Page 21 of Safe Word
“I mean so we can share it,” I clarified.
He shook his head as if what I said didn’t make sense. “It’s for you.”
“I can’t eat this whole thing. It’s humongous.”
He shrugged his shoulders as he took another sip of his hot tea. Knowing he wouldn’t change his stance, I focused on tearing a huge chunk off the cinnamon roll and popping it into my mouth. It was heavenly. I could tell that it was made from scratch, which made it even better.
I ripped off another chunk, making sure to get a good bit of the gooey goodness on top before practically shoving it in Kannon’s mouth. The left side of his mouth lifted into a smile as he slowly chewed. I kept my eyes on his gorgeous lips as I fed him another piece just to watch him chew some more.
This time, he caught my fingers between his lips before I could pull away. Taking me at the wrist, he licked my fingers, running his tongue across them shamelessly while keeping me pinned with his eyes.
My breathing shallowed. I was sure my panties were ruined as heat flooded the small space between my thighs. I tried to steady my breathing as my heart pounded in my throat. Saliva pooled in my mouth, and I swallowed, hoping to hide my erratic pulse. Licking his lips, he smiled that devilish smile of his before picking up his cup and taking another sip.
“Pretty good,” he simpered before putting his gaze on the light street traffic.
Needing to do something with my hands again, I picked up my cup in one hand and tore another piece of the cinnamon roll with the other. I adjusted in my seat as I began to eat in the comfortable silence. My knee bumped his under the table. Kannon didn’t move or react. He just stayed there. His hand found my knee. The weight of it settled the residual nerves scratching at the back of my mind. I took a breath and opened a little more of me for him.
“I haven’t felt like myself in months, maybe a year or more. I lost track. I’m always on. Even when I’m not performing, I have to perform. I started to forget who I was outside of this character they created. Since I’ve been here with you, I feel like I can let my hair down. I know I don’t have to perform for you. I can just exist.”
He didn’t rush to respond just to fill the silence. He let my words resonate for a moment like he usually did. His patience and careful attention made me want to tell him everything.
“You said you want to breathe. I’m letting you breathe. You’re not on anybody’s stage or anybody’s clock. You’re free to be exactly who you are. I’m fuckin’ infatuated with the version of you they want to hide.”
I huffed a small laugh to break through the tension and stop myself from saying something I wasn’t ready to say. “Why did that sound so sexy?” I asked.
He kept an even expression as he answered. “It’s a gift.”
“Seriously, though, thank you for letting me be me.”
Kannon had this way of being inappropriate and unbothered that I envied. At the same time, he was hilarious. I could talk to him for hours about everything and nothing at all. The conversation trailed off to something less heavy. Casual conversation about unimportant things felt just as good as the serious stuff. We started a game where we made up stories about the people passing by or sitting in the coffee shop. I couldn’t remember when I had had so much fun.
“They’re on their second date. He wants her to think he’s a gentleman, so he brought her for coffee so they could talk. Men aren’t talkers, but we’ll talk to the right one. He likes her, but he wants to fuck after the third date.”
“Is that your guideline? You wait three dates?”
“If I have to wait that long, that’s the limit.”
“Wow, Kannon. Only three dates? I thought you were a gentleman.”
He laughed. “I never told you that. I usually want mine the first night.”
“I really thought you were better than that.”
“I don’t know why. I never tried to fuck you because we had a work relationship, and you had a man. I know how to control myself.”
“But you can’t go on over three dates without sex?”
“At some point, a woman just wants free food. If you don’t like me as much as you likeRuth’s Chris,then something is wrong. I don’t have time to try to figure all that shit out. I have to let people sort shit out on their own.”
“You could ask.”
“If I cared enough, I would. I don’t even date enough to worry about shit like that, but there is a limit. I’m not about to feed a muthafucka and show them a good time every weekend for six months, hoping that the relationship goes somewhere. I want it to go to a bed real soon. I need to know what I’m getting myself into.”
“You’re horrible.”
“Not really. Like I said, I don’t even have time to date. Now and then, I will show a nice young lady a good time. It’s up to her where it ends. Usually, it ends with her face buried in a pillow.”
“Let me change the subject before I start to think you’re a man whore.”
