me, clueless to the turmoil swirling in my head. I lay there in the dark, as long as I could, watching him sleep and trying to quiet the voices in my head. I kissed Kannon’s face, making him stir in his sleep and drape his arm over me as if to say ‘mine.’ He was mine, too, for now anyway.
When the voices refused to hush, I knew I had to move. I slipped out of bed and eased to the living room. I found Kannon’s tablet right where he’d left it. I picked up his hoodie from the arm of the couch and pulled it over my head. I loved the way it smelled like him. With the tablet in hand, I settled back on the couch. As I unlocked it, the world and its harsh realities came storming back into my head.
The emails and DMs I’d received from Cyrus, Ceasar, and Tyler were the only signs that the world knew I had been missing in action. While that was a good thing, I knew they weren’t keeping it a secret for their health. I shot my mom and sister both messages to let them know that I didn’t have my phone, but I was fine.
I shouldn’t have gone back to Cyrus’s and Ceasar’s messages, but I was a glutton for punishment. He had sent me fifty messages since the night I left with Kannon. They started out with apologies and promises to take me on a trip so we could forget about the world for a while. Then they became threatening. His true nature came out by the second day. Cyrus was bad enough, but Ceasar’s messages were downrighthorrifying. His last few messages made bile build up in my throat.
Since you like to do things the hard way, let me remind you of who is in charge here. I have been made aware of who might be helping you hide. If you don’t materialize in the next forty-eight hours, your little boyfriend is as good as dead, and I’m not talking about Cyrus’ weak ass. That security dude can’t hide you forever. He can be touched too.
